High concept writing is unwelcome around here, nerds. You say satire, I say pass me a Fat Tire. You say parody, I say Cledus T. Joke. Metaphors are as deep as I go and even those are pretty above-ground. Like "her booty is like a pair of watermelons" or "I'm drunk as a liberal come next election night." Don't bring me words like alliteration. Hell, if I didn't have autocorrect, I couldn't even spell it right. Onomotopeia? That just sounds homoerotic… and the Muppets already sang a song about that anyway. Keep it simple for the stupids. The average radio country fan thinks "assonance" is what happens when you sit on an ant bed naked. Simile? A typical soccer mom thinks that means "putting a bike together." Figures of speech? That's what you goobers can use on the Twitter to impress your fellow basement dwellers. If you want to use all the skills you learned in creative writing at the community college, start a blog. If you wanna make that dolla dolla bill y'all, do what I do. So in summary, just tell a damn story or list some crap about living in a small town or loving America. Slap a clever hook on it and a couple of lines that sound like they took longer than a minute to come up with… and you've got a hit. This ain't rocket surgery, bitches.
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