Feb 26, 2021

Every Person Who Listened to David Allan Coe’s “If That Ain’t Country” More Than Once Cancelled

Some 42.7 million caucasians were chastised, repudiated, and cancelled on Thursday as Spotify, Amazon, and Apple Music records indicated that they had listened to David Allan Coe’s “If That Ain’t Country” at least twice. Jobs were lost, threats were made, teenagers were doxxed, and 20+ tweet Twitter-threads were dashed off as the indignities came to light.

Transportation ground to a halt, financial systems shut down, service industries froze, and the economy tanked due to the sheer proportion of the population cancelled. President Biden called for calm during a White House press conference to discuss the crisis, then curiously asked “You don’t think they can scan a 1983 jam box do you?”


Most of the streaming sites quietly removed the original version of “If That Ain’t Country” in recent months, but still had the offending song plays archived. 


“We get it if someone listened to the song once; they may have been doing research,” said Equity in Country Music spokesperson Ajenta Koss. “But when it came to light that these people heard the ’n-word’ in the song and then had the audacity to listen again - clearly each and every one of them is a vile racist, unworthy of employment or the opportunity for redemption.” 


She went on to say that the streaming sites were also being asked to provide data showing who’d listened to Waylon Jennings as well. “We don’t have actual proof that he was racist,” she laughed. “But just look at him - you know he was. Those pictures with Muhammad Ali were clearly Photoshopped.”


The controversial Coe, who pretty much exists outside any formal institution he could be cancelled from, offered no comment. The country music legend was said to be looking forward to touring again later this year, rehearsing the three songs he usually gets around to playing, and practicing complaining and walking off stage early.


8 comments:

  1. This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life eat shit

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    Replies
    1. I wish I could laugh but y'all are nuts !!!

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    2. It's amazing that a Black artist can use n this and n that like all through a song,print up tshirts that even Hollywood celebrities wear.but as soon as a white man does the same we're the devil. Where's the affirmative action in that ?

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  2. Fuck you, you lib-tard pieces of shit for ruining this country and infringing upon every American's first amendment rights and destroying a piece of history.

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  3. Absolute bullshit this is fucking retarded

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  4. David Allen Covid19January 28, 2022 at 10:42 AM

    Seriously folks? Put down the meth pipe tell your sister to put her shirt on and read this article together one more time maybe if you rub your brain cells together (maybe phone a friend) y'all might figure it out that this is clearly satire with the joke being made at cancel cultures expense as well as anyone daft enough to chime in upset. I bet y'all are the kind of people who are still mad at your uncle for stealing your nose. (And for most of you your virginity too but that's besides the point). To avoid exposing your condition two more strangers on the internet remember not to take everything at face value on the internet it's one of those rules right next to don't talk to strangers or drink the water from the toilet. Reacting as if this was anything besides that only serves to increase the hilarity of this "exposē" because angry offended replies are seen and taken, by everyone who wasn't too stupid to get trolled, as the equivalent of "attention, hear ye hear ye, I have an important announcement to make! Ok is everybody listening???
    I'm stupid fuckin idiot and I want to make that fact known! I have fallen victim to an obvious prank, I hereby applaud the author for I have been bested by the trickery of this Master Riddler. I also currently have a kick me sign on my back, I'm in mid slip on a banana peel, someone is pulling the rug out from underneath me and offering his finger, I wonder what what's going to happen when I pull it? Fart. Now how on Earth are those two things connected? Now he's pointing to my chest with the other finger claiming I have something on my shirt and HOLY SHIT with his other, OTHER hand he just pulled a silver dollar from my ear!
    I think this mother fucker is David cock-sucking Copperfield!!!
    You've heard of the oldest trick in the book? well this is the oldest trick on the internet. Congratulations to everyone who fell for it. I'm sure it's not the first time someone has
    Laid this truth-bomb on y'all...
    You're all Retarded fucking morons.

    And to the Author/Troll... Good show old chap. You've won the internet! I'm as big of a David Allan coe fan as they come and I laughed my ass off all the way through this and just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier I got the pleasure of reading a few of the butthurt brainless one finger typing thumb up the ass "(The internet? that's the one with email, right?) New fags.
    EDIT: as I spent a couple minutes correcting spelling errors it just occurred to me how much time I've spent trying to educate the booger eaters on the short bus who will probably never navigate their way back here again unless they're probation officer is there to help them. But it's time for me to rush into work probably going to be late and just to be fair and show that y'all aren't the only dipshit fucking boneheads I'm actually the dumbest mother fucker out of everyone here because well I didn't fall for the troll I did spend my last 25 minutes texting you pricks and I just missed out on a piece of ass.
    Oh well the bitch will be here when I get off work but y'all are still going to be "special" tomorrow.
    Bite it you scum
    Sincerely,
    Sikh and Destroy

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  5. Alot of righties struggle with satire. Lefties too sometimes but you can count on going over some heads if your audience is mostly on the right. I think they don't understand why you wouldn't just say what you mean cause they struggle to empathize or see things from others perspectives with projecting their own while the left at least as the courtesy to see things another way and THEN project their perspective down your throat.

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