Farcie Awards: Worst New Artist

While it was a close race with the ever askew Lady Gaga, the Farcie Award for worst new artist goes to Locash Cowboys! Congrats guys! That's a very impressive feat for not even having released your major label debut yet!

Farcie Awards: Worst Female Vocalist

While I have vowed not to speak ill of Taylor Swift's vocals for a while, my readers have not done likewise, voting her easily to the head of this category. Voting breakdown is shown in the chart below.

Farcie Awards: Worst Male Vocalist

Our first result today is for worst male vocalist. Idol runner-up and keyboardist kisser, Adam Lambert, made a strong push at the start of the voting while Rodney Atkins and Kanye "Emo Autotuner" West went neck and neck in the middle of the pack, but after the dust cleared, frequent FTM target Gary "The Voice" LeVox of Rascal Flatts had run away with this Farcie trophy. Voting breakdown is shown in the chart below. Congrats Gary!

And the Losers Are...

FTM's Farcie Awards Results day begins with the reveal of the lovely trophy all our winners/losers will take home (figuratively). Anyone would be proud ....errr, ashamed to have that fine piece of hardware on their mantle or in their awards case!

Happy Non-Specific Winter Holiday

An original satirical lyric from FTM.

Happy Non-Specific Winter Holiday

It’s that festive time of year again

Kwanzaa, the birth observance and other events

Shopping facilities are challenged for space

There’s an upturned expression on many a face

Hang out red ceremonial footwear

The kinara or menorahs with peace and care

Light the candles or holiday tree

Here’s a hopeful salutation to you from me

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Hear the appropriate musical selections play

Observe your chosen rituals

Be kind to all individuals

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Please be sensitive to everyone

Jewish or Christian or those of no religion

Make certain to be careful with your words

Disharmonic greetings can cause other persons hurt

If you choose to give gifts, please be kind

No red or green wrappings, they exclude the colorblind

If you wish to spread tidings of unity

Be sure to offer this ode to each person you see

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Hear the appropriate musical selections play

Observe your chosen rituals

Be kind to all individuals

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Bridge

Well, the tofurkey’s almost ready

And the organic dressing is too

My lifestyle family unit

Offers this formal wish to you

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

Hear the appropriate musical selections play

Practice your preferred methods

Of celebratory acceptance

Have a happy non-specific winter holiday

©2004 Corey Parkman