Hey y'all. It's been a while huh. Well, I've got a little time here in the airport, so I thought I'd crap out a new songwriting tip for you. If you're a world traveler like Mr. Big Bad Too-Drunk-to-Fly here, you may wonder where in the hell you can find time to write your latest hit that sounds like everybody else's but with the words arranged differently. Well, airport bars are a f**king wonderful place to jot down sh*t on napkins while you hit on stewardesses and college girls. I just wrote this about an hour ago: "Hot little number from Arizona State/headin' home for holiday break/I'd like to take her in the lavatory/Give 'er a mile high ride on 'old glory'." Hell yeah, there's a patriotic anthem bitches! You never know when a brilliant idea like that might pop into your head. Huh huh, I said head. Man, the mixed drinks at airport bars are strong as a mother. I ain't drunk though, dumb ass stewardess and pilot. That's the last time I fly Southwest…oversensitive f*cks. Where was I? Oh yeah, you can write while you're waiting in the terminal too… I like to just pretend to write mostly, so people won't ask for my autograph or take pictures with me. Get that sh*t out of here, you can buy my autograph on E-bay like all the other peasants. Well, my limo from Nashville should be here in 12 hours or so, so I gotta get a little more drinking in before then. Later, turdburglars.
*not actually written by John Rich