Mar 19, 2015
OMG Reviews: Brittany Says Goodbye
"Take Your Time"
Hey guys, it's been a while! I'm sad (but more happy) to say this is going to be my final review for Farce the Music. It's been fun, but I'm 17 now, about to head off to community college in fall and I just don't have the time or inclination to review country songs any more. I'm so over talking about Tyler Hubbard's abs or Keith Urban's old man appeal. My tastes have matured. I'm more into dance music these days, though I'll always love my Hunter Hunter Hunter!
For my final review, I'm going to cover Sam Hunt's "Take Your Time." OMG! (one last girlish squeal!) Sam is a hottie. He's tall and in shape and seems to be so smart too. Now, Trailer and all his lame-ass buddies are going to tell you that this song IS NOT COUNTRY (spoken in an authoritarian, down-their-nose tone of voice - because you couldn't possibly make up your mind for yourself, LOL). However, I'm going to tell you that this is what country is these days, and if you don't like it, I suggest you pull out your dusty-ass vinyl records and weep in your whiskey to some old Johnny Cash (yes, I know he isn't Jimmy Cash now) or Waylon. That stuff is never coming back except on blogs by 40-year-old dudes and at your local listening room when Sturgill Simpson comes to town. Get some counseling if you can't deal.
"Take Your Time" is partially spoken, partially sung, and entirely sexy. Sam takes on the role of a gentleman who just wants to chat up a lovely lady. He doesn't want to be the typical dude who just wants to get in them Vicky Secrets. Now look, we can cut the BS here. I know he's just speaking to my inner Cinderella and it's all a ploy to separate me from my $1.29 or whatever songs cost now, but shiiiiiittttt, it's working. If a dude looking like Sam says "I don't want to go home with you," I'm assuming he's gay in this day and age, but I'm willing to live the fantasy for four minutes. Yeah, buy me a mojito, let's talk about hopes and dream… lol, like I'm ready to get all deep on a Friday night. But whatever, Mr. Hunt. (I'm sorry Hunter!)
Sam talks and sings in a country voice, he doesn't cuss, he's a gentleman, the song is about relationships, kinda…. so in my book, this is a country song. Step your crotchety ass off if you hatin'. That's it. I'm out.
I think my replacement is like, the polar opposite of me, so you "traditionalists" out there should be happy. As for me, I'll be cranking some Drake and Calvin Harris and Zedd and Robin Schulz and studying to become the cutest actuary in the rust belt and not worried about your twangy old asses. But I wish you the best.
Au revoir.
Brit
(Five Heart Hands, OMG!)
Mar 18, 2015
Single Review: Florida-Georgia Line - Sippin' On Fire
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| From floridageorgialine.com |
"Sippin' On Fire" starts off with a canned beat bed under a bit of generic electric guitar. Then Tyler Hubbard's vocals kick in (vocals: autotuned, processed, altered, filtered) and he tells me that I melt him like ice in whiskey. Okay, he's talking to the understood "girl," not me, but it's still creepy if you imagine he's computer-singing to you. He really wants to byte your bits, gig you with his hard drive, put his memory stick in your USB port…okay too much. Does ice melt in whiskey in a different way than how it would melt in say, lukewarm ginger ale? Probably not, but ginger ale isn't sexy, and sexy is what Tyler aims for. If I'm not reading off some clandestine lyrics website, I honestly don't know what the hell this "voice" is singing for the next few lines, verses and choruses. If you isolated the "singing," it would sound like a particularly nasal robocall dictation of some bad True Blood fan fiction. Something about a dude who sees a girl giving him the look because she's bored with her usual dude and night drink girl flame lighter, blah blah blahhh. None of it sounds very inspired. Even the basest caveman "me wanna screw girl" feelings come off as rote and flippant at the hands of these professional musicians. If they don't believe in the mass produced, tossed-off garbage they're selling, how can we? WE JUST WANT TO BELIEVE, TYLER AND BRIAN! I'm not sure what Brian does here, I just needed to include him because he's half the duo, after all. This isn't a good song. It's not well written. It's not universally relatable, and it's not some ideal fantasy of romance or sex that those who can't relate would ever daydream about. It's a boring song about bored people doing things that might be risque if they didn't seem so bored about the situation and if it weren't being sung about in such a bored and boring fashion. "Sippin' On Fire" is a tenth generation copy of "Cruise," slowed down, bereft of catchiness, and leached of all fun. Filler shouldn't be singles.
F
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