From the Archives: She's COUNTRIER

Originally Posted November 17, 2009

She's Countrier: A Satire

This is a send-up of all the "my woman is a real country gal" songs... (She's Country in particular)

She's Countrier

v1

She was breach born in a Silverado

Raised in shed in a backwoods hollow

Fed cold collards, cheese and pimento

Smelling pig crap every time the wind blows

Lift

Yeah, we're from the same bloodline

But the reason that she's mine

Chorus

She's countrier

Than a muddy ol' fat sow

She's countrier

The girl can work a plow

You wanna see cornfed, better come see her

Your girl might be country but she's countrier

v2

She drinks moonshine like its faucet water

Wears cutoffs to church, no she shouldn't oughtta

She yells "Yeehaw!" everytime she sneezes

Got a rebel flag tatt right next to Jesus

Lift

That's right, the girl's got class

Can get a coon treed real fast

Chorus

She's countrier

Than a poison ivy rash

She's countrier

Name on every overpass

You wanna see a yokel, better come meet her

You might know some country but she's countrier

Bridge

She loves America and Camel cigarettes

All three of the Hanks and cooking up meth

She's countrier

Than ol' David Alan Coe

She's countrier

Than a homemade garden hoe

You gotta hike through kudzu to come see her

You've been to the country but she's countrier

Wylie Lama

Carl Outlaw, Real Country Fan, Reviews New Tim McGraw

Welcome Carl Outlaw, real country fan, to FTM as a new reviewer to replace the soon-to-be grad Brittany Fant. Carl fancies himself a country purist and I fancy him, uh, pretty much a jackass. NSFW.


Tim McGraw - Diamond Rings and Old Barstools

 Really? Really? Tim McGraw is my first review for Farce the Music? Haha. This dude is so fake, he makes the Kardashians look like the Hatfields. How'd he get Faith Hill? I mean, she sucks at singing country, but I'd like to feel her "breathe" if you know what I mean.

This yuppie wouldn't know country music if it bit him in his anorexic ass. This is the same guy who sang "Truck Yeah" in case you forgot. He got down on his bony knees and said "whatever you want Mr. Borshitta!" Waylon never sang about trucks and that's all I need to know. Hank Sr. is rolling in his grave like a rotisserie chicken every time Tampon McGraw opens his stupid mouth.

Tim uses autotune all the time and he hasn't written any of his songs so you know he's a punk ass. Anybody who doesn't write they're own songs by themselves in a dark room while drinking bourbon and crying isn't really country. Pop country is neither pop nor country, it's just bullshit.

 I actually didn't even listen to this song because Tim McGraw is a douchebag and I know anything that comes out of his mouth is crap. Actually, I don't even know who he is and I've never heard any of his "songs" if that's what you could call them. I would pay like $500 to punch him in his Hollywood plastic surgery, plastic hat wearing face.

Go lick some balls, Timmy.



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Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece by a fictional lout who thinks he is the arbiter of which music is actually country. Much like myself, minus the lout part.

Mel vs. FGL

Rhiannon Giddens Performs on Letterman