5 Random Parody Album Covers

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Alan Jackson - Long Way to Go

Alan Jackson - Long Way to Go

I was excited to see that Alan Jackson, the singer of the wonderful gospel album Precious Memories, had a new song out. Then I listened to "Long Way to Go."

A few words come to mind as this wretched song plays: hypocrite, backslider, Pharisee, lip server. Apparently this great gospel music singer also has a side-career as a forsaken secular country singer.

I had hoped in my heart of hearts that the "long way to go" was the narrow path through this sinful world, but my hopes were dashed on the salty rim of a bug-ridden margarita glass. This song is about drinking alcoholic beverages to rid the mind and heart of "women that had done us wrong."

Lord, what are we to do when even the supposed "good" people of the entertainment world also dabble in the humanistic pursuits of this mortal coil? Who are we to look to? I fear for a world where young mop-haired girl singing about "baby baby baby" is held up as a paragon of virtue. Et tu Alan Jackson?

Alcohol has no good use other than cleansing barbed wire fence wounds. Let's take a look at some notable Biblical examples of the evils of His Satanic Majesty's beverage of choice.

"Noah became drunk; the result was immorality and family trouble" Genesis 9:20-26

"Nabal died after a drunken spree" 2 Samuel 13:28-29

And the most important verse in the entire Bible:

"If a Christian brother is a drinker, do not associate with him." 1 Corinthians 5:11

Mr. Jackson, I de-associate myself with you, brother. Alcohol is not a solution, it is the problem. It leads to stronger drugs. It makes people enjoy Jason Aldean music. It causes accidents forewarned by "Hey y'all watch this." It led to my daughter's shotgun marriage due to her impregnation.

Damn you evil spirits. And I pray for you, Alan.

F

Band Mashup: BP+PF

The Band Perry Farrell

Satirical Lyrical: A Realistic Summer Song

Here's a more realistic take on all the "got my girl and the weekend and my truck and we're going to the cabin and life is good" songs that come out about this time of year, just in time for summer country radio.

Here We Go

©2011 FTM Satire

I already paid the cabin rent

So we'll have fun, or you can go get bent

You're mad that your poodle couldn't come

But her yappin' makes it hard to get me some

Get your dirty feet off my dash

And gas is high, you best pitch in some cash

Beer is cold, but it's only Natty Light

The music's loud cause we just had a fight

But here we go

Down this old dirt road

Skies are blue, the sun's aglow

We got fish to catch and boats to row

Stop calling me a so and so

Oh no, here we go

Good thing you look good as you look

Cause you won't touch a fish or bait your hook

Girl I thought you quit those cigarettes

You said you've got bad habits you ain't quit yet

Water's fine but I don't like your drift

And I think that bikini top is last year's fit

Now you say you need to take a leak

But I think we're paddling up shit creek

Oh here we go

Sun is hangin' low

Boat's takin' on water slow

Dragonflies dipping to and fro

Try to kiss you but you say no

Oh no, here we go

Bridge

Now the rain is falling on this old tin roof

Your nightshirt's got me in the mood

But we ain't said a single word

And you're over there playin' Angry Birds

Oh here we go

The end is coming close

Rain comin' down like our hopes

No romance in the candle glow

Guess I'll watch the Kimmel show

Oh no, here we go

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week