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Never Forget!

Stolen Memes: Tyler Childers, Rascal Flatts, Morgan Wallen

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The Crud Report: October '24

The Ragweed headline is just trash talk; I'm not even going and I'm excited.

Monday Morning Memes: Jelly Roll, Jason Isbell, Rascal Flatts

Every #1 Country Song of the 2000s: 2009

2009

January 3: "Here" by Rascal Flatts

It's palpable how much trend chasing Rascal Flatts was doing with this one. This is so blatant in that regard by taking the writers of the genuinely great "What Hurts the Most" and making them do a rehash of "Bless the Broken Road." The opening line -- "There's a place I've been looking for / That took me out of buildings, behind windows, walls, and doors" -- is one of the most insipid, bland pieces of songwriting I've ever found in my life. Other than that, it's a stock "finally found the right one" narrative, with a stock "can you please turn the damn guitars down" production style from Dann Huff.. This is the very definition of a "nothing" song, as evidenced by it being one of the few #1 hits in this stretch to not even go gold. I'll say one thing in its favor: at least it's not "Bob That Head." C-

January 17: "Already Gone" by Sugarland

This one is already a cut above thanks to that melody -- which only gets even better when you hear multiple Jennifers and Kristian singing a round at the end. Thankfully, the lyrics measure up too. It's a story about a woman anxious to get away from home and falling in love, only for it not to work out at the end. This kind of three-act structure is tied to a hook of "already gone" and manages to pull it off without any sense of contrivance. Songs like this don't usually get downer endings. And that line "our whole life down to one box" is a great summary of all the mistakes the narrator makes along the way. By emphasizing her flaws and failures, this is way more nuanced than the "three act" formula in country usually gets, and the production only adds more to the surroundings. A

January 24: "Start a Band" by Brad Paisley feat. Keith Urban

And now we're back to Brad sticking the landing on his comedy songs. This guy has expectations that he isn't living up to -- something this gifted child can identify with -- and so his solution is to turn to music. It's not the most original narrative ever, but I did genuinely find it funny. Lines like "never buy another beer again" show how much fun the writers were having with the concept, and Brad's chemistry with Keith is highly tangible even before they start trading off guitar riffs. Some critics thought Brad sounded too dull compared to Keith, but I read it as a slacker versus go-getter dynamic -- Brad's character in the song wants to start a band because he's too lazy for anything else,whereas Keith's character is hungry for fame and money. Maybe that's a generous read, but either way, I think this song is just right in terms of comedy and talent. A

January 31: "Country Boy" by Alan Jackson

I said it before, but this song sounds like Herbert the Pervert recorded it. When a 50 year old man tells you "I'm not a stalker," the only reaction should be to run away and call the police. Alan makes it even grosser with the single entendre "climb in my bed, I'll take you for a ride" and comparing his truck seats to a baby's butt. Also, the slant-rhymes -- long a trademark of AJ's -- are at his worst here (asphalt/red dirt), not to mention the fact that the song is overlong and bloated thanks to two bridges. It's a shame, because not unlike "Where I Come From," the groove is pretty good here, and he seems to have accidentally stumbled into the criminally under-used Dorian mode on the melody. It's just that literally everything else about this is so gross I have to jump in the shower every time I hear it. F

February 7: "She Wouldn't Be Gone" by Blake Shelton

This is another "man finds out too late what he's done wrong" narrative, and I think it's slightly better than "She Never Cried in Front of Me." I like the detail of zooming in on a singular flower that he wishes he'd picked to bring to her -- a perfect example of how something mundane might have been the start of a totally different outcome. He knows he was "stubborn" and ego-centric. His vocal starts off soft, then ramps up throughout to an intense, almost screaming chorus and lines about punching his dashboard in frustration to illustrate how angry he is. I also like the details of him calling her mom and friends to no avail. The production is loud and leans heavily into the electric guitar to further convey his frustrations, but it never feels over-the-top or bombastic. This is another #1 that slipped through the cracks, and I'm at a loss as to why -- if you ask me, it's easily the best thing he topped the charts with since "Austin." A

