Showing posts with label Lenny Cooper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lenny Cooper. Show all posts

Aug 30, 2019

Hick-Hop Cruise Returns to Port Amidst Reports of Chaos and Crime

The Kinfoke Krewz, a Gulf of Mexico excursion featuring country rapper Big Smo, Twang & Round, Lenny Cooper and others, has returned to port in New Orleans amid chaos and reports of crime and illness. 243 of the estimated 703 passengers were arrested once the ship returned shore, on charges ranging from minor assault and underage drinking to kidnapping and drug manufacturing. 

The Carnival cruise ship was scheduled to have a stopover in an unspecified Mexican port on Thursday, but the company and Coast Guard officials said the trip had been cut short due to “a multitude of infractions great and small, and a general prevalence of unsanitary conditions and unhealthfulness.” 

Before the trip even got underway, several ocean-goers were stopped at the boarding gates attempting to drive their ATVs onto the ramp. The vehicles were stowed in cruise line storage and the passengers were finally allowed aboard.

“They said on the message board that we were gone have a mud bog on the party deck, so I brung my Polaris, but they wouldn’t let me on with the damn thing.” said Timmy “Swaydawg” Thomas of Cary, NC. “They best not be a scratch on it when I get back or somebody a** gettin’ stomped.”

Country rapper/reality star Big Smo
Once at sea, situations took an immediately dire turn. All 7 of the women on board (3 of those being hired bikini models) reported harassment incidents to ship security staff within the first 5 hours. Officers were unable to detain any suspects due to nearly every male aboard fitting the description of “moderate height, overweight white guy with sparse facial hair and a Confederate flag tattoo.”

There were multiple fights, 57 reports of alcohol poisoning, 78 thefts, and one abduction. One man fell from a viewing deck into a stairwell trying to catch a vape pen. Fortunately, his girthy stature prevented serious injuries. A convention room had to be turned into a makeshift brig due to overcrowding in the existing facility.

The itinerary, already on shaky ground, was finally brought to an end by several outbreaks of Norovirus, lice, and an unnamed pustulating neck rash. “The hygiene of this group was questionable, to be polite.” said ship captain Paul Childers, “Do they have showers in the Carolinas and Georgia?”

At press time, the passengers of the canceled Kinfoke Krewz were all waiting in line to get in Pat O’Brien’s.

*fake news*

Jul 2, 2013

Mud Digger 4 is Out Today!

But if you're a regular reader of FTM, you'd probably enjoy Chris Stapleton's new single, "What Are You Listening To," a lot more.

Feb 20, 2012

.99 Reviews: Lenny Cooper - Big Tires

The Peoples' Take:
(2 Stars)
Where is black and camo
by 755701General
Where I'd it dang

(4 Stars)
Black and camo
by Muddigger boyz#5
Where us black and cam

(3 Stars)
Black and Camo
by k,doff
I thought Black and Camo was on this album?
I really want this song.

My Take:
If Lenny Cooper had any hip-hop flow, the pathetic-ness of his lyrics might not be exposed so much. If Lenny Cooper had writing skills that produced lines better than "we take this serious, this ain't a game/it's trucks gone wild, man it's insane," his pedestrian flow might not be such an issue. If his voice were something remotely in need of being heard speaking about redneck stuff over dopey beats, both these things might possibly be overlooked. 

Unfortunately for Lenny Cooper, it's three strikes, you're out. There is nothing anywhere close to essential about this ode to monster truck tires and mudding. He's way too serious about having 54 inch tires and lift kits and truck shows to take him serious, even if his rap skills approached, say, Vanilla Ice. Yes, he's that bad.

I'll put it this way. He makes Colt Ford sound like Jay-Z. He makes Soulja Boy sound like 2Pac. He makes …me, sound at least as good as Soulja Boy. This man has no business behind a mic. Lenny Cooper is to rap what Garth Brooks is to anorexic. 

Lenny doesn't even have a bio on his record label's website.

I hate to bag on somebody who hasn't "made it" so to speak, but somebody out there thinks he's good enough to keep releasing his music… so, apparently somebody out there thinks he's good enough to purchase music from… so I have to let people know how bad he is. 

I'm doing Lenny a service here, dammit! He needs to know that there isn't a future in this. He needs to go back and get his GED. He needs to take a few courses at the vocational college. He needs to stop turning down overtime at the muffler repair shop. 

Rap isn't for you, Lenny. That's okay, buddy! It's not for me either and I've done just fine! I know you're trying to find your niche in the world. This is a journey every man and woman must take on their own. I'm just being helpful. Stop it, unfruitful ventures are not worth pursuing!

The song itself praises the virtues of …shit, just read the title. His Chevrolet can do all-nighters. He has the hammer down. He makes people say "Good Lord!" with his comically outsized mudders.

Hey, maybe that's your thing, Lenny. Open up a tire shop… a custom truck shop, sell accessories! Hell, you've already got a theme song! This could be big.

Your rap career, on the other hand… is just fodder for Farce the Music jokes.

Total Value: .20/.99 (it's worth 20 cents for unintentional humor, if nothing else)

The Checklist:
Hard Work
Name Dropping
Dying Person
County Fair
Lost Love
Hometown/Country Pride
Kindly Advice
Check mark symbolTruck
Check mark symbolLife Affirmation?
Pop Sheen
Star Power


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