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Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Nickelback - Bottoms Up

Nickelback - Bottoms Up

Dear Heavenly Father. I ask you to grant forgiveness to Trailer for his inequities, as they are legion. I also ask you to grant me grace and patience as I attempt to properly review this musical selection from the rock and roll band Nickelback. Amen.

"Bottoms Up" is the name of this rock and roll song from the band Nickelback. Based on the drivel Trailer has sent me for review thus far, I assumed this was some sort of perverse sexual reference about performing acts that are against the will of the Lord. (Husband + Wife + Missionary = okay; anything else = Hell). Much to my surprise, this song has nothing to do with carnal desire.

Don't let that fact make you think Trailer has sent me something uplifting and spiritual to review. Oh no, this is yet another trashy song that glorifies Satan and his dominion over the material world. While not as vile or sinful as something about intercourse, it is a song about a slightly lesser violation of God's Holy Word: drinking.

I'm not talking about sneaking a shot to put up with your mother-in-law on Thanksgiving drinking either. This is about binging on that unholy liquid. I've already quoted scripture about drinking before so I'll just say "naughty naughty!" Jesus may have turned water to wine, but I'm pretty sure if He was alive today, he wouldn't turn water to "black tooth, 80 proof, straight gasoline." That just sounds despicable. The Devil himself would be hugging the toilet after imbibing in the way Chad Kroeger and his cohorts describe.

There's nothing positive about this song. Not a single word. Also, there's one line that says "Hell can't handle all of us." To that, I say, "hide and watch." If this band were to die today, the black gates of Hades would spring wide to swallow them like John Goodman eats a handful of pretzel M&Ms.

And the music. Is this what rock and roll sounds like in 2011? The din these men create is surely an affront to God. The lead singer Chad sounds like a billy goat coughing up a kudzu vine. Does this pass for vocalization in popular music? The worst singer (old man Chester the drunk) in my church family is easier upon my hearing organs.

If this band were singing "Amazing Grace," it would still offend the Lord's ears. I cannot stress enough how this song and this band make my soul cringe as if standing on the precipice of Hell's pit.

F

Twitter WIN

My political views lean generally to the right... but that's funny right there.

YouTube Gems: Temple of the Dog

Here's a reunion of Chris Cornell (Soundgarden) and Eddie Vedder at the Pearl Jam 20 concert to perform Temple of the Dog's "Hunger Strike." Awesome.

Best of 2011: 3/4 Report

There are a ton of new releases that I'm just getting around to hearing, so this list is far far from steady, but these are my favorite releases of the year so far. Right now... this day, this moment. It will change. (new additions in bold)

1. Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit - Here We Rest

2. Hayes Carll - KMAG YOYO

3. Jimbo Mathus - Confederate Buddha

4. Ryan Adams - Ashes and Fire

5. Austin Lucas - A New Home, In the Old World

6. Kasey Anderson and the Honkies - Heart of a Dog

7. Ha Ha Tonka - Death of a Decade

8. Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears - Scandalous

9. Ponderosa - Moonlight Revival

10. Centro-matic - Candidate Waltz

11. Blitzen Trapper - American Goldwing

12. Stoney Larue - Velvet

13. Drew Kennedy - Fresh Water in the Salton Sea

14. Mastodon - The Hunter

15. Will Hoge - Number Seven

16. Justin Haigh - People Like Me

17. Cary Anne Hearst - Lions and Lambs

18. Left Lane Cruiser - Junkyard Speed Ball

19. Raphael Saadiq - Stone Rollin'

20. Wilco - The Whole Love