February 21: "Feel That Fire" by Dierks Bentley

Just based on production and melody alone, this one is already above average: a neat syncopated rhythm with doubled banjo and electric guitar, octave-wide jumps on the vocals, and even some ventures in and out of Mixolydian mode. Lyrically, it's a list of observations on what his woman wants, but they're surprisingly nuanced and detailed. I can't say no to someone who wants to "make every stray a pet." But more importantly, she wants to feel like she's with someone who loves her, and he wants the same thing in return -- and it's that inward look on the chorus that ties things together. It's that payoff that makes this way more substantial than the meandering mess that was Eric Church's "Love Your Love the Most." This album is widely considered Dierks' worst, but you'd never tell that from the lead single alone. A-

February 28: "Down the Road"

by Kenny Chesney feat. Mac McAnally

I knew about Mac McAnally's ability as a performer long before this song came out, thanks to memories of "Back Where I Come From" and finding his Word of Mouth in a cutout bin. His solo verison of this song from 1990 was unfamiliar to me, but I remember hearing a good take by Restless Heart on their 2004 Still Restless album. I thought at the time, "this is an amazing song, and it's a shame no one will ever have a hit with it." Leave it to Kenny Chesney to prove me wrong. It's a sweet story about a father (or in this case, possibly two fathers?) wanting the best for their children, without ever feeling preachy, over-protective, or angry. As is the case with almost anything with Mac's name on it, the lyrics are short yet detailed ("Her mama wants to know am I washed in the blood or just in the water / Her daddy wants to know if I make enough to take his daughter"). Kenny has a relaxed read that leads seamlessly into Mac's laid-back twang on the second verse, and the production is just acoustic guitar and congas. It's economical, it's relatable, it's charming, and its success pleasantly surprised me. What more could you ask for? A+

March 7: "God Love Her" by Toby Keith

Since this is just "Whiskey Girl" with different words, I'm going to copy my "Whiskey Girl" review. I think the guitar tone alone raises this a notch or two for me. Other than that, there's not really a lot of flavor here. It's a standard "man, my girl is hot" lyric without a real hook. While "beer just makes her turn up her nose" "She holds tight to me and the Bible / On the backseat of my motorcycle" is kind of a cute image and "but I like 'em rough" "God love her / Me and God love her" does stick out a bit for an intentional break in the rhyme scheme, everything else is extremely by-the-numbers. Thankfully, it doesn't feel nearly as creepy as Travis Tritt's "The Girl's Gone Wild," but that's about all I can say in its favor. This is just filler, and that's not usually a term I can use to describe a Toby Keith song, good or bad. C

March 14: "Sweet Thing" by Keith Urban

Heads up: we're in for a rough patch here. If you're reminding me of Enrique Iglesias, then you might want to step up your game a bit. This one is oddly muted for an Urban up-tempo, lacking the energy and passion that drove "Days Go By" or "Once in a Lifetime." It's also a very uninspired lyric about just wanting to be with your lover -- a sweet enough sentiment, but he just doesn't do anything with it. I can't remember a single line and I'm typing this less than a minute after I listened to it. At least it's not as infuriatingly juvenile as "Kiss a Girl." Do yourself a favor and skip ahead to "'Til Summer Comes Around" and "I'm In," because this one is barely even worth a curiosity listen. C-

March 28: "It Won't Be Like This for Long" by Darius Rucker

Ashley Gorley ripped himself off here. In an attempt to make another "You're Gonna Miss This," he strips out the progression of time, instead keeping things in the present day. While that might have worked as a sort of "midquel," the attempt to zoom in also robs the song's father-versus-growing child narrative of the emotional payoff that made "You're Gonna Miss This" soar. There's also the horrible rhyming and scansion of "Four years later, 'bout 4:30, she's crawling in their bed / And when he drops her off at preschool, she's clinging to his leg."To Darius's credit, he is a damn good vocalist, and the production stays out of his way to let his interpretive skills shine. The problem is there just isn't much here to interpret, and the song falls flat as a result. C+

April 18: "River of Love" by George Strait

It's a shame that King George's last trip to the top of Billboard was something so utterly inconsequential. The ukulele is literally the only thing to make this song stand out; otherwise, it's the lightest lyric he's cut since "I Just Want to Dance with You." There isn't a hook, and other than actually referencing the ukulele in the lyrics, there isn't even the tiniest bit of cleverness or originality in the verses. Strait's vocal delivery is the same chill charisma you'd expect, but that's chump change when there's just nothing to work with. I get that maybe he wanted lighter fare to balance out "I Saw God Today" and "Troubadour" (even if I think the attempts at depth catastrophically missed on the latter), but if you ask me, he went way too light. It's a shame the captivatingly dark "Living for the Night" only got to #2, because I'd love to spend time lauding that song instead. C-

