Country Day June: Honest Album Covers

Thanks to CM Wilcox of Country California for the idea for the Chesney cover!

Friday is...

Country Day June!

14+ new honest album covers

......and next month's edition will be a supersized collection (25+) to celebrate... FTM's 1 year AnniFarcery!

Relative Size Chart: CMT Awards Edition

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Taylor Swift & T-Pain to Release Album

News of their duet, trainwreck or whatever you wanna call it on the CMT Awards was met with little surprise, since awards shows frequently use odd pairings to grab ratings. What is a surprise is that the duo of Taylor Swift and T-Pain plans to release a collaborative album in coming months. Whether it will be pop-country, hip-hop-country or crunktry, who knows(?) but FTM has gotten its grubby hands on an early rough draft of the cover. (verrry rough)

A Welcome and a Rascal Flatts Parody

I'd like to welcome FTM's new outside contributor, Bobby Joe Beckley. A talented songwriter I've come to know over the past few years at songwriting sites like Tunesmith and Just Plain Folks, Bob will be providing FTM with parodies, ridiculously funny original lyrics and maybe a few songs if I ever figure out how to stream tunes. Beckley's gotten quite a bit of buzz from his silliness, his parody "Whoops I Farted Loving You" reaching the inbox of an amused Jim Femino (cowriter of "Just Got Started Loving You") and James Otto, and his "Ballad of Palin," a political take on "Ballad of Paladin," published in an Alaskan newspaper during last year's campaign. His first contribution to Farce the Music is this parody of Rascal Flatts' current smash "Summer Nights." Enjoy, and check out some of BJ's songs on the links after the lyric!

Summer Bites
(©2009 BobbyJoe parody lyric)

Come on, ladies
It's time to barbecue
And fellas, I know you're ready for food
We went smokeless, cookin' all winter long
And summer's here, so let's get ribs on
Bratwurst, beer and some pig ears
Will make you belch and toot

Well, the bug spray better work soon
So we can get to the food
We start getting all bitten up
And man that just ain't cool, yeah

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite
Come on

Now fellas, you better watch your slaps
Don't hit them skeeters on her tweeters
Or you'll get some crap
Back to the ladies
Ya'll keep sprayin' that OFF
'Cause one flew deep inside my mouth and made me cough

The OFF is getting low
There it goes, here we go
Here comes our doom, yeah
We start getting all bitten up
And man that just ain't cool, yeah

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite

(Bridge):
It's a banquet on us humans
Suckin' blood and even worse
It's West Nile in your file, ya'll
Well, it's dangerous and hurts

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite
Come on

(Chorus):
Summer bites
Dang mosquitos, ticks and chiggers
They all make you scratch and bleed and keep you up at night
Summer bites
They start little and get bigger
Holler if you've ever had a summer bite

Yeah, oh are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
For some summer bites

Yeah, baby
Summer bites
It's summer bites
Come on

http://www.myspace.com/beckleybob

http://tunesmithpro.ning.com/profile/BobbyJoe

Fun With Charts & Graphs: Relative Size Chart #4

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Fun With Charts & Graphs: Relative Size Chart #3

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YouTube Gems: Todd Snider

Todd Snider's new album "The Excitement Plan" came out this week and it's his strongest in some time (and that's saying a lot). Here's Todd with just his guitar (producer Don Was, looking the same as he ever did, hanging out in the background) performing "America's Favorite Pastime," a tale of LSD and baseball....

Reintroducing Gary Floater

I don't know how I missed mention of legendary country singer Gary Floater on The 9513 and other bastions of country news in the past. I only found out about him this week when someone entered the search "maple syrup can't stop freedom" (the lyric is actually "maple syrup can't stop eagles" but I'll give 'em a pass since their curiousity led to my discovery) on FTM. I twittered (I will not say tweeted) that lyric to find out what these cryptic but moving words meant and lo' and behold, Mr. Kennedy (Drew, that is, not the wrestler) replied "Gary Floater, look it up." My next few minutes were a journey into destiny. My ears beheld the glory of Mr. Floater's nuggets of wisdom. My days pre-Gary had a vast emptiness I didn't even feel, an unknown longing that has now been satisfied. If Farce the Music had a house band/artist, it would surely be Gary... now it's time for you to discover him too.

http://www.garyfloater.com/

http://www.myspace.com/garyfloater

And a free download of the tribute album is here: http://www.garyfloater.com/tribute.html

Diez música hip-hop álbum que honesto cubre

10 Hip-Hop Honest Album Covers...

99 Cent Review: Gretchen Wilson

Gretchen Wilson - If I Could Do It All Again

The People's Take

Noisey and distracting (1 star) – Phoooey! I love Gretchen and almost bought the new single unheard. Glade I gave it a listen. "If I Could Do It All Again" should be done again without all the noise!
by phuky

Editor's note: Come again? I'm thinking phuky accidentally previewed a new Sonic Youth song.

Does not have the same edgy feel (3 stars) – Gretchen needs to get her act together and start writing those hardcore drinking fighting in a parkinglot songs this song does not do justice she is selling out

by musicman55456

Editor's note: No, I didn't make that review up.

