Countrier Than Thou

Here's a satirical song lyric I wrote a couple of years ago during a particularly overdone round of "country pride" songs on the Nashville charts... Now, with seemingly dozens more country pride songs on the charts and iTunes, as bemoaned on many replies to Country California's recent Questionnaire, it's as timely as ever.

Countrier Than Thou

Backwoods anthems on the radio
Every neck's redder than the one befo'
It's all Skynyrd and pickup trucks
Drinkin, fishin and patriotism
Well boys, if this thing's a competition
I reckon ya'll should just give up

Chorus
Cause I'm countrier than thou, so much countrier than thou
I was born with a plug of Redman in my mouth
Pledge allegiance to the flag, but salute the South
You gotta turn off the rural route to find my house
I'm that much countrier than thou

Raised by my mama in an old deer stand
Built my own pickup with my two bare hands
Wear a cap and a cowboy hat
I'd fight any man but Jesus Christ
Been shot three times and born again twice
I'd like to hear ya'll top that

Hell, I'm countrier than thou, so much countrier than thou
We got a gravel road for Main Street in my hometown
Pledge allegiance to the flag, but salute the South
You gotta turn off the rural route to find my house
I'm that much countrier than thou

Bridge
Tractor, skinny dipping, beer and prison
Kiss my ass if there's anything missin'
Ain't nobody by-God country as me
So don't you never doubt my authenticity

Cause I'm countrier than thou, so much countrier than thou
I learned to drive after I learned to plow
Love to turn Cash, Jones, Cline, Strait, Alan, Hank, Hank Jr., Pride, Conway, Willie and Waylon, Merle and Loretta up real loud
You gotta pull off the rural route to find my house
I'm that much countrier than thou

Spoken tag:
I forget anything? Coe, I love me some Coe! And Skoal!


©2007 Corey Parkman

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Before Obama makes this cover irrelevant...

Toby Keith "God Love Her" Parody

And don't miss the 4 new country Photocrap covers below this post...

Got Mullet
(Parody of Toby Keith's "God Love Her")

Just a hick born in Mobile
Sippy cup of Bud
Mama was a skank
And my daddy was a dud
He always had his thing
in some drunk chick, yeah he was a bad boy

My folks could tell I was somethin'
by the tender age of three
I was crankin' Ratt
And rippin' my jeans
They didn't get upset
They were so proud of me
Their sweet baby

I'm a white trash child
So lock up your daughter
I'm rockin' Twisted Sister and Slaughter
My mama smiled the first time
The barber gave me
The hair-do that ain't stoppin'
It's cut tight on top but the bottom
Long flowing locks of gold, yeah I got 'em
Do my business up front, but
Party in the rear
Ooh wee, got mullet
Oh me, I got mullet

I kissed my mama goodbye
On my first day of school, man
Strutted to the bus stop
With my Crue shirt on, yeah
When this bully came
Said if I wanted to stay alive
I'd let him use his knife
Cut my hair into a bowl
He reached for my mullet
As he grabbed ahold
I took the boy's switchblade
And shoved my shoe soul up his backside

Cause I'm a white trash child
So fool you should watch it
I'm rockin' Guns n' Roses and Slaughter
I tip him big every time
The barber gives me
The do that gets panties droppin'
It's cut tight on top but the bottom
Long flowing locks of gold, yeah I got 'em
Do my business up front, but
Party in the rear
Ooh wee, got mullet
Oh me, I got mullet

Now I'm thirty-five and it's still flarin'
It's so damn sweet, keeps all the girls starin'
They want their fingers round my neck
Playin' with the curls
You see...I got mullet
Oh me, I got mullet
Got mullet
Got mullet