May 29, 2013

Single Review: Blackjack Billy - The Booze Cruise

Sometimes there's not anything I can say about a song that's more damaging than the very existence of said song. This is probably one of those times, yet I shall strive to provide ample hatin' on this piece of crap.

"The Booze Cruise." The title alone alerts you that this song is likely not a cover of some unearthed Townes Van Zant gem. That's cool, fun songs are just fine. I can't listen to ALL depressing Americana, so a little levity is appreciated from time to time.

This song is also irredeemably stupid. I suppose dumb songs are okay too. AC/DC lyrics will never be mistaken for Shakespeare and I love 90% of their songs.

It's when you combine fun, stupid and unoriginal that problems arise for me. "The Booze Cruise" nails all three with aplomb. Blackjack Billy is Florida-Georgia Line with more dudes and a less identifiable sound. If that sounds enticing to you, I have to ask: Why are you here?

Let's tackle the lyrical content. You know how people always used to say "I think I just threw up in my mouth?" (If you're still saying it, please stop). Anyway - I actually did feel a bit queasy listening to this. Even though I was in the comfort of my own home, I had to look around and make sure nobody caught me listening to it. I turned off my Last.fm scrobbler so it would not be recorded that I ever listened to this excrement. But I did.

And I heard lyrics like: "Booze cruise, summer groove, I wanna see your booty move" and "Who wants to do a body shot off a string bikini/We call that a hillbilly martini." Seriously. They're just making up shit, right? They call it a hillbilly martini because it rhymes with bikini, but nobody has ever said that in the history of ever. Also, there are hotties (which is misspelled in the OFFICIAL lyric video!), flip flops, a pontoon, "get some," "it's going down" and "redneck margarita."

There is also a 16 year old on the Booze Cruise. I'm sure she's drinking virgin redneck margaritas though, so it's all good dawg.

This song is misogynistic. It's unoriginal. It will lower your IQ by 20 points in two minutes and fifty-one seconds. Larry Lee would say it's hedonistic, and he'd be right. Let it be said now that anyone who utters the words "it can't get any worse" is flat out wrong. It can and will and just did.

F

One more thing, in the video that follows, a long haired 50-something on a beach "plays" Blackjack Billy's song on his jam box that clearly has no cassette in the deck. Dear Lord. The stupid must hurt.



24 comments:

  1. Sometimes I wish I didn't know of songs like this, I'm sure you do too.

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  2. How do you make one good-times summer party anthem stand out from the rest? Throw in a little statutory rape. Good Lord.

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  3. Make it go away....! Yet another mindless piece of drivel for the sheeple...mind numbingly bad....

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  4. This isn't even the good kind of shit. This makes "Cruise" sound like the song of the year.

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  5. That empty jam box playing a shitty song, it's more than just a screw up with the prop department, it's a metaphor for the shittiness of all this new country rap laundry list truck song crap. Impossible noise from nowhere, signifying nothing.

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  6. Where I come from a Hillbilly martini is a domestic beer with olives in it...

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  7. I couldn't even finish listening to this crap. I wouldn't download this song if it was free....

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  8. Must be doing something right, it is climbing the charts, and there are lots of requests for it. It is an upbeat fun summertime song! It beats all the slow, cry in your beer songs that have been dripping out of speakers recently! I like it, my kids like it, and we figure if you don't like it...change the station! Lighten up...it is summer after all, and it is time for fun in the sun, with upbeat music cranked up!

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  9. Y'all are haters! These guys are awesome. I have had the opportunity to hear them on more than one occasion and everytime they rock! Who makes y'all such experts on music anyway. This song is climbing the charts and I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time you were wrong about a song or a band for that matter.

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  10. Damn right, I'm a hater. I hate when crap like this assaults the radio waves and somehow dumbs down the already idiot masses.

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  11. Oh cause you're so brilliant!? Listen Mozart, why don't you get a real job. Maybe the reason why you hate on everyone else's music is because you never had the talent or the ability to do what they do. Or have you written a one of a kind brilliant masterpiece lately that will stimulate the minds of the masses? Thought so...

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  12. "Idiot masses". I work hard all week, make a good living doing it. When it comes to the weekend I like dumb it down, get all my buddies together drink all day with any girls we can find on the lake and have a great time. Happy, fun and kind of dumb songs fit the bill. Enjoy your smart, cool and sophisticated music, dick.

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  13. This stuff really does suck though. I understand your comment about the weekend music but I can't get over how completely idiotic this song is

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  14. I like dumb fun songs. There's "good stupid" (AC/DC, Snoop Dogg, even some Hellbound Glory) and there's "bad stupid" (most hick-hop, "Country Girl Shake it For Me," this song...). If you can't tell the difference, well...

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  15. Hmmm, Deep Musical thoughts with some big words.
    But wait, did you say Fl-Ga line with more dudes?SOUNDS AWESOME! Haha
    U guys ever seen them play? May wanna do that before you put your name in the anti-BjB camp. It could ruin your credibility by this time next year
    But hey, do Ur thing

    But i bet they love this! That a year ago y'all wasnt talkin bout em... And they are lovin that they are the only independent act in country music this year to sell over 150,000 downloads without any money from a record label. Did that in one summer.

    But ur are right! these lyrics will never amount to the earth shattering Taylor Swift songs that have set the new standard for your beloved genre or the edge of the envelope new Hunter Hays album that is bringing peace to the Gaza Strip. But hey, It's just a song! Meant to be rediculous and retarded! Maybe y'all missed the point
    Y'all are great, and thanks for having a voice, But I have seen em live and those dudes are nutts and bring it on stage and trust me they will be HUGE!
    As person who can type things on computers, You can reserve the right to hate them, but even if you vomit a bit, saddle up for a lot more Blackjack Billy... They ain't goin no where but up

    I'm not trying to hate on your right to be a hater
    So Don't shoot the messenger

    Keep up the good work
    New Jersey

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  16. If you dumb asses knew anything about Country Music AT ALL then you would know that the "LONG HAIRED 50-Something ON A BEACH" is Earl Bud Lee
    He happens to be one of the greatest songwriters in the history of country music. He wrote FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES people! Wow...

    Who does this blog!?

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  17. If you can recognize a writer whose single big (yes, huge) hit was 23 years ago, more power to ya.

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  18. Earl Bud Lee has written a bunch of Number 1 songs
    He's in The Country Music Hall of Fame folks

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  19. They must have incriminating photos of him or possibly one of them is his nephew. How else can you explain him appearing in the haphazard video of a cookie cutter band playing a subpar song?

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  20. Hey was in the video because he writes with them and respects their talent. Along with many other great writers in nashville. I knowthis because I know these guys real well. So you are a no name who no one has heard of making your opinion vurses famous writers and actual CREDABLE CRITICS loving what they are doing. I had to go through a lot of google pages to find this first bad review. You don't have to like it, but you will hear it.

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  21. You must be doing the Google all wrong then. If you type in, "blackjack billy booze cruise review," this is the FIRST POST that comes up. Your assertions are not "credable."

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  22. Good comeback farcer. You showed me, that I typed in something a little different. And that's about it. My comment still stands.

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  23. Haters don't hate you. They hate themselves because they can't be you. Fart the music in a nutshell. Farcer get out of your moms basement and get a life. Because right now you contribute nothing to this world. It's time you face the music, blogs are lame, especially ones of uninformed opinions. Get a life loser.

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  24. That video was about as enjoyable as a Taliban execution...

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