.99 Review - JR

To reiterate...This is a new feature...I'll buy a single from the featured/new section of the country genre on iTunes, post some select unedited "reviews" from iTunes buyers (The People's Take) then give my own quick, strange review (My Take) with a value rating (x/.99), plus an occasional Photocrapped single cover and a handy, dandy Hit Country Song Checklist.

.99 Review
John Rich - Another You

The People's Take
Not Hardly (3 Stars) – ok so i love Big n Rich but not just Rich...lost in this moment was good but when he is by himself there is no magic...sorry Rich
-BayBay2121

woahh (4 Stars) – his voice is ahhhmazing :D i lovee himm. this sonnng is greattt!
-Chels-E

?? (3 Stars) – where is the other guy
-musky81

STOP WHINING (4 Stars) – THIS SONG IS BOOTY BUT AS LONG AS OBAMA THINKS HE WILL BE BETTER THAN THE LAST GUY OLD WHATS HIS FACE...
-AZMAN2208

My Take
Like 90% of you, I'm not fond of the mustachioed, egotistical, bottle-wielding "genius," John Rich, but I must recognize the fact that he's written and co-written some of the best... errr, biggest hits Nashville's put out in recent years. Like Akon in hip hop music, John Rich is ubiquitous; you can't read The 9513 or Country California or flip on CMT without seeing that grinning mug or hearing about that almighty master of hype daily. He's done reality TV, he's done Big & Rich, he's done jailbait, he's done bar fights. Here, he steps away from the underachieving Big & Rich and does the first single from his second solo album. The verdict: stick to the ho's. John's thin voice can't begin to carry this country-pop power ballad that never really takes flight because of it. Keith Anderson has a similarly thin voice, but manages to pull off his ballads fairly well because his voice at least has some grit and personality to it. Without Big Kenny's contrasting deep drawl, John's just another singer and this is just another song. Oddly enough, this sounds like a tune Lonestar might have recorded... after John left the group (and just an album track at that). Perhaps in the hands of a singer with a more distinctive voice, this might be affecting. As it stands, it's a slightly below average performance of a song that is utterly unmemorable. An additional 5 cents are deducted for rhyming "world" and "girl."

Total value: .20/.99























The Checklist (w/two new categories)
(4 or more checks indicates a higher probability of this being a hit song)

Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Love
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

The Rascal Flatts Project

So, Rascal Flatts is running a contest for fans to design the cover of their next album, entitled Relentless. Well, I'm not actually a fan (though I'll admit to between one and four of their songs being guilty pleasures), but I'm entering anyway. They provided a handy dandy logo and photo kit for prospective contestants, but I had no use for the photos, yet anyway... heh heh heh (evil laugh). Anyway, my actual entry is first (yeah, the tattoo design scheme is kinda tired, but I haven't seen it used on a major label album cover yet), followed by 5 designed exclusively for Farce the Music (warning: not particularly safe for viewing at work or before a meal). Here you go! *For the record, my better half doesn't think it's right to enter the contest and "make fun" of it at the same time... eh, I'm not making fun, just having fun. :)

Daryl Worley parody

I normally don't parody serious songs (well, serious songs I don't hate), but this just fit so well...

I Just Came Back from a Walmart
(parody of Darryl Worley’s “I Just Came Back from a War”)

The first thing I did when that sliding door opened was run like hell
The next thing I did was to go find a mug down at the Wishing Well
Drank some beer and cried a lot into my glass
And when my buddy Billy Joe walked past
He said I don't know what it is, but you seem different to me

I said I just came back from a place where they hated me
and left me alone and ignored
A hell where fat mothers were blocking the groceries that I was there looking for
If I ain’t exactly the same good old boy that walked into that damned ol’ store
I just came back from a Walmart

The very next moment I took a shot of whiskey and stood
I said you’re lucky your wife don’t make you go there, you really got it good
People were cursing and children wore no smiles
There was gnashing of teeth in the baked goods aisle
And I stood in the express lane for an eternity

I just came back from a place where they hated me
and left me alone and ignored
A hell where Nascar displays were blocking the groceries that I was there looking for
If I’m not the well adjusted fella that last came through those swinging doors
I just came back from a Walmart

I hope this never happens to you
Cause a mind is a terrible thing to lose

I just came back from a place where they hated me
and left me alone and ignored
A hell where ratty kids were blocking the groceries that I was there looking for
Chances are I never will be the same
I really don’t know anymore
I just came back from a Walmart

You don’t know me (repeated)

I just came back from a Walmart

Honest DVD Cover

Just so you know...

...I downloaded the kit.

http://www.pcavote.com/pca/influence/Rascal-Flatts/