Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews - Three Pack

Eric Church - Smoke a Little Smoke

It's probably beginning to look like Trailer only sends me the most sin-ridden of songs to review, all for the sake of controversy, but I don't believe that to be so. A quick look at the Bob Kingsley Countdown reveals trash such as this to be the rule and not the exception. A listener has about as much chance at hearing an uplifting song on country radio these days as a Methodist has at getting through the Pearly Gates. This particular song is only emblematic of the decay of society and our loosening mores. Mr. Church is at odds with his own last name singing this garbage pile of a song. My son-in-law Jerry, a Southern Baptist, tells me that this song is even more devious than it appears on the surface. He says it talks of smoking the Mary Wanna. How he recognizes this is a discussion for another day. Eric Church apparently does not believe in God or believes God to be a liar. God says we are to treat the body as a temple. If we are to trust the lyrical content of this song, Mr. Church treats his like an Ole Miss frat house. I am organizing the ladies' Bunco group and the men's softball team of our church to boycott any radio station that plays this horrendous tune. Any of our teens who have been exposed to it will undergo counseling and laying on of hands. As always, we will add the offender to our prayer list.

F

Miranda Lambert - Only Prettier

First of all, it may be a sin for a woman to play guitar. I'll be researching this in my Old Testament studies and will report back to you later on that. As country songs go these days, this one is a great deal less morally corrupt than most. However, that's like saying masturbation is a lesser sin than riverboat gambling. In this song's first line, Ms. Lambert claims salvation at the hands of Southern charm. Charm never saved a man or woman from the searing fires of hell. Beyond this, Miranda preaches a message of solidarity with people who want to fight her. Jesus would approve of this tenet, however, she ends this statement with "We're just like you, only prettier." Pride comes before a fall, Ms. Lambert. Basically this song is an insult disguised as a compliment. This reminds me of a phrase the ladies of my church are known to say in weaker moments: "Bless her heart." Trust me, if a woman is commenting on your attire or actions with "bless your heart," she does not wish the Lord's blessing upon you. She is pitying you and deciding which of her gossip friends she'll text first. These biddies have been forgiven, but I fear Miranda doesn't even realize her own inequity. This as she prepares to wed that most sinful of cads, Blake Shelton. As a preacher, I could not join these two in matrimony for fear of the Antichrist himself springing from their loins.

F

Craig Morgan - Still a Little Chicken Left on that Bone

This despicable song actually has the gall to hold up sinners as role models. A divorced woman! A pervert football player! All the while comparing them to fried chicken and Coca-Cola. I don't even fully understand that metaphor and I know it's wrong in the sight of the Lord. Also there's some devilish rock and roll guitars playing loudly throughout this ode to finding the tiniest bit of good left in a hellbound miscreant. While these evildoers may in fact be retrievable from those unpearly gates, one should not look to them as paragons of virtue. Write me a song after this harlot redeems her lifestyle - surely she ate of Satan's fruit, and after this ball player puts his pecker back in his Wrangler blue jeans and repents of his misdeeds. 1 John 5: 17 says "All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death. Verily, we shall only look upon righteousness as a virtue worth following. In summation: divorce and tallywhacker texts = damnation.

F