Grandaddy’s Advice (a satire lyric)

Here's a silly little satire of all those "dad's/granny's/grandaddy's" advice country songs.

Grandaddy’s Advice

v.1

I remember when I was five

Playin’ in my grandparent’s drive

I fell off my scooter and skinned my knee

Grandaddy helped me clean my cuts

He whisked the gravel off my butt

Then he smiled and gave this advice to me

c.1

Old Milwaukee makes me sick

Run go check yourself for ticks

Y’know that youngest Golden Girl sure looked nice

Then with a tear in his eye

he said I love me some squirrel pie

That’s why I never took Grandaddy’s advice

v.2

I remember in seventh grade

Ridin’ in grandaddy’s Chevrolet

He pulled over and said it was my turn

As I slipped into the driver’s seat

and felt the pedals under my feet

Grandaddy smiled and said “It’s time you learned...”

c.2

Look both ways before you leap

Damn my drawers are startin’ to creep

How do they make them Crispies out of rice?

Then with a somber voice

He said urine cures hemorrhoids

Thank goodness I never took Grandaddy’s advice

v.3

Ten years later I heard the news

Grandaddy’d flown his earthly coop

Died in his sleep with a big grin on his face

At his service I said a piece

Told some advice he’d given me

And I could almost hear his voice say...

c.3

Don’t pee on an electric fence

Look I just found thirty cents

Pour me some V-8 and vodka over ice

The Lord knows I loved that man

but I’m sure you all understand

That’s why I never took Grandaddy’s advice

(tag: in a sad voice with minimal music backing)

Old Milwaukee makes me sick

Run go check yourself for ticks

Y’know that youngest Golden Girl sure looked nice

Then with a tear in his eye

he said I love me some squirrel pie

Now I sure do miss Grandaddy’s advice

©2003 Corey Parkman