_____Deserves a Sackpunch #6

Fangirl/Fanboy

You don't really like music that much in general. You just picked an artist,usually a solo artist, based on their "it factor" and a song or two that really spoke to you and then you latched onto that artist. You bought just the singles at first and reviewed them with odd vigor on iTunes, not even sure yourself where the manic fire came from. Then you bought the albums, then the t-shirt, then the fanny pack. You had crossed a line.

You joined the message board somewhere along the way and were indoctrinated into the "Cult of _____." There you learned that no artist shall come before _____. Especially artists who are similar in style, voice, look or success to _____. In fact, you shall use every opportunity to shoot arrows (verbally - well, txt-ually) at that artist. Fans of that artist are jealious of _____ (sic). Also, you must use all facets of technology to follow and defend _____. Alerts are sent to your inbox anytime _____'s name is mentioned in a blog post. Was it a positive mention? Yes. Agree! Agree! Agree! No. Jealious! Jealious! Jealious! (sic)

Once a fangirl of _____, you must hate the predetermined rival of _____. This is the most unbreakable rule of fight club.... err, fangirl-dom.

You must friend _____ on Facebook, listen to their music on Myspace (even though you already own a digital and physical copy of the album) and follow them on Twitter. Anytime they tweet, you must reply. After a while, you must reply with the belief that this person knows you and reads all YOUR tweets. If they tell a joke, LOL! If they reveal news, OMG! Because they read all replies themself and love to hear from you and you alone, oh obsessed one. They are not creeped out AT ALL!

_____'s latest single is the best one yet. Their latest album takes it to another level. Their current tour is the awesomest tour in the history of the world. Their latest promo pics are NOT PHOTOSHOPPED! They got snubbed for that award! It's behind the scenes politics because he/she's so hot!!!

Uh oh, third single tanked. That's okay, new single from next album already released even though it's not very good because top songwriters are no longer pitching _____ their best material. Call all the radio stations and request that turd anyway. Program manager's never heard of it? Screw him!!!

Dropped from the label? Well, I still like _____. They'll get picked up by somebo.... huh, who was I talking about again? Oh, yeah... ____ is still pretty good, I just, you know... I listen to them sometimes, I guess.

Hey, who's singing that new song? Is she popular? Carrie who? Hmmm.

OMG URN4A SACKPUNCH!

FWC&G: Willie Duets

Songs Illustrated 11

.99 Review: Bucky Covington "Gotta Be Somebody"

.99 Review

Bucky Covington

"Gotta Be Somebody"

The People's Take

The people have no take because this song hasn't been released on iTunes yet. I'm imagining the average comment will go something like this:

Bucky & Nickelback - How can you go rong? (5 Stars) – This is my favorite Nickelback song (and that's saying a lot!!!) so I was sooo happy to fine out that Bucky was redoing this song! He is a nice guy who ackshally enjoys his career and values fans and their support.

- Dumdum Superfan

My Take

It's Bucky Covington covering a Nickelback song...

How can I say this sucks? Let me count the ways.

Awful, blows, wack, toolish, appalling, dreadful, terrible, horrific, ignominious, stank-ass, bummer, cringeworthy, disconcerting, routine, commonplace, grievous, pedestrian, like soggy cereal, loathsome, leaving a lot to be desired, deplorable, rubbish, abominable, excruciating, agonizing, unbearable, intolerable, unendurable, vile, foul, heinous, abhorrent, egregious, soggy, loathsome, yucky, godawful, shitty, noisome, putrid, objectionable, repellent, nauseating, revolting, unpleasant, contemptible, wretched, FAIL, shabby, worthless, useless, poor, pathetic, garbage, detritus, dross, crap, pitiful, lamentable, lame, ass, brutal, crappy, crummy, ill, lousy, painful, unsavory, shameful, degrading, sucky, douchy, douchebaggery, unsatisfactory, undesirable, disagreeable, displeasing, inadequate, unacceptable, bad, substandard, weak, mediocre, no good, lacking, delete-able, wanting, subpar, defective, over-processed, deficient, insufficient, inferior, no great shakes, shite, feces, corny, excrement, onerous, doo doo, caca, pooh, poop, manure, filth, muck, mess, night soil, unwanted, distasteful, nasty, irksome, annoying, irritating, vexatious, repugnant, repulsive, unlistenable, ineffective, below average, disastrous, bomb, flop, feeble, flimsy, mushy, indistinct, impotent, tasteless, flavorless, bland, ham-fisted, insipid, milquetoast, not up to scratch, abysmal, unfortunate, incompetent, inept, sorry, miserable, faulty, not up to snuff, woeful, bum, rotten, not up to par, atrocious, second-rate, inauspicious, unsuitable, dud, stale, tired, banal, played out, uninteresting. fecal matter, turd, boring, unstimulating, uninspiring, colorless, lifeless, mundane, mind-numbing, wearisome. the perfect storm of crud, tripe, drivel, rot, malarkey, twaddle, trash, unsubstantial.

I count 175 ways this song sucks.

And honestly, all I had to say was "It's Bucky Covington covering a Nickelback song" and you could have searched the thesaurus yourself.

Friends, the bar has been set. I don't see anybody limboing under this one.

Total value: .06/.99

The Checklist

Church/God

Mama

Boots

Name Dropping

Dying Person

County Fair

Lost Love

Love

Hometown Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

Life Affirmation

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Star Power

I'm thankful for: a break

This year I'm getting 2 whole days off for Thanksgiving for the first time in years, and although Friday is on my tab, I'm still thankful to get a little rest! I hope you enjoy the holiday and have some great food and fellowship with family (or at least enjoy some football). See you in a few days!