May 3, 2019

Alan Jackson Previews New Clarence Carter Covers Album

by Trailer - Originally posted on Country California, May 08, 2009 
Fresh off the platinum success of his largely self-written Good Time album, Alan Jackson took a night off his spring tour to preview some new tracks from his forthcoming album of Clarence Carter covers for a select group of internet media. 

"Well, I've always been partial to, you know, those ol' gritty sounding rhythm and blues songs and they don't get any grittier than Clarence," Jackson laughed genially as he started off the evening. 

I settled into my chair as Jackson began his opening selection - and incidentally also the upcoming album's lead single - the bawdy "Sixty Minute Man," which includes the line "fifteen minutes of something you've been missing." Sounding as confident as ever, Jackson put a little pelvic thrusting into the hook lines, drawing gasps and a little stifled laughter from the audience. 

Next, Jackson brought Alison Krauss, producer of the album (and his previous dip into R&B, Like Red on a Rose), onstage with him to do backing vocals on the randy "Take It Off Him, Put It On Me." They grinned like drunken college kids as they pulled off the number with peculiar aplomb. 

Alison exited as Alan continued his set with the classic "Patches" before returning to Carter's seedy side with "Back Door Santa," donning a Santa hat and doing an awkward "butt spank" dance move during the performance. After some muddled applause and whispering, someone in the crowd hollered out "Do Strokin'!" and the long tall Georgian complied. 

"I'd like to bring up a very special guest for my last song tonight," smiled Alan as he helped the elder soulman Carter onto the small stage. The two traded libidinous lyrics with huge smiles on their faces to the crowd's mix of embarrassment and excitement. The bizarreness of hearing Jackson sing "that's what I been doin'" while shaking his skinny hips cannot be adequately conveyed with any words in my vocabulary. 

Concerns over whether this was the long and dirty version of "Strokin'" were put to rest when Jackson changed the lyrics "you can stick it up my ***" to "you can take care of yourself." "We gotta keep things PG-13," he said with his famous aw-shucks drawl as the song faded. The crowd dispersed quickly after a short, confused semi-ovation. 



1 comment:

  1. If Alan Jackson actually did cover Clarence Carter, it would by far be an improvement over the crap he puts out that passes for "music". Jackson has of course done far worse than R&B covers, covering multiple rap songs in concert, specifically
    * Akon - Don't Matter
    * Wiz Khalifa - We Dem Boyz ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFOtWpul3ZY )
    * Tyga - Hookah
    * Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On
    * Soulja Boy - I Got that Sauce
    * Future - Mask Off
    * Flo Rida - Whistle
    * T.I. - Whatever You Like
    * Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj - Dance (A$$)
    * Lil Wayne - Love Me
    * Drake - Passionfruit
    * Offset - Ric Flair Drip
    * Waka Flocka Flame - Hard in da Paint
    * Shaquille O'Neal - (I Know I Got) Skillz
    * Fetty Wap - Jugg
    So I would definitely would not put it past this soy boy to cover Clarence Carter. But there's a much bigger picture. Without Alan Jackson, there wouldn't be a Luke Bryan, an FGL, a Kane Brown, a Sam Hunt, a Cole Swindell, a Dan + Shay, a Thomas Rhett, a Hunter Hayes, a "Meant to Be", or an "Old Town Road". It isn't any of those artists that helped destroy country music; no, they're just simply the apocalyptic aftermath of what Alan Jackson (aka the Nickelback of country music) did to country music. It was him who basically invented bro-country, with shitty songs like "Chattahoochee", "Country Boy", and "Where I Come From", all of which are littered to vary degrees with bro-country trope after bro-country trope. And before that, Jackson also cheapened country music by living up to stereotypes and thus fueling the stereotype that country music is trailer-made for ignorant, trailer dwelling Libertarian white trash rednecks (see "I Still Like Bologna", "It's Alright to Be a Redneck", "Jim and Jack and Hank", and especially that stupid 9/11-exploiting song where he couldn't tell the difference between Iraq and Iran). Either way, Jackson has pushed the boundaries of country music way too far, to the point that snap beats, hair metal, Drake style R&B, and of course bro-country cliches have become the norm in the genre, leading to those aforementioned artists. If Hank Williams Sr. was still alive to see what this soy boy has done to his beloved country music, he'd either die anyway of shock, or else he wouldn't hesitate to beat Alan Jackson to a pulp (which is the more ideal situation).

    BTW, I saw that Chris Stapleton just made an appearance on Game of Thrones. Although I don't care much for the show, that automatically makes Game of Thrones more country than country music destroyer Alan Jackson.

    #AlanJacksonKilledCountry

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