Aussie Country Day

My apologies to my Australian readers (all 2 of you!) for my likely misuse of slang and whatnot. I did the best I could with a Wikipedia education. Thanks to Twitter follower Seven Shells Media for the idea for this theme day!

Repost of an Again Relevant Rerun

Gloriana Parody

I'm sorry. That's about all I can say to you regarding the following parody lyric. I wouldn't write so many parodies about gastrointestinal issues, if so many country hits didn't have the word "heart" in the title.

I'll make it up to you tomorrow with "Aussie Country Day" - 13+ parody album covers of all Australian country artists (and one guy from New Zealand).

Okay, proceed no further if you have class or a sensitive gag reflex. Or do, it's your keyboard.

Violent Farts

(A parody of Gloriana's "Wild at Heart")

Downed a sackload

Wet, hot chitlins

Felt my insides slippin' greased and wild

I ripped one

Pants came undone

Stomach clenched and the stench was so vile

I've never been one to go half-ass

So the next one came out twice as fast

This one hurt so bad I nearly cried

Down there my guts are bindin'

Typhoons they brew behind me

Hell bent on racin' down that dumpy ride

Darlin' if you're smart, you'll listen

You'd better keep your distance

I got that somethin' baby,

Violent farts

About midnight, Mylanta

But a chill runs down my spine

See my stomach, it's expandin'

It's really gonna blow this time

Stick your hand into my back pocket

If you want it to fly like a rocket

My new pair of Levi's are defiled

(Chorus)

O-oh, that ain't right

Pepto Bismol can't fight what's yet to come

O-oh, that ain't right

Got the devil's wind coming out of my bum

(Chorus) x2

They've got me hunching baby,

Violent farts

O-oh, all night

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #13

Clichés, smichés. They're well known because they're true. Get as famous as me, and you can write whatever trite, overused themes and lines in a song you danged well care to. If you want to put in a line about a "mansion on a hill" or "crankin' Hank" or have grandpa give some advice just before he breathes his last Marlboro tinged breath while seraphim are circling over his friggin' head just before the final chorus, do it. Well, not you... but me. I can.

*Not actually written by John Rich.

Drunk old men in bars = our greatest philosophers?

This is a satirical lyrical take on all the "old man/drunk old man in a bar imparts great knowledge upon a young man having love troubles" songs. I'm looking at you "People are Crazy."

What the Old Man Said

Was on the outs with my lady
So I checked myself into a bar
Ordered up a seven and seven
Set fire to a Cuban cigar
Old drunk struck up conversation
Asked "What are you here to forget?"
So I told him of all my problems
And this is what the old man said

These days I wear diapers
Cause I can't hold it in
Spongebob is my hero
Sweet taters make me grin
Women, they's all bitches
Now Jack Daniels is my girl
I believe in UFO's
Oh, think I'm gonna hurl

I pondered on his thoughtful words
Smiled at the wisdom therein
Ordered up a seven and seven
For my philosophical friend
He talked the new world order
And how he wished his name was Ted
Then I noticed a tear in his eye
And this is what the old man said

I like to play Atari
Global cooling is a scam
Yes I wear a Speedo
When I slice deviled ham
Jack Ingram is my savior
Could you scoot your stool up close?
Penis rhymes with Venus
Would you butter my rye toast?

Bridge
I never saw that old man again
Till the day I heard he was dead
He'd left me a note, some nugget he wrote
And this is what the old man said

"Bye"

©2009 Corey Parkman