The Crud Report: November '23

Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs #75

When mami sees Wheeler Walker Jr. on junior's playlist

If Zach Bryan ever gets a PR agent

When a bro in a high school parking lot heard "This is How We Roll" playing in 2013

When the concession stand prices are just as overpriced as the concert tickets were

When somebody says a Bailey Zimmerman song slaps

Name one positive attribute of Jason Aldean

Lori McKenna songwriting prompt

When you hear there's a party with rockabilly chicks, midget wrestling, and a Mel McDaniel cover band

How the hell can a person
Go to work in the mornin'
And come home in the evenin'
And have nothin' to say

When a Childers hater thought they were roasting him calling him woke

Gimme 5 yeahs if Luke Bryan sucks

Conway Twitty’s most successful pickup line

Brutally Honest Country Top 20

By Bobby Peacock. 

(you can tell it's not me because I wouldn't admit a Dan + Shay song was good even if I liked it)

Here's the real thing for reference.

This Don't Even Feel Like Life

Sports! Country Reaction Gifs

When they accidentally played 2 seconds of Dan + Shay's performance over the headset

This one doesn't have a country music related quip. I just wanted to post it. 

The end zone is Bailey Zimmerman's current song, the player (Elijah Moore) is me

Let's get some country rap workout music going!

Me reading "you sound like a boomer" comments under Morgan Wallen memes

Me when new Brent Cobb and Charles Wesley Godwin albums come out tomorrow

Chris Stapleton's "White Horse"

Crying all alone under the stands

Was the piccolo player in the marching band

Zach Bryan fan after defending Zach online

That Jason Isbell is kind of an asshole; but on the other hand, he's the best songwriter of our generation

Disgusting, but still better than being an Aldean fan

Unique Like Everybody Else

Fickle!

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August '23

 A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song  where the good attributes and the bad are dead even.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is a 4 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). The best song (by a hair over Hailey Whiters) is Luke Combs’ monster hit cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” The worst is Parmalee's "Girl in Mine" for the second time in a row, narrowly beating out Luke Bryan’s insipid “But I Got a Beer in My Hand.” I don’t really see any particular trends besides it being summer, always a celebration of cliches on country radio. 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

The Choice is Yours

Hey Arnold! Country Reaction Gifs

If you bet against Morgan Wallen doing something else stupid in the next year,

Listening to pop-country radio till you hear a steel guitar

When you hear Luke Bryan's tour bus is parked at the truck stop

When I start explaining why a current hit isn't country

When your mom loved Shania Twain in the 90s and asks to hear her new music

Why are you a Bailey Zimmerman fan?

Now and then some kid gets bit

When your granddaughter comes over wearing a Kane Brown shirt

Ain't nothin' better when the wind cuts cold

When I catch myself playing Wallen's "Last Night" over and over in my head

Levels of Country/Americana Fandom

Top 10 Ways to Be the “Next Big Thing” in Country/Americana

By Jeremy Harris and Trailer

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10. Stop showering

9. Sound like Morgan Wallen

8. Have a throaty growl that sounds like you’re getting over a sinus infection

7. Get nominated for a Best New Artist award 7 years into your career

6. Only drink beer brewed within 20 miles of your home county 

5. Mention Ohio in your song but live 1 state south of there

4. Sound like Tyler Childers

3. Get a shout-out from Jay Potta

2. Grow a mustache that suggests you lost a bet

1. Sound like Zach Bryan

Bonus from Country Universe:

Be rumored to be dating Morgan Wallen

Know Your Wallens