Nov 17, 2022
Nov 6, 2022
Nov 5, 2022
Nov 4, 2022
Oct 28, 2022
“You could get a McDonald’s combo for two friggin’ dollars and ninety-nine cents, my brother in Christ,” said a gobsmacked Kaitlyn Mack. “It’s like ten bucks now; I blame whoever is President at this moment.” Mack perused ‘throwback’ photos of 90s prices on Instagram, mouth agape, as she proudly sported her $200 vintage Reba McEntire t-shirt she bought off eBay.
Jason Harkenson, an Uber driver from West Memphis, told us he’d initially gotten really into Patty Loveless and Clint Black before noticing the price on someone’s vintage Alan Jackson concert ticket they’d posted on Reddit. “You could get into a show for $25 back then? That’s what parking is now…” he said, Ricochet blasting in the background. “And then I stupidly kept digging and found out a person making $9 an hour could afford a pretty good apartment back then. What the absolute f**k?? I’ve got two jobs and a roommate.”
Many of the younger 90s country fans who took this depressing journey expressed sadness that they’d gone from digging “Friend in Low Places” and mullets to being despondent about the nineties including both $5/6pk beer and strong economic growth and a steady job market.
“Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then, indeed.” lamented Harkenson.
Sep 26, 2022
Sep 5, 2022
Aug 31, 2022
Haven't done these in a while so here we go, with help from Twitter pals. The ones not attributed are by yours truly, Trailer.
There Stands the Kupp
The Night They Drove McCaffrey Down
Jerry Reed Options @Misery_n_Gin
Cross Canadian Football League @lhcountryboy
Shotgun Willie @ReadWatchDo
Why Ja’Marr in Here Looking Like That
Touchdown Troubadours @theadamdrake
Why Brady Why
Punt Flicker Pass @JWOutlaw13
Wagon Wheel Route (Adam Drake)
Lost Dak Street Band @TreyBlair33
Mike Evans & The Moonpies (Trey)
Turnpike Goin' For Twobadours @brianmather
Sunday Night Blues
Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Deshaun Watson @FriendDevin
All the Gould in California
The Cody Wolves @Robberino
Cast No Picks
Delta Down @JonMDanforth
The Charles Wesley Go Routes @wilkins63
If Dick Butkus is Up, Why Am I Down
Lynyrd Pigskynyrd @DavidJoy_Author
Lost on 30 Akers
Shenandoah Checkdown @JArnoldTAMU85
Are You Sure Lombardi Done It This Way (Adam Drake)
Jason IsBall @RCHoyt34
Tonight the Waddle Let Me Down
Streets of Lambeaufield @thatjohnhammond
Houston Oilers Marchman (LH Country Boy)
Sweet Dreams (of a W) @JenJenMichelle
I Will Make You Hurts
Wichita Offensive Lineman @ShawnC96WL
Drive-By Justin Tuckers (Shawn)
The Rita Ballou 42s @The_Reliant
Deebo & Lefty
Matt Stafford & The 400 Unit @mrbalusek
Townes Van Slant @knotts632
Muscadine First Down Line @Western_Grunge
Chase Daniels, If You Please
Grieving, I’m a Jets Fan
Aug 15, 2022
Jul 27, 2022
Jul 18, 2022
Jul 15, 2022
Jul 1, 2022
Jun 30, 2022
Alan Jackson “Chattahoochee”
You actually did lose your virginity on a river bank. You like that the mullet came back in fashion. You probably need to start learning about LDL and HDL.
Kid Rock “All Summer Long”
You don’t wash your legs or feet in the shower because “the soap just runs down anyway.” You have some poorly spelled political thoughts you’d like everyone on Facebook to know about. You have a dog named FJB.
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band “Fishin’ in the Dark”
You either think the song is about fishing, or think this is NGDB’s worst song but it’s still the best summer song… there is no in between.
Thomas Rhett “Vacation”
You are theoretical. There is no such person. This song is bad even to people with shitty tastes.
Shooter Jennings “4th of July”
You don’t use the internet. Your work truck smells like Marlboro Reds and pretzels. You hate Democrats, Republicans, and Libertarians equally.
Deana Carter “Strawberry Wine”
You also lost your virginity on a river bank. You hate that the mullet came back in fashion because it reminds you of your junior year boyfriend who left you for Amanda Sykes. You have kids with a 10 year age gap. You can drink your husband’s friends under the fire pit.
Clint Black “Summer’s Comin’”
You are a Clint Black stan. You almost drove off the road when they played a Rascal Flatts song on the classic country station. You know what LDL and HDL are.
You still have the same truck and the same truck nutz from when this song came out, but there’s a baby seat in the back seat now. You drink exclusively Michelob Ultra. You recently traded in your straight legs for loose fit jeans.