JR's Songwriting Tip of the Week

Wanna write a hit song? Just ask yourself: what would JR do? Then, by God, get in there and do it. Johnny Cash would say to take the bull by the horns and bring something to the table that nobody has before. Something nobody's ever considered before, like Gretchen Wilson. I discovered her... no actually, I'm her dad, no actually I gave birth to her myself. -JR

(not actually written by John Rich)

___ Deserves a Sackpunch

Here's the first in a new series where I rant about wrongs in music and music-related areas. "Sackpunch" is obviously figurative in many cases.

1. Whoever Keeps Signing Guy and Girl Country Groups
Ever since Little Big Town hit it medium, every record company has rushed out their own set of cute young co-eds who can harmonize and called 'em country. Lady Antebellum, while not in my collection, is obviously talented and have a lot of good songs in them. Little Big Town has vocal chops but their song choices have been anywhere from dull to moderately catchy. Things will only become more watered down from here though (oh too late... Gloriana), so let's stop now before I get angry. The herd mentality is what got y'all in the unenviable position you're in today, record companies.

2. Kurt & Layne Wannabes
It's been 17 years since grunge destroyed hair metal and changed mainstream rock music as we know it. Some would say that's a good thing, but I'm sure all would agree that an endless line of watered down Alice in Chains and Nirvana copycraps was not what Kurt Cobain or Layne Staley had in mind. Don't get me wrong... I enjoyed the originators and some of the followers but this sound is way past its sell-by date. Why does every dude singer sound like they've got throbbing hemorrhoids and no pillow to sit on? It's got to end (pun intended). Maybe there will be a new hair metal revolution to put an end to all the angst and grunting! Okay, maybe not.

3. Chuck Wicks
I'm afraid a sackpunch, in this case, might be a swing and a whiff... if you know what I'm sayin'.

4. Every Emo Kid
I thought emo was over in '05, but apparently not, judging by all the flophaired rats I've seen at the mall lately. I actually call a moratorium on the look and lifestyle moreso than the music. Go away, dark, teary wusses and wussettes. Life may suck but you suck harder.

Odds & Ends

If I Were a Bro - Hilarious!

The Name Dropping Song

Cashed My Paycheck (The Name Dropping Song)

I cashed my Paycheck for a few measly Bucks
Drove down to Miller's in my Red Ford truck
Feelin' Tucker-ed out, Haggard to the bone
I had a Hank'rin' for some ol' Daniels Black
Said Parton me, wontcha please fill'er up, Mac
I was in-Cline-d to satisfy my Jones

Chorus
Cashed in my Paycheck
to spend some Jacksons Tilli(t)s light
Cashed in my Paycheck
and went Waylon Friday night

Stewed to the Gill-s, I wasn't feelin' too Wells
Ol' Webb called me a Patsy, I said "Coe to hell"
Then I felt Bare knuckles Strait 'side my head
He hurt my Pride so I had to Yoakam fast
Ain't as Young as I was, but I Toby'd his ass
Flatt on his back, I sipped Lonestar as he bled

Cashed in my Paycheck
to spend some Jacksons Tillis light
Cashed in my Paycheck
and went Waylon Friday night

Bridge
Cops were on the way, Willie offered a ride
But first I had to tell some friends goodbye
Bye Joe and Martina, So long Brooks and Lynn
Bye Ray, bye Reba, see ya later Tim

(Repeat Chorus)

©2007 Corey Parkman