Feb 25, 2014

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Cole Swindell - Chillin' It

Click to listen

Heavenly Father, what have I done to deserve this? Was it the speeding ticket I got last week on the way to the ladies' luncheon? Was it that vulgar pop-up ad I accidentally viewed while browsing the garden tillers on Craigslist? I was just wondering what that young woman was doing with that salami. Anyway….Whatever it was, Lord, I beg your forgiveness. 

This song is an affront to everything I hold dear: my faith, my senses and my taste in music. This young fellow and his female friend (likely dressed like some Daisy Duke harlot) are wasting precious time and gas by riding around listening to music (probably awful Satan-pleasing music like this). 

They are also apparently drinking as they do this. I know good and well it isn't Kool-aid they're drinking. More than likely, it's this disgusting cheap beer my son-in-law drinks on his porch. What does he call it? Steel Preserve? Anyway, it's illegal to drive and drink and God hates anyone who drinks alcohol in order to get drunk.

Beyond the iniquity of the actions glorified in this song are other issues. This young man sings no better than Carl Jenkins in our church choir, and Carl is a partaker of Pall Malls. This Cole person also sounds exceedingly, how do I put this? Cheesy, I believe the young people would say. I mean, I'm an awkward peckerwood, but this young man makes me look like Shaft. These are purely secular views on this misguided "art." The prevailing problems are the evils listed in the previous paragraphs. 

Sloth, wastefulness, lust, drunkenness, breaking laws, being a goober. If these things appeal to you, then by all means, let this be the stumbling-block you trip over onto the quick slippy slide down to Hell! However, I pray you'll hear my words and abstain from giving ear to this unpleasant venture. Resist Satan, I say to thee!!!



  1. "I'm an awkward peckerwood, but this young man makes me look like Shaft."


  2. Outstanding usage of the word Goober!!!!

  3. Curiosity is not in and of itself sinful, Mr. Lee...I'm sure most anyone would want to find out what the woman was doing with the salami.



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