Mar 19, 2015

OMG Reviews: Brittany Says Goodbye

"Take Your Time"

Hey guys, it's been a while! I'm sad (but more happy) to say this is going to be my final review for Farce the Music. It's been fun, but I'm 17 now, about to head off to community college in fall and I just don't have the time or inclination to review country songs any more. I'm so over talking about Tyler Hubbard's abs or Keith Urban's old man appeal. My tastes have matured. I'm more into dance music these days, though I'll always love my Hunter Hunter Hunter!

For my final review, I'm going to cover Sam Hunt's "Take Your Time." OMG! (one last girlish squeal!) Sam is a hottie. He's tall and in shape and seems to be so smart too. Now, Trailer and all his lame-ass buddies are going to tell you that this song IS NOT COUNTRY (spoken in an authoritarian, down-their-nose tone of voice - because you couldn't possibly make up your mind for yourself, LOL). However, I'm going to tell you that this is what country is these days, and if you don't like it, I suggest you pull out your dusty-ass vinyl records and weep in your whiskey to some old Johnny Cash (yes, I know he isn't Jimmy Cash now) or Waylon. That stuff is never coming back except on blogs by 40-year-old dudes and at your local listening room when Sturgill Simpson comes to town. Get some counseling if you can't deal.

"Take Your Time" is partially spoken, partially sung, and entirely sexy. Sam takes on the role of a gentleman who just wants to chat up a lovely lady. He doesn't want to be the typical dude who just wants to get in them Vicky Secrets. Now look, we can cut the BS here. I know he's just speaking to my inner Cinderella and it's all a ploy to separate me from my $1.29 or whatever songs cost now, but shiiiiiittttt, it's working. If a dude looking like Sam says "I don't want to go home with you," I'm assuming he's gay in this day and age, but I'm willing to live the fantasy for four minutes. Yeah, buy me a mojito, let's talk about hopes and dream… lol, like I'm ready to get all deep on a Friday night. But whatever, Mr. Hunt. (I'm sorry Hunter!)

Sam talks and sings in a country voice, he doesn't cuss, he's a gentleman, the song is about relationships, kinda…. so in my book, this is a country song. Step your crotchety ass off if you hatin'. That's it. I'm out.

I think my replacement is like, the polar opposite of me, so you "traditionalists" out there should be happy. As for me, I'll be cranking some Drake and Calvin Harris and Zedd and Robin Schulz and studying to become the cutest actuary in the rust belt and not worried about your twangy old asses. But I wish you the best.

Au revoir.

(Five Heart Hands, OMG!)

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