Country star Dustin Lynch is missing touring. He’s missing meeting his fans at meet and greets. He’s missing a lot of everyday things we usually take for granted during normal times. These are not normal times, and Lynch is missing one of his few positive attributes in these crazy days: his abs.
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the singer of “Blue Eyed Feet on a Dashboard” has been without his trainer for nearly 3 months. “He’s all concerned about his health and I get that,” said a concerned Lynch. “But what about my appearance? That’s what keeps us both employed.”
Lynch, performer of the massive smash “Hometown Honey Girl,” says he maintains a simple workout program of crunches, sit-ups, and a basic weight regimen, but that without professional oversight, he often ends up quitting early to stare at himself in the mirror and take Instagram pics. “I mean, I still look hot,” he said. “But this six pack is turning into a slightly more covered in fat six pack.”
Known for his bright smile and the bro-country classic “Extended Cab Love Makin’,” Lynch has also been without his nutritional advisor during the lockdown. “We Zoom and whatnot,” he laughed. “But without her here in person to stuff me with kale and chicken breasts, I’ve been chowing down on pizza rolls constantly.”
Lynch says he’s gained nearly 4.5 pounds and that his waist size has ballooned to a 30. “I’m scared this Coronavirus thingie is going to be over all of the sudden and I’ll have to go on tour looking like a fatty!” complained the singer of “Where My Good Girl At.” “My fangirls expect a certain level of sexiness, and I’m just a soft 8.5 out of 10 right now.”
At press time, Dustin was on his third Crest White Strips cycle of the day.