If ____ Wrote a Christmas Song: 2011 Edition

If Yelawolf wrote a Christmas song
Catfish Billy gettin' ready
Delivering gifts in a big box Chevy
Got meth and speed and Oxycontin
Everything the girls and boys are wantin'
If you on the naughty list, get shotgun pellets

If Hank3 wrote a Christmas song
I been drinkin' and druggin' underneath the mistletoe
I'm a crazed Christmas rebel from long ago
Always courtin' trouble and I'm always on the run
Got a hooker named Noel, snorting blow off her buns




If Lil Wayne wrote a Christmas song
I got the toys like Geoffry giraffe
And you're Dane Cook, can't make me laugh
Ain't got the gifts the ho ho ho's need
Joy to the *&^@#$ (*@#$ @!###$ let's smoke weed





If Toby Keith wrote a Christmas song
I love you, red Santa hat
On a old man who's fat
It's made in 'merica!
It's made in 'merica!





If Miranda Lambert wrote a Christmas song
Silver bells, shotgun shells
It's Christmas in Tishomingo
Aim your shot, see 'em drop
Soon Rudolph will be filleted






If Willie Nelson wrote a Christmas song
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
That's how I celebrate the yule
Where the smoke is funky
And I got munchies
Let's stop for ribs and biofuel




If Brantley Gilbert wrote a Christmas song
Cut off jeans and country boy's kiss
That's what's on her Christmas list
Santa's ridin' down an old dirt road
Sippin' spiked eggnog from the console
Johnny Paycheck was an outlaw
I wish you Merry Christmas, y'all