My Take

Comeback attempt #24 (or is it #25?) sees Gretchen Wilson gracefully confessing that if she could magically jet onto the Lost island and turn the frozen donkey wheel to go back a few years (but not to the 70's though, no way she'd trade jeans for jumpsuits, but then again, she might dig that Dharma beer!) she'd do a lot of things different (that sounds familiar). First listen I thought... here we go, another listing song. Yawn. Guns n' Roses was next alphabetically on iTunes so I checked out "Welcome to the Jungle" to cleanse my palate and came back for another play. This time around, I had a completely different reaction. It felt more like a logical line of heartfelt admissions than a listing song...Gretchen's sincerity came through loud and clear. It's a tune that travels a heavily trodden path, but it walks its own steps at its own pace. That said, "If I Could Do It All Again" is very reminiscent of Tim McGraw's "My Next 30 Years" in tone and also in the way it seems perfectly tailored to the singer's life experiences and isn't simply a laundry list of regrets. It's a mature song that fans of Gretchen should relate to as easily as they did "Redneck Woman." It may also pull in a few new fans with its honest delivery and relatable topic. It's no classic but this sounds like a hit, and despite being right in the country-rock vein, it sounds way more country than most of its contemporaries. Here's hoping Gretchen doesn't have to take her earrings off and whoop some radio programmers' asses.

Total value: .75/.99

One More Editor's Note: This was the first .99 review song that actually cost me $1.29 but it's easier to keep .99 as the standard, so the top potential value will remain at that amount.

The Checklist

Church/God
Mama (being one... does that count?)
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost LoveLove
Hometown Pride
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power

Parody of Jimmy Wayne's "I Will"

I'm Whipped

(parody of Jimmy Wayne's "I Will")

Oh, girl it's you

I bow down to

the one I've been dreamin' of

Now that I know

It's hard to let go

I don't want to lose your love

Here's what I will do

To make you always stay here

Be more of a sister than a lover or mate

If you go out ho'ing

I won't say a word

Girl, I am compliant

Remember for sure

I'm whipped and I will

Give up my balls for you

if you want 'em

Revoke my manhood

you already own it

I'll do anything

It's no shame to bear

It's true

I'm whipped, I'm whipped, I'm whipped

The tears in my eyes

And joy in my life

You're the source of happiness

Do you feel the same

Or am I a little strange

Call me names, get it off your chest

I don't wanna creep you out

Like a stranger

Girl don't call the cops on me now

I thought you and me were a thing

Just slap my face

Or use your knee

It won't cause me pain

I'm whipped, I will

Give up my balls for you

if you want 'em

Revoke my manhood

you already own it

I'll do anything

It's no shame to bear

It's true

I'm whipped, I'm whipped, I'm whipped

I'll grant your wishes every one, 

I'll cut ties with the guys just to hold you

I'm whipped

If you need a woman to talk to 

Well, I'm nearly one it's true

I'm whipped

ah ha

Give up my balls for you

if you want 'em

Revoke my manhood

you already own it

I'll do anything

It's no shame to bear

It's true

I'm whipped, I'm whipped, I'm whipped

Fun With Charts & Graphs

Click for a closer view.

Odds & Ends

YouTube Gem: Literal They Might Be Giants Video

You might have already seen some of these literal translations of videos... they've been shared a lot on Twitter and Facebook this week. Here's one of They Might Be Giants' hit "Birdhouse in Your Soul." Then, if you haven't seen it, go search YouTube for "Total Eclipse of the Heart literal video." Very funny.

Inappropriate Ad

Fun With Charts & Graphs: RSC #2

Fun With Charts & Graphs: RSC #1

Here's the first of a new recurring "FWC&G" feature. 

Nashville P.D. Gets Smart

Good thinking Nashville!

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #9

Keep it in the pocket. Today's country audience doesn't want to hear about giving a girl the ol' one eyed monster, even if that's what's on your mind. Soccer mom Madison wants to hear how wrong she was done by her ex husband (in a humorous manner of course). She wants to hear about love and thinking back to teenage days and drinking wine from a Dixie cup. Not about how your last threesome went awry when one of the parties turned out to be a Bobbi with a "y." Safe: God, pie, beer, mama. Not safe: herpes, rope burns, naked slap fights.

Not actually written by John Rich.

.99 Review: Mark McKinney

Mark McKinney - Middle America

The People's Take

Oh Yeah! (5 Stars) – Awesome song! Great lyrics, tight players, love the drum fills (you don't hear those kinds of licks on a country record), and I will be excited to hear the rest of the new album! The bridge adds a lot of energy to carry the song home- my favorite part.
by eye ballers

Middle America (5 Stars) – Modern day classic!
by cabo robo

My Take

Somewhere between Mellencamp's small town laments and The Warren Brothers' occasional faux-losiphizing lies Mark McKinney's "Middle America." It's a fairly catchy ode to life in southwestern central Gambia, I mean ...middle America. This song falls somewhere between a modern day classic and a big steaming pile of poop. It all sounds pretty good to these ears, and Mark does a pretty good job of summing up what middle-Americans are going through these days. My main issue is with the hook. Is there such thing as middle pride? Is he referring to those of us between coasts or just the landlocked among us? He mentions that middle is

between left and right (whew! thanks for clearing that up!) but is that a political statement or a geographic one? Who is supposed to sing along? And are we supposed to feel okay about putting the American dream on a high interest plan? Isn't that what got us in this mess to begin with? Towards the end of the song, Mark pulls an Eric Church and starts listing the finer points of residing in the places in America that aren't tops, bottoms or edges. I'm thinking people on the lower right side can experience rock music too Mark. Now that I've started thinking too hard about this song, I realize you're not supposed to do that. Just roll down the windows and proclaim your middle-Americanness!! Hooray debt!

Total value: .45/.99

The Checklist

Church/God
Mama
Boots
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Love
Hometown Pride (Middle pride, anyway)
Kindly Advice
Truck
Whiskey
Beer
Life Affirmation
USA
Soldiers
Pop Sheen
Star Power