New Ray Wylie Hubbard...

It's great. I've only listened to it three times, but I can safely say Ray Wylie's new album will likely end '10 in the upper regions of my favorites. Slate calls it the new decade's first essential album. If you've never heard RWH, imagine a cross between Hayes Carll and a toned down ZZ Top (without any of the schlockiness). A proper review here. The only thing about this fine release that made me scratch my head was the album's cover and title (see below). Check out some tracks here. Buy it here.

Parody of Jason Aldean's "The Truth"

Another sophomoric, scatological parody from the demented mind of Trailer...

The Poop

(Parody of Jason Aldean's "The Truth")

Tell em all I went to Walmart

Cause we were runnin' out of beer

That no one should try to call cause I left my cell,

When they ask why I'm not here,

Tell em I'm out on a walk to clear my head of this smoke,

And that I'm probably doing well,

(Chorus)

Just don't tell em dysentary

That I'm here sweatin' like a fool

Tell em any tale you need to,

Just don't tell em bout the poop

Yeah don't tell em bout the poop

Say I got tired of this party,

Went down to the pool hall to shoot a game

Tell em from the huffin' and puffin' you heard down the hall,

That I must be getting laid

Tell em I went to the bar to hear some old rock and roll band,

Not that I'm crying on the can,

(Chorus)

Yeah, don't tell em dysentary

Diarrhea or loose stools

Tell em any tale you need to,

Just don't tell em bout the poop

Yeah don't tell em bout the poop

The truth is that I feel like I could die,

And I slipped back here on the sly,

Man, don't sell me out, I'll even pay,

Please save me from the shame,

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Tell em anything you want to,

Just don't tell em bout the poop

Yeah don't tell em bout the poop

I'm beggin' you,

I stopped up the loo

Yeah man it's true

With an epic poop

John Rich's Songwriting Tips #26

Immerse yourself in the life that your subject matter lives. How can you know what the common man is thinking or feeling if you sit there on your snooty uptown high horse all the time? That's why I bought myself a bar. Well, that's the #2 reason anyway. So I can park my sexy butt in my VIP booth with my favorite bird (Grey Goose) and observe the real American in their natural habitat. If a motherf***er gets too close they could get dropped, but as long as they maintain a safe distance, they might get a song written about them. That's keeping it real peepz.

*Not actually written by John Rich.

.99 Review: Jessie James "My Cowboy"

This song is kinda old... but, well...

Jessie James

"My Cowboy"

The Peoples' Take:

Not very good! (1 Star) – In the video for this song she looks like a porn star trying to be a country singer. The song is not very good and does not sound original at all!

- bradly8

Why? (1 Star) – This song not considered country music just cause it has the word cowboy in it. Terrible is the only word i canthink of when this song comes one

- eaglebacker

Jessie is awesome (5 stars) - Love this songgg!!! I can't believe all the people hating on it tho..

- GhostHunter033

I don't care bout the song but I wana tap that so bad!! (5 stars) - Yummy

- Alwe

My Take:

This is like entering a greyhound in a horse race. This is calling a spade a diamond. This is painting the White House purple and still calling it the White House. This is Saw 5 being nominated for best animated feature at the Oscars.

Surely you get the point by now. I have made the broad statement about one song or another in the past that "this is the least country song ever released to country radio." I would repeat that hyperbole about Jessie James' "My Cowboy" but it would be an inaccurate statement.

"My Cowboy" is not a country song. Jessie James is not a country singer. Sure, she tried her hand in Nashville like seemingly every young and beautiful person these days but somewhere along the way, her record company or management realized that her voice and image were too slick even for the sparkling mess that is contemporary country. Her self-titled album was released this year in the pop genre.

In November, the song was sent to country radio and re-released on iTunes as a country single.

Ten years ago, this would have been played alongside Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle" and no one would have batted an eye. It even sounds like an Aguilera tune, come to think of it. The diva-ish shrieking and looped beats pull this along like some dance club kicker, with almost the only thing country about it being it's title.

Honestly, it's not even a very good pop song.

I would love to go off on a rant about the gall of whomever called this country simply because it has the word "cowboy" in the title, but I'll stick to the review.

It sucks.

Total Value: .10/.99

The Checklist:

Church/God

Mama

Boots

Name Dropping

Dying Person

County Fair

Lost Love

Love

Hometown Pride

Kindly Advice

Truck

Whiskey

Beer

Life Affirmation

USA

Soldiers

Pop Sheen

Star Power

Top 10 Things Seen at Last Colt Ford Concert

10. Someone sporting camo pants, Crocs and an Affliction t-shirt

09. Bad honky tonk dancing

08. A Skoal booth

07. Beachball (until it got stabbed)

06. Confused people who bought tickets to a "country" show

05. Babes who measured 38/28/38/5(teeth)

04. One of the final signs of the apocalypse

03. The world's second best hick hop artist

02. No groupies

01. Cousins...

...making out