Feb 14, 2012

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Josh Abbott Band - Touch

This treacherous song, released today… Valentines Day, is entirely about lust of the flesh and sexual copulation. Dear Lord, do these singers from Texas know no bounds to their perversions? If nothing else is "bigger in Texas," their depravity certainly is.

I believe the couple in this musical composition is in fact, unmarried, yet they have given in to the desires of the tallywhacker and the hoo-hoo. These parts of the body have no Holy function besides creating children and removing urine from the body. The tallywhacker is an evil, evil organ which has caused even me to sin before whilst flipping through the Sears and Roebuck catalogue and chancing upon a lady in a Realtree bra and panties. The hoo hoo is also a wanton organ that causes women-folk to lust after movie stars like that Ryan Reynolds, Larry the Cable Guy (my wife's favorite) and Matthew Muckonahay. Since the pecker and the lady-place only serve evil outside the bounds of marriage, they should most certainly be kept under lock and key until such time a couple would be prepared for baby-making, and then put away promptly.

This Josh Abbott feller talks of undressing his female companion with his eyes. This is lust! Jesus said you should rip out your right eye if it causes you to sin. Or perhaps Mr. Abbott should take a buck knife to his privates. It is better to lose a member than your whole self get flambeed in the Devil's cookout.

The Lord says the sexually impure are as bad as murderers and sorcerers, and even Ben Rothlisburger. Thou shalt surely swim in the lake of fire and sulfur.

Abstain, country listener! Do not pay Josh Abbott and his band any mind when they sing so temptingly of filthiness. My wife heard this song last night and she suddenly slipped into her good muumuu. Needless to say, I threw up a little green bean casserole in my mouth. Don't let this happen to you. Swing wide of sin. Repent, repent I say!!


1 comment:

  1. LOL at the possibility that Larry Lee's wife lusts after Larry the Cable Guy. But considering that his wife has a " rather large, veiny and cellulite-ridden backside" (as he admitted in his Honkytonk badonkadonk review)I doubt that he has to worry that Mr. Cable Guy will be trying to woo his wife anytime soon.

    Another great review !



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