Jul 7, 2015

George and Alan Investigate a Crime

1 comment:

  1. Chase Rice isn't the murderer on music row. George Strait is great, no doubt about that, but the murderer on music row is standing right next to him in that bottom picture - Alan Jackson AKA the Nickelback of country music. Chase Rice is just the apocalpytic aftermath. While George Strait respected and continues to respect country music and its traditions, Alan Jackson has done the exact opposite. Besides practically inventing bro-country and metro-bro (with crap songs like "Chattahoochee", "Country Boy", and "Where I Come From) and pioneering the non-country influences like hair metal, EDM, hip-hop, and Drake style R&B that have since replaced traditional country sounds within mainstream country, it was also Jackson who cemented the now-common stereotype that country music is dumb and ignorant and that its audience consists of racist, trailer-dwelling Libertarian rednecks. If you don't believe me, just take a look at "It's Alright to Be a Redneck" (the title tells you all you need to know about this crap), "I Still Like Bologna" (4 and a half minutes, yes 4 and a half minutes of bro-country torture that you'll never get back), "Jim and Jack and Hank" (AKA Achy Breaky 3), and especially that stupid 9/11-exploiting song where he couldn't tell the difference between Iraq and Iran. And speaking of hip-hop and Drake style R&B, Jackson also cemented those aforementioned non-country influences, which (of course) he introduced into mainstream country, by covering multiple hip-hop and R&B songs in concert, specifically:
    * Akon - Don't Matter
    * Wiz Khalifa - We Dem Boyz ( video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFOtWpul3ZY )
    * Post Malone - Psycho
    * Boney M. - Daddy Cool
    * Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On
    * Future - Mask Off
    * Flo Rida - Whistle
    * T.I. - Whatever You Like
    * Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj - Dance (A$$)
    * Lil Wayne - Love Me
    * Drake - Make Me Proud
    * Offset - Ric Flair Drip
    * Waka Flocka Flame - Hard in da Paint
    * Shaquille O'Neal - (I Know I Got) Skillz
    * Fetty Wap - Jugg
    While George Strait sang "Murder on Music Row" with sincerity, when Jackson sang "Murder on Music Row", it was nothing short of him gloating about his own. Alan Jackson's performance of that song was the country version of Gun Rack's "I Killed Darnell Simmons" from Key and Peele's sketch "Rap Album Confessions". It was Alan Jackson, the Nickelback of country music, who killed country music all along. It's all Jackson's fault that we have bro-country crap acts like Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line, Kane Brown, Sam Hunt, Hunter Hayes, Russell Dickerson, Cole Swindell, and Chase Rice ruining country radio today (although there are some good artists like Luke Combs, Eric Church, and Chris Stapleton). And it's all Jackson's fault that pop singer Bebe Rexha (in a collaboration with bro-country act Florida Georgia Line, to add insult to injury) has the longest running number one country song at 50 weeks, while rapper Blanco Brown currently has the number one country song and bro-country artist Kane Brown's collaboration with EDM DJ Marshmello is now within the top ten on the country charts and likely to keep rising. Alan Jackson, the Nickelback of country music, will never be even be (even in his wildest dreams) anything close to traditional country.



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