Apr 22, 2016

Every Mainstream Country Act's Next Album to be More Mature

Citing a need for depth and truth, every single mainstream country act announced that their next album will be more mature.

"Trucks and girls and beer are all fun, but there comes a time when you have to let your heart show," said all of Nashville's radio-friendly country acts. "You have to be honest and real about what happens after the party ends."

Singers and bands as diverse as the previously raucous Florida-Georgia Line and the formerly licentious Cole Swindell were all planning to release more songs about death, love, love-making, Jesus, the working man, disease, rural blight, marriage, divorce, depression, farming, and alcoholism.

"Just like life, you've got no choice but to grow up," said 129 singers, duos, and bands. "It in no way has to do with the success of Chris Stapleton and Sturgill Simpson; we just want to present a different side of us."

Dave Cobb, the highly sought after producer of popular albums by Stapleton, Simpson, and Jason Isbell, was being brought in to helm at least 76 of the scheduled recordings. "I'm honored, and a little confused, but way too busy to complain," laughed Cobb as he worked the boards on Dan + Shay's new track "Daddy Shouldn't Have Hit Mama."

At press time, Chase Rice's new album was being edited for profane sexual content because he looked up the wrong definition of "mature."

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