Farce the Music

May 25, 2018

Third Date Trip to FGL House a Real Red Flag

Kayla Marks recently tried online dating for the first time, and it was going well so far. Was. The first date with Steven was surprisingly fun, just dinner and a movie and a peck on the cheek goodnight. The second date was a bar crawl with another couple, and it was silly and memorable.

Steven had seemed like a potential long-term interest. He was attractive, funny, had a good job, sensible car, good taste in movies, and seemed well-read. But this. This was a problem.

Sitting at the lower bar of the FGL House, waiting on a table, while "This is How We Roll" boomed from the speakers overhead and way too much neon stirred the opening pangs of a headache, Kayla saw a red flag. And then another. And then another.

While she put on a happy front, her head was full of concerns.

"We live in the area, we're not tourists; why would we go here?"

"Do these damn bachelorettes have to holler so much?"

"Does he like Florida-Georgia Line? Ew."

"He's scarfing down those jalapeno poppers like a caveman."

"Glad I'm not paying. $15 for a cocktail?"

"Did he really just say he hasn't called his mom in weeks?"

"Damn it, Maddessyn, we get it… the penis shaped balloon your maid of honor just put on your head is hilarious. Shut up already!"

And it didn't stop there. Suddenly Kayla was seeing every flaw and downplaying every strength she'd seen in Steven.

Yeah his job was pretty good, but he worked for his dad, selling toilet parts. Toilet parts?

The perfect teeth? Maybe he was one of those people who organizes his socks.

And he said he reads a lot. I'm guessing Maxim. Does that still exist?

And why hadn't he talked to his mom since April? Does she also hate his taste in music?

She'd overlooked the fact that he'd had pop country playing in the car on all three dates. She figured it was just habit, or that he'd just left it on there as background noise, but now she knew the cold hard truth. He actually enjoyed the mindless, sexist, cookie-cutter drivel. And if so, Steven must surely have other disagreeable characteristics.

Suddenly her deep thoughts were interrupted by Steven loudly rapping along with the Future song now playing, then, "Hey our table's ready… I got us some Fireball shooters."

Kayla sighed. "Steven, we need to talk…"

May 24, 2018

Buffalo Tom Performs "All Be Gone"

From their excellent 2018 album Quiet and Peace. RIYL: Soul Asylum, Nathaniel Rateliff & The Nightsweats, The Replacements, Dinosaur Jr.

Florida-Georgia Line Gets Outside the Box

No Sleep Roundup: Tyler Childers, At the Gates, Lucero, Charley Crockett

by Robert Dean

As life guru, Marc Maron would say it, what the fuck is up, what the fucksters, what the fuckingingtons?

Over here in unemployed, freelancing writer-land, I’m grinding away, trying to listen to a lot of music, and trying to skim through the trash to give you the hotness that you didn’t know that you needed in your life.

Without further pomp and circumstance, let’s pull the dog cone off and get licking ourselves.

Tyler Childers w/Sturgill Simpson at The Ryman

A round of applause for our boy Tyler Childers for his recent debut at The Grand Ol’ Opry, playing with John Prine, opening for Margo Price's sold out run at The Ryman, and overall killing it. We’re beyond proud of him.

Joe Cardomone, the brains behind The Icarus Line has gone solo and is doing some rad, synthy dream-like stuff that feels like it’s a cross between Depeche Mode on the happy pills and what Marilyn Manson thinks he’s been doing for the last decade.

Holy War is an odd collection of songs that are straight IDGAF about what’s trending, popular or normal. Caromone is on his psychic plane with these tracks, and that’s good news if you’re looking to get weird in the dark over some candle wax and a bottle of Rose. Check it out, but don’t get all huffy with us if you end up wearing a gimp mask, though. That’s your freaky fault.

CW Stoneking is touring the states again. This time around he’s going solo and not with the full band, it’s likely because last time America dropped the ball and didn’t give this dude the reception he deserved.

I was lucky enough to see him play at Stubb’s here in Austin to maybe 100 people and let me tell you, that was an excellent night. If you’ve got any common sense, you’ll head over to whatever town is closest and grab a ticket. The fact that CW Stoneking isn’t a household name in blues circles is a damn shame.

At The Gates released a new record, To Drink From The Night Itself and boy, does it slam. Typically, when a band tries to come back after a classic album, they stumble. It’s a momentous task to follow up something as perfect as Slaughter of The Soul, so when At War With Reality dropped it was just…ok.

On To Drink From The Night Itself, the band found it’s anger; it’s artistry again. There’s no magical reinvention of the band’s style and sound, this is meat and potatoes At The Gates, but it’s a collection of tracks that rip the hinges off the Camaro. 100% worth the listen.

Fat dudes with beards who like to wear flannel are stoked as fuck: Clutch has a new record looming, which is cool. The world needs more tunes about blacking out on the road and writing a rock and roll song about it.

From the groundswell of insiders, I keep hearing this new Lucero record is their best one ever. That’s a TALL order considering there’s a mighty fine batch of songs in the back catalog, specifically one named Tennessee. I’ve yet to hear it for myself, but multiple sources near the Memphis Monsters relay the same story.

This isn’t new information, but can we all agree that the new Perfect Circle cover is probably the worst record cover of all time? I mean, come on. You rockstar folk ain't on the struggle; you're millionaires. Spring for someone to at least try.

Brandan Schieppati of recently reformed Bleeding Through fame talks mad spicy on the new metal and hardcore bands of today, especially Bring Me The Horizon: here.

Lastly, go buy Charley Crockett everything. His recent record, Lonesome As A Shadow is a sleeper album of the year. Seriously. It’s a mixture of Louisiana and Texas that works without coming off contrived. There’s a unique blend of busker timing, but also captures the feeling of what it’s like to sing for your supper. The record features a potent mixture of old school 50’s RnB, blues, and classic country. Don’t sleep on this one. He’s on like, every music platform, ever is touring eternally. Grab Charley Crockett’s record, you’ll thank us. We promise.

Wait. Serious question:

I loved the first Leon Bridges record. I don’t like the new one at all. Where are you with Good Thing? Tweet me and let me know what you think. I need to know what I’m missing.

That’s all from me,

Keep it greasy.