Grandaddy’s Advice (a satire lyric)

Here's a silly little satire of all those "dad's/granny's/grandaddy's" advice country songs.

Grandaddy’s Advice

v.1

I remember when I was five

Playin’ in my grandparent’s drive

I fell off my scooter and skinned my knee

Grandaddy helped me clean my cuts

He whisked the gravel off my butt

Then he smiled and gave this advice to me

c.1

Old Milwaukee makes me sick

Run go check yourself for ticks

Y’know that youngest Golden Girl sure looked nice

Then with a tear in his eye

he said I love me some squirrel pie

That’s why I never took Grandaddy’s advice

v.2

I remember in seventh grade

Ridin’ in grandaddy’s Chevrolet

He pulled over and said it was my turn

As I slipped into the driver’s seat

and felt the pedals under my feet

Grandaddy smiled and said “It’s time you learned...”

c.2

Look both ways before you leap

Damn my drawers are startin’ to creep

How do they make them Crispies out of rice?

Then with a somber voice

He said urine cures hemorrhoids

Thank goodness I never took Grandaddy’s advice

v.3

Ten years later I heard the news

Grandaddy’d flown his earthly coop

Died in his sleep with a big grin on his face

At his service I said a piece

Told some advice he’d given me

And I could almost hear his voice say...

c.3

Don’t pee on an electric fence

Look I just found thirty cents

Pour me some V-8 and vodka over ice

The Lord knows I loved that man

but I’m sure you all understand

That’s why I never took Grandaddy’s advice

(tag: in a sad voice with minimal music backing)

Old Milwaukee makes me sick

Run go check yourself for ticks

Y’know that youngest Golden Girl sure looked nice

Then with a tear in his eye

he said I love me some squirrel pie

Now I sure do miss Grandaddy’s advice

©2003 Corey Parkman

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #45

When I'm not busy writing modern country classics like "Country Done Come to Town" and "Country Trucker Preacher Man," I'm either drinking myself into a higher state of consciousness or filling up the tank another way. What way, you ask? You see son, artists are like rivers running through the woods. As long as good clean water is flowing in, the river flows smoothly and is perfect for taking a couple of lady friends to play "sink the bobber," errr, I mean go fishing. However, if things get constipated upstream, the river becomes stagnant and smells like ass and taco vomit. In other words, keep your mind active... read books (I like to go with Juggs or Glenn Beck's latest tome), watch movies (Transformers and Sex Toy Story 3 were my latest) and listen to music (CBT, CDB). Good input = staying regular and putting out some gooood shit! That's how the master does it. I'm out.

*Not actually written by John Rich.

Awkward Gary Levox Photo of the Week

Photo credit Shelly Fabian

10 Pop Parody Album Covers

RGR: Two Cow Garage - Sweet Saint Me

Two Cow Garage's new album Sweet Saint Me hits digital outlets and cooler music stores October 26th (I'll remind you!!) and, to use a sports cliche, it's a beast. 2CG is a loud, sweaty, snarling alt-country outfit who blend punk, country, pop and bar rock in with some of the catchiest melodies and smartest lyrics you'll ever hear out a band of this ilk. With Sweet Saint Me, the boys play us (thankfully) more of the same, though brought into greater clarity with more songwriting prowess than they've exhibited on records past. The hooks are sharper, the themes more focused and there just seems to be a greater heft to the work this time around.

There's not an insignificant track to be found, so I'll just point out my early favorites (which will likely change because Sweet Saint Me is a big-time grower). The first single, however, is far from a grower. Lydia (official video here) grabs you immediately with its its insanely memorable chorus and its knife edge lyrics about an intergenerational romance:

"Lydia, you're much too young

to have your teeth on the tip of my tongue

If just your lips were a little bit older"

The very next song, Jackson, Don't You Worry, is a loving note to a bandmate's son about the difficulties of being a dad whose occupation keeps him on the road 200+ days a year. It's reassuring but heartbreaking and completely real. I dare you not to be moved.

My Great Gatsby is a treatise on the state of our culture and music in particular. Touching on great works of song and literature, it's an unflinching look at the demise of art in a day of greed.

"DJs are making records, could you please just be ashamed

of your raping and your pillaging of this thing we love?"

I'm not sure if (main lead singer) Micah here boldly proclaims this album "my Great Gatsby" but I won't say he'd necessarily be wrong.

Sweet Saint Me is a special album, long on emotion and absent of pretense; it sounds like they buzzed on inspiration and burned from labor to show us who they are. If Two Cow Garage doesn't break as big as an indie-rock/alt-country band can possibly break with this kickass album, it won't be for lack of giving us all they've got.

RIYL: Bruce Springsteen, The Replacements, Lucero, Drive-by Truckers, The Gaslight Anthem, The Hold Steady, Uncle Tupelo, Drag the River, Javi Garcia.

Free download of opening song "Sally I've Been Shot" here.