Feel Bad For You Mixtape: November

This month's edition of the Feel Bad For You Mixtape features some, uh, interesting cover art from Shooter Jennings and songs from The Eagles, Tom Waits, Alabama Shakes, The Damn Quails and more. Visit the site to discuss or download. Stream below!

CMAs Wrap-Up

If you want a list of winners or a review of last night's CMAs, you came to the wrong place. If you want some rehashed Twitter snark from last night.... well, here you go!

CMA Drinking Game

TAKE A SHOT:

(Of Jager) every time Jason Aldean is shown on camera

(Of Jager and yell "deja vu!") every time Brantley Gilbert is shown on camera

Every time Carrie Underwood changes her clothes

(Of Hennessy) for each hip-hop reference

TAKE A SIP:

Every time somebody who has nothing to do with country music appears on stage

Every time the camera flashes to Blake and Miranda

(Cheap beer) every time you see a male artist wearing jeans and a sportcoat

(Of Boones Farm Wine) every time someone thanks the good Lord

Every time Brad Paisley thinks one of his jokes was cute

(Of flat beer) Every time one of Carrie's jokes falls flat

Every time Kimberly Perry hits a bad note

CHUG:

If Taylor Swift makes the "OMG" face

If a reality show star appears

(Ice cold beer from console) If the camera focuses on Jason Aldean's butt

Every time "If I Die Young" wins an award

FINISH YOUR DRINK:

Before Natasha Bedingfield and Rascal Flatts perform

(Predrink) Before Blake Shelton and Kenny Loggins open the show

If Lionel Richie says something to the effect that he's always been a country boy

*FTM does not advocate over-drinking or driving after playing this game.

Anatomy of a Douche: Mikel Knight

Thanks(?) to Rita for introducing me to this exciting new artist on the scene. Without even hearing a note of his music, I can deduce his douchiness just by seeing this concert ad. (Oh, and his albums are called King of Country Rap volumes 1, 2 etc. That's a tipoff too.)

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Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Wade Bowen

Wade Bowen - Saturday Night

Hello everybody. I have returned for another turn pontificating about a piece of secular music. I am particularly distraught right now, because my home state of Mississippi last night determined that they hate little babies and wish for them to die. With this breach of moral priorities in mind, I'll strive to deliver some clear thoughts about this song "Saturday Night" by Mr. Wade Bowen.

On the surface, this seems the kind of message I could get behind. Bowen asks why people enjoy the sin and frivolity of Saturday nights. I ask this every Sunday morning, my eyes pausing to rest on a couple of teens slumping in their pews and Louie Reynolds, who recently left his wife and has been seen cavorting at a place called Pardners. In any case, this is a good question. If only the reason behind his disdain for Saturday nights was a pure and good one.

However, Mr. Bowen only dislikes Saturday night because his woman (presumably a woman, but you never know with these liberal Texas types) left him on a Saturday night. This has made him cranky about "drunk girls" he wishes the bartender would kick out and a band that's playing music too loud and a couple who is likely necking in a pleather booth. While these things also get my boxer shorts in a knot, I am opposed to them because I am righteous and Jesus-seeking, not because some female set me free.

If Bowen only finds self-worth in the wanton arms of a barroom floozy, then he is surely bound to someday find his final comforts in the warm and ruddy arms of Satan himself. Also, he admits to drinking amidst his pain and his annoyances. Strong drink is never a solution, it can only be a problem unto itself. Oh, one more thing… he tosses off "nothing but Sunday morning waiting for me at home" as if that is his only option. Find yourself in a church pew telling God you trust in his Word, Mr. Bowen, not hugging the American Standard and telling God lies about how you won't pursue the evils of alcohol again!

While this song is fairly pleasing upon the ears, it is a carrier of dark notions and a bearer of sin. I can only pray and shake my head for Bowen, the fans of his music and you, my reader who will probably disregard my warnings and enjoy this turd that the Dark Lord himself excreted. Repent! Repent I say!

F