April 25: "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts

"Here" failed by being a blatant rehash of "Bless the Broken Road," and it'd be easy to dismiss this as a blatant rehash of "What Hurts the Most," but let's zoom in. I like the first lines' detail about tires on a gravel road. The tension is there in lines like "I hear my doorbell / She usually comes right in; now I can tell / Here comes goodbye," and framing it right before the breakup does help it feel a lot less derivative than it looks on paper. The first two verses are a lot more restrained than anything off their last album; even though the strings and electric guitar by the second chorus do signal Dann Huff's usual excess, Gary LeVox's vocal stays mostly in check. (I also dig the brief time signature shift on the last "gonna cry.") This is another lead single that had seemingly zero staying power, but given some of the dreadful material they were releasing at this point ("Every Day," "Summer Nights," and yes, "Bob That Head"), both this and the stunning "Why" are proof that even what is widely considered their worst string of albums still had a few gems. B+

May 2: "It's America" by Rodney Atkins

If you're going to put an "it" in your title, make sure you clarify your grammatical antecedent. What is the "it"? Is it the kids selling lemonade (which, to be fair, is carried over from first verse to chorus)? Is it the community coming together after a tornado? Is it the litany of stereotypical images -- Springsteen, Chevrolet, fireflies, farms, the space race? Unlike "Only in America," there's no acknowledgment that even the ideal image of America is an imperfect one -- outside one throwaway line about "we don't always get it all right" that's not only not expanded on, but outright negated by the very next half of the couplet. This is pandering to a Norman Rockwell crowd, and it's probably the worst thing Brett James wrote since "Who I Am." Even the vocal track (where he almost seems to forget the key change) and production (where the backing vocals drown him out) are far below the standards of the If You're Going Through Hell album cycle. I'll tell you one thing "it" isn't: any good. C-

May 16: "She's Country" by Jason Aldean

Only two songs after the fantastic "Laughed Until We Cried," we have him trying something different. Unfortunately, that "something different" was "poor-man's AC/DC." And as someone who really can't stand AC/DC, you can bet I don't like this song at all. The lyrics are dumb as all hell, foreshadowing the "bro-country" trend of the following years through their mix of sexism and street slang. Exactly what is a "honey drippin' honey" in this context? I have a couple of theories, but they're probably too gross for this review. We learn little about what exactly makes her country other than "she's hot" and "she drives a jacked-up truck," which is galling for a song with a female co-writer (and the other co-writer being the usually more dependable Danny Myrick). I was pretty lenient on Aldean up to this point, but this is the first taste we got of Douche Aldean. And unfortunately, it will only get way worse on most of the later songs. D

May 23: "It Happens" by Sugarland

And we're two for two on songs that cheekily find a way to almost get a profanity on radio. I love the strong guitar strumming at the beginning here, along with the details of being late for work with two different shoes on, then getting into a car accident. With your neighbor's car, which you borrowed because yours had a flat. And the car you ran into is your ex's. Jennifer's voice sounds like she's laughing at how much of a wreck her life is right now, aided by lines like "the same ol', worn out, blah blah story" and a couple of spoken ad-libs -- and of course, the "pssh" before the title. (You put it together.) The production is crisp and joyous and fun, making this whole package sound like a goofier cousin to Trout Fishing in America's "Cracked Up." Why not learn to laugh at yourself? A

June 6: "Then" by Brad Paisley

I have a friend who loves this song, and he feels let down every time I remark on how much I hate it. While the vocal delivery is a bit warmer than usual, it's buried under a sludgy, bombastic production so far removed from Brad's usual style that it's hard to tell it's even him. And the lyrics are infuratingly cliché: "now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world / I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl / Like a river meets the sea stronger than it's ever been..." It feels emotionally detached, uninspired, and as out of character as George Strait doing grindcore. Sometimes I can let some clichés slide, but this is probably the angriest I've ever been at the sheer un-originality of a lyric and arrangement since "How Do I Live." I correctly predicted over a quarter of the lyrics on the first listen; it's that damn uninspired. Furthermore, this song cast such a huge shadow that it leeched airplay from the infinitely superior "Welcome to the Future" (to the point that Chicago's WUSN still had "Then" in top rotation the week "Future" was at #2, and refused to play the latter at all), just giving me one more reason for this song to piss me off. F

