If ____ Wrote a Christmas Song: 2011 Edition

If Yelawolf wrote a Christmas song
Catfish Billy gettin' ready
Delivering gifts in a big box Chevy
Got meth and speed and Oxycontin
Everything the girls and boys are wantin'
If you on the naughty list, get shotgun pellets

If Hank3 wrote a Christmas song
I been drinkin' and druggin' underneath the mistletoe
I'm a crazed Christmas rebel from long ago
Always courtin' trouble and I'm always on the run
Got a hooker named Noel, snorting blow off her buns




If Lil Wayne wrote a Christmas song
I got the toys like Geoffry giraffe
And you're Dane Cook, can't make me laugh
Ain't got the gifts the ho ho ho's need
Joy to the *&^@#$ (*@#$ @!###$ let's smoke weed





If Toby Keith wrote a Christmas song
I love you, red Santa hat
On a old man who's fat
It's made in 'merica!
It's made in 'merica!





If Miranda Lambert wrote a Christmas song
Silver bells, shotgun shells
It's Christmas in Tishomingo
Aim your shot, see 'em drop
Soon Rudolph will be filleted






If Willie Nelson wrote a Christmas song
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas
That's how I celebrate the yule
Where the smoke is funky
And I got munchies
Let's stop for ribs and biofuel




If Brantley Gilbert wrote a Christmas song
Cut off jeans and country boy's kiss
That's what's on her Christmas list
Santa's ridin' down an old dirt road
Sippin' spiked eggnog from the console
Johnny Paycheck was an outlaw
I wish you Merry Christmas, y'all

Scotty McCreery on the Shelf #5

Scotty McCreery on the Shelf #4

Brantley Gilbert Christmas Ornament

A closer look:

FTM Holiday Mixtape + a Bonus Album!

You already know about the Farce the Music Holiday Mixtape, featuring songs from John Moreland, The Rankin Twins, Drew Kennedy, etc + a never-before-released Waylon Jennings and Shooter Jennings track. Now, mixtape participant Robert Earl Reed (country/folk singer-songwriter) has upped the ante by offering his entire album Carlene as a free download* for those who donate at least $5 to Childhelp! All you have to do is go HERE and donate. Send me the thank-you email (there's no credit card info on that email) to farcethemusic@gmail.com and I'll send you links to the mixtape and RER's full album! 28 songs for $5? That's a heckuva deal and it's all for a great cause!



*I will happily send that link to people who've already donated as well if they email me and request it.