.99 Review: LoCash Cowboys

.99 Review

LoCash Cowboys

"Fresh Off the Farm"

The People's Take

Alsome!!!!!!!$$$$$ (5 Stars)) – I can't believe they are not in the top iTunes list, but they do deserve it. They work so hard to get this far, I wonder wats goin to happen nxt wit them- go LoCash!!!!!

-by Gambet

Love these guys! (5 stars) – So excited to finally get some new LoCash!! I just love Fresh Off The Farm! If you've never seen these guys in concert, I highly recommend it! They rock down the house and are so friendly, too! They are just the best! Love you guys!

– by CheerCat35

My Take

So the saying goes: "You can't judge a book by its cover." I call B.S. The LoCash Cowboys are douchebags. Look at them (album cover at bottom of article). One guy's got the blu-blocker shades on and lots of bling, a Trent Tomlinson-issue dew rag, a carefully unkempt shirt and tie, ripped jeans, watch chain, manicured facial hair, the pursed lips kissy face and the two-gun salute. The other guy is similarly attired and displays the "yeah!" face with a one gun salute/"what up" sign. So, yeah, it's indisputable. Strike one.

Could we give 'em a pass if the music was good? No. But fear not, it's not. Good that is.

What really pisses me off about the song is that it's not bad by current Nashville standards. I'd hoped to make fun of the production values, because I'd heard a couple of songs from their self-released debut and it was charmingly awful. Not so now, what with Jeffrey Steele at the helm, they sound just like everybody else in Nashvegas. Like a PG-13 Rascal Flatts even. So, they robbed me of that angle for talking trash about them. Strike two.

I'm not going to actually review this song (do I ever?). All you need to know is that it sounds something like the aforementioned Rascal Flatts by way of Big & Rich's "Save a Horse..." and that the 'boys provide you with this handy-dandy checklist to cull potential girlfriends:

[ ] wears Daisy Dukes

[ ] wears cowboy boots

[ ] is cornfed

[ ] is fine as Ellie May

[ ] green as John Deere

[ ] has a hourglass figure

[ ] gets you high as a barn

[ ] can load shotgun

[ ] can fish

[ ] can milk a cow

[ ] is homegrown

[ ] is country fried

If your woman doesn't meet at least five of these criteria, it's time to seriously consider kicking her to the curb.

Or not.

Hey, Cowboys. Strike Three. You suck!

Total value: .09/.99

The Checklist

Church/God

Mama

Boots

Name Dropping

Dying Person

County Fair

Lost Love

Love

Hometown Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

Life Affirmation

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Songs Illustrated 4

Top Ten Ways You Can Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

New series... self explanatory. Top ten lists. Hope ya like.

Top 10

Ways You Can Know a Country Album Sucks Without Listening to It

10. Singer in cover photo wearing too much Mascara... and it's a dude

09. Ed Hardy thanked in liner notes

08. The album is named after a Hall & Oates song

07. One of the musicians listed is a DJ

06. The lead single is more autotuned than Akon

05. Roughstock gave it a positive review*

04. There's more than one song title with a combination of 2 or more of these words: country, I'm, from, boy, where, backwoods, sticks, proud, raised, way, farm

03. Sticker on cover says "With special guest Colt Ford"

02. The band's name features an intentionally misspelled word

01. If the word "Flatt" is on the cover, but "Scruggs" or "Lester" isn't

*Just kiddin' Matt. :)

FWC&G: Jason Aldean

Click for a closer view.

Well that's surprising