Apr 21, 2010

In the Year 2030 #3

•Murder rates and crystal meth production in the rural south drop to lowest levels in history; Drive-by Truckers disband

•Kenny Chesney puts out a song about his old blue Craftmatic adjustable bed

•Justin Bieber reaches puberty

•After talking about it for 21 years, Kellie Pickler finally releases a traditional country album

•Ke$ha named Best New Artist at CMAs

•A new genre called funktry fuses 70's funk with 90's style country - cowboy hat and shiny pink glasses clad Bootsy Brooks is its biggest star

•Potheads flock to Willie Nelson's grave for contact high

•Rappers, having run out of clever ways to refer to a woman's posterior, release hit songs with titles like "Jostle Yo Heinie Thang" and "I Want Your Ass Cheeks Against My Crotch While We Dance."

•Keith Richards, the only surviving member of the Rolling Stones, is arrested for possession of cocaine at a London nursing home

•Chinese Democracy 2 released, wheelchair-bound Axl tours with entirely computerized backing band whom he despises

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