Mar 25, 2015
Best Craigslist Ad EVER
I wish I'd written this. It's an actual Craigslist ad (though clearly with tongue firmly in cheek). Amazing. Brought to my attention by @thetreywilson
Larry Lee the Primitive Baptist Reviews: Chase Rice - Ride
(link)
Apparently this corrupt song, "Ride" by Chase Rice, is quite popular on the satellite radio. Now I don't know what a satellite radio is, but I do know that I prefer my Oldsmobile stereo if this is the type of vulgar cow-pucky they play on that new fangled thing. This is by far the most spiritually depraved musical selection I've ever listened to. I once had to throw away a box of "Negroes With Attitudes" and "Two Live Crue" cassettes my son had hidden under his bed, but I didn't lay ear upon that evil, and my son didn't walk straight for a month after I did not spare the rod upon his backside.
Anyway, this tune… It is purely about the lust of the flesh. At my age, I'm not even tempted by like of the flesh, so that's already a strike against "Ride." In the first verse, Mr. Rice sings "Whisper dirty secrets while I'm pulling on your hair." It seems to me that she might be yelling dirty words because her scalp is in pain, but that's just me. I'm not affiliated with this sort of 60 shades of grey trash this generation seems to be infatuated with. The naughtiest my wife and I ever got was the time "The Clapper" accidentally turned the lamp on while we were engaged in marital coitus.
Later on this purveyor of satanic infidelity sings "kiss your body from the tip top all the way down to your feet." If this means what I think it means, Mr. Rice may have placed his mouth upon this lady-friend's baby factory! What sickness is this?? The female body is to be honored and cherished, not dripped with candle wax and masticated upon. Get behind me Satan! And I don't mean for homosexual activities!
This is only a small sampling of the odious pursuits explored in this heinous song. Other bits of discourtesy to our Lord that are mentioned or referred to are: non-missionary position sex, drinking, contact with breasts, smoking the wacky tobacco, and possible thrusting. These things are not even smiled upon inside the bounds of holy matrimony, much less within the desperate throes of a one-night-stand or fruitless explorations of a long-term courtship. Sex is reserved for honeymoons, procreation, and wedding anniversaries. Songs like this just make it sound wet, tiring, and shameful. Depart from me, Chase Rice!
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