----------
Bailey Zimmerman - Same Night Different Rodeo
The only thing country about you is your accent and your area code. Any dents and dings on your vehicle are from being unable to properly parallel park in front of your favorite boutique. Your greatest stress in life is making sure you aren’t wearing the same outfit to the Tri-Delt party as one of your sorority sisters this Friday night. You’re sad Lane Kiffin left, but only because you thought he was kinda hot.
You are a well-adjusted, thoughtful, upstanding citizen. You either have a loving family, or a happy single life with a great group of friends. You vote and take part in democracy and your community, and you don’t add to political divisions online. You put your shopping cart in the corral and help turtles across the road. You don’t care for 99% of pop-country but aren’t an asshole about it like Farce the Music.
Morgan Wallen - I’m the Problem
This is the only album released in the country category that you listened to this year, but you’ve somehow made it your personality. You think of yourself as emotionally vulnerable because you cried a little when Oklahoma beat Bama. Your parents consider you the responsible son because you have the least DUIs. Your girlfriend is pissed because you spent more on a neon kit for your truck than you did on her Christmas present.
Beyoncé - Cowboy Carter
You don’t care that this album came out in 2024 because you’re one of those people.*
*people who don’t know or care about actual country music
You stopped watching The Voice when Blake quit the show and you made such a big fuss, they banned you from the Facebook page. You worry more over your grandkids grades than they and their parents do. “Miranda Lambert” is the longest four-letter-word you know. Your recliner smells like potpourri and Virginia Slims.
Gavin Adcock - Own Worst Enemy
You say you listen to lots of old country music and also Gavin, but never showed anyone your Spotify Wrapped because that’s a lie. You’ve rarely voted but you have some strong opinions you need everybody to know about and hopefully disagree with so you can argue online just to feel something. You’re 27 but still hang out at Sonic with high school kids sometimes. Your mama wonders why you never go to church with her lately and you’re not about to tell her it’s because the music minister saw you selling what appeared to be a load of hot copper last June.
No comments:
Post a Comment