Brad Paisley Lyric Parody: Pseudo Country Zone

Pseudo Country Zone

(Parody of Brad Paisley's "Southern Comfort Zone")

When your wheelhouse is the sound of Aldean,

The first time you leave it can be weird, but you're appalling

Not everybody drinks and drives, not everybody is a tool

Not every girl wears cut offs, on dates and job interviews

Not everybody likes to pose or dance around on CMT

Not everybody has to list country things to prove they're country

Oh, douchey man,

You won't understand

When I miss Merle singin' me back home

And I'm tired of pickup truck songs

I will lose IQ points till I go

Outside the pseudo country zone

I have heard the songs of Snow; Jr. ain't the only "Hank"

I don't think a country song should make my speakers crank

I have seen Keith Whitley play at a southern rodeo

He didn't mention pasture fights or bust out a hip-hop flow

I really don't like to see somebody take a pee,

All over the things I cherish like art and honesty

And I miss Merle singin' me back home

And I'm tired of pickup truck songs

I will lose IQ points till I go

Outside the pseudo country zone

I hate your tight jeans and your shakin'

Guitars jamming, disco lights

You're so well-trained at fakin'

Unscuffed Justins, teeth pearly white

I have since become a wanderer

Cause I'm sick of all that crap

Sometimes to find a real treasure

You have to leave the beaten path

Clearchannel's playin' a dick again

And I miss Merle singin' me back home

And I'm tired of pickup truck songs

I will lose IQ points till I go

Outside the pseudo country zone

New Jason Aldean Single Cover Revealed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pqhyh3Mzbo0

Dierks Bentley Meme

Jimbo Mathus' New Video "White Buffalo"

From his awesome new album White Buffalo, which I hope to review one of these days, here's Jimbo Mathus with the trippy new video for the title track. FTM pal Robert Earl Reed worked on the editing!

Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Corb Lund - Bible on the Dash

Corb Lund (featuring Hayes Carll) - Bible on the Dash
(listen at this link)

This song is about using the Holy Word as a smoke screen to throw cops off the trail of any illicit behavior by sinful musicians touring the south. I am so turned off by this vulgar premise, I can hardly listen to the song.

I assume Mr. Lund and Mr. Carll were partaking of the devil's vine and suckling at the devil's teat before proceeding on their hell-ride from town to town, proselytizing to the trucker cap and pearl-snap shirt wearing masses. Being the enlightened liberal sort, they assumed it was okay for them to disregard some local trivialities such as red lights and speed limits. Being from the' open-minded' great white north and the self-important state of Texas, these two are already high on themselves, so it must have made for quite the ego trip.

When the yocal sheriff or deputy dared to approach their sin-chariot, one of these two jackwads made sure to slap a stolen Gideon Bible on the dash like some handicap placard in a Walmart parking lot. For shame. The Word is not a shield for iniquities. It is a sword against the same.

I feel bad for these enforcement officers, unwise to the worldliness of these jaded Americana purveyors. I feel worse for the souls of Carll and Lund. Each time they performed this ruse, ol' Satan himself turned up the temperature of their future holding cells a few degrees, laughing through his fearsome teeth all the while.

If I hear of either of these vile artists putting on a show in my state (probably in the wretched sin-den of Oxford), I will alert local authorities to their scam. Perhaps you should overlook the cheap, unruffled pages of the Holy tome and use the good sense the Lord gave you. If it smells like the mary jane, and drives like an idiot on COPS and bears the reddened eyes of a pot junky, perhaps this is not the touring van of a Christian artist. No sir, these fellows are spreading evil and should be brought to justice.

"Bible on the Dash" is not so much a song as it is encouragement for other wayward singers to use the same dastardly fraud to get away with their crimes against decency and God. Corb and Hayes, fall upon your knees and beg Him to set your path toward righteousness.

F