May 29, 2022
Apr 7, 2022
Feb 16, 2022
Stoner? Probably. Beast? Definitely.
Large. Does the same thing over and over but still very popular.
Loves playing the heel. Very talented. Will talk shit at a moment’s notice.
Awesome. Takes up for herself. Most people don’t know who she is yet, but they will.
Tall. Annoyingly positive to the point of ‘go away’ heat.* Old.
Awesomely talented, but not as ‘over’** as they should be.
Not very good at anything, but always seems to be hanging around.
*Go away heat - when fans are legitimately not entertained and want the performer to stop it.
**Over - generating a large reaction from the fans.
Jan 28, 2022
Dec 20, 2021
Dec 17, 2021
Dec 15, 2021
Morgan Wade - Reckless
You have used brass knuckles in a fight, regardless of your gender. You’re a 90s kid who doesn’t relate to those “You Know You’re a 90s Kid if…” Buzzfeed posts. You believe that genres aren’t important, but also think most pop country is sweltering garbage.
Dan + Shay - Good Things
You can’t even remember how to spell your own kids’ names. You drink so much wine, you’re on your way to a fatty liver despite weighing 110 pounds. You don’t like country, and don’t really care if people make fun of Dan + Shay for being soft pop, but you will curse a Starbucks manager in a heartbeat.
Jason Aldean - Macon
You think Morgan Wallen is just a Jason Aldean copycat with better hair. You have called Eric Church a cuck lib on Twitter. You wish you were young enough to pull off driving a truck with a Carolina squat. Your kids make fun of your tribal tattoo.
Morgan Wallen - Dangerous
You spent the money you were going to donate to Trump 2024 on Wallen tickets. You “have black friends.” You and your girlfriend drive trucks with a Carolina squat. You’d say your life motto is “Bad Ass Boys Drive Bad Ass Toys” but it’s actually “celebrating mediocrity.”
Carly Pearce - 29: Written in Stone
You’ve been through it, sister. Or brother. Or whoever.
Blake Shelton - Body Language
The only time you intentionally listen to any music whatsoever is when watching The Voice. Team Blake all the way! You’re suspicious and jealous of Gwen, but will tear anyone a new one if they besmirch her or Blake on Twitter. The police have a file on you, but you don’t have a record.
Parmalee - For You
You see members of Parmalee on holidays and at family reunions.
Nov 4, 2021
Oct 21, 2021
Oct 7, 2021
When your friend can’t go to the Billy Strings show because he’s gotta go to a housewarming party