Think outside the box. Write from your own unique perspective. Tell an old story in a new way. This is advice losers give aspiring songwriters. Does anybody who followed those guidelines have a top 10 hit under their belt (or a big swinging tallywacker under their belt)? Hell no. Do any of those p***ies have a house the size of a community college? Do they have an elevator in their home with a full bar? Do they have f**kin' spotlights shining their glory upon the Nashville skyline? The answer again is hell no. So who are you going to listen to? Somebody who had a #34 hit in 1996 and now makes a living doing songwriter conferences or teaching creative writing has no business telling you how to bank them John Rich dollaz, homey. At Mt. Richmore, we do it big. We do it right. We research the Billboard charts and find the common threads that make the morons call their local station and request the latest "my by-God truck has tires bigger than your mama's beer gut" song. Screw originality. And I don't mean make sweet country lovin' to it, I mean, bend it over and give it to originality hard with no KY. You do for you and if you're like me, doing for you is doing for them big face bills. So in summary, think inside the box, write with the zombie masses in mind and tell old stories the same old damn way. Just throw in a few different truck accessories that weren't mentioned on the last top 10 Florida-Georgia Line smash. If you want to be an artist, move to San Francisco and decorate interiors or whatever those people do when they're not tearing down America. America was built on the backs of stupid people and a fool and his money are soon giving that money to me. Believe that, homeslice.
*Not actually written by John Rich.