Jun 12, 2020

Antifa Coming to Your House to Make You Listen to Kane Brown

Reports from NewsPunisher.org indicate that the loosely organized progressive activist group Antifa is bored with ‘destroying American cities’ and is determined to spread their message to “racist suburban country fans.” 

According to News Punisher, Antifa President Don T. Exiss stated: “We at Antifa hate the comfort and antipathy of suburban America, so we’re coming for you! Tonight we say “f*** the city” and we move to the residential areas… the white hoods (and I mean that as in all white people who live in the suburbs and enjoy country music are Klan members, periodt)… and we take what’s ours!”

Source Karen Sellers of Bethesda, Maryland, says a busload of Antifa members checked into hotels in the area two days ago and have devious plans in mind. “I heard from a friend of mine that Antifa is coming to each of our houses personally to force us to listen to (country star) Kane Brown, and if we don’t become fans, they’ll burn our homes down! I’m locked and loaded, so I ain’t worried. I just love my Hank Jr. and Charlie Daniels and that’s it! MAGA!” said Sellers. 

When asked why they plan to inflict Kane Brown in particular upon the comfy conservatives, Exiss told us: “We could play Darius Rucker or Charley Pride, but even racists enjoy them, so we’ll be accomplishing the two-pronged goal of promoting a country artist who is a person of color, and also making the Repubs uncomfortable, because frankly, even we don’t like Kane’s music.” 

Lee “SDE” Fockerson of Benton, AR was huddled in his foyer cradling a shoulder fired rocket launcher at press time.

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