10. Every time you mention country music,
he says "It's country wide!"
9. Has more face tattoos than teeth
8. No visible means of support but his truck tires cost more than your car
7. Every time he comes over to your house,
something made of copper disappears
6. That time he found out you're the guy who runs Farce the Music,
you caught him holding up a butterfly knife behind your back
5. He learned most of his vocational skills in prison
4. The night Brantley is in town, he has to "wash his hair"
instead of come over and watch football
3. Never finished high school, but strangely adept
at chemistry with household products
2. Covered up his tattoo of his ex's name with brass knuckles
1. Talks like a rapper, but owns at least 5 rebel flag t-shirts