June 27: "Out Last Night" by Kenny Chesney

What I love the most about this one is how it's not just about the partying, but also about the people doing so. We find all kinds of quirky little character sketches in this bar visit, including the narrator's own humorous tall tales about being a celebrity or fugitive. We find drunk girls singing "I Got You Babe" to each other. Like "Down the Road," it's helped with a more acoustic read, though this one is more of a brisk shuffle than an economic ballad. Drinking songs don't always have to be rave-ups, and this is one of the rare songs that manages to sound fun and likable without being loud. It's a shame that such a charmer was relegated to a greatest-hits album, because it easily stands out even in a catalog full of hits. A

July 11: "Sideways" by Dierks Bentley

This was the song that made me realize the consensus of Feel That Fire being Dierks' worst album, as this is by far his worst single. The first line says "it's so loud in here I can't hear a thing," which summarizes the production style to a tee. Most of the riffs just sound like someone threw "Feel That Fire" in a blender. This was probably the producer trying to salvage Dierks's vocal, which is the blandest and most lifeless I've heard him sound (a trend that will show up in a couple other songs of his down the road). While a more spirited read might have at least elevated it, it's still kind of a dull lyric about meeting a hot girl -- who of course is given zero characterization -- and barroom fights with seemingly no stakes other than boredom. The emphasis on the wrong syllable demon comes in hard with "dee-JAY, don't you play nothing slow" for extra measure. There's no buildup to the hook, which feels fully detached from the song. In short, literally nothing works here. I've flunked out songs before for having repugnant messages or being infuriatingly cliché, but this is one of the only songs I can give a failing grade for sheer incompetence. F

July 25: "I Run to You" by Lady Antebellum

This is another artist I have to really strain to separate art from artist -- and it's a shame, because for the most part, their debut album was solid. I love the opening line "I run from hate, I run from prejudice / I run from pessimism, but I run too late," which is a lot more than a song like this usually bothers to set up. Every other line builds on the "run" theme in some way, and while it's not quite as captivating as, well, George Strait's "Run," the whole concept of escaping from the negativity of the world in favor someone you can love and trust. Outside a slightly bombastic production style, it's not trying too take the "Troubadour" route of acting like its message is the biggest most meaningful important thing ever. It's just a pretty, slightly deeper than average love song with tasteful vocals. As tired as this formula would get just two albums later, but the first couple songs along this line were way better than I remember. B+

August 1: "People Are Crazy" by Billy Currington

This is a feel-good story that a more cynical person might dismiss as something made up to fill a page in Reader's Digest. The male narrator meets an old man, with whom he pontificates on the ups and downs of life. We learn a lot about the man, who is a divorced veteran and terminally ill from smoking. The narrator and old man probably don't see eye to eye on politics or their tastes in women, but they're willing to laugh and ponder. And that hook -- "God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" -- is one of the countriest lyrics I've heard in my life. Then we get to the last verse, where the old man dies and leaves his entire fortune to the narrator, whom he apparently met just that once. But it's clear that conversation meant something to the both of them, and I can't ever fault a song for being sympathetic toward a dying old man. I've heard countless stories of wealthy people being extremely generous, so this doesn't seem at all far-fetched. In fact, it reads extremely likable and real, thanks in no small part to Currington's warm delivery and the beautiful, acoustic production behind him. By being human, heartwarming, humorous, generous, and a little sad all at the same time, this is one of the best country songs of the entire decade as far as I'm concerned. A+

August 15: "Alright" by Darius Rucker

I wish this song were "alright." Taking stock of the small things is a common country music formula, but you have to do something with that formula. Lyrically, the most interesting thing here is that he mentions spaghetti, which I don't think I've heard in a country song before. It's just a standard "I don't have X, but I have Y" that's been done to death, with only a vague hint of continuity making it feel less infuriatingly lazy than "Love Your Love the Most."The production and Darius's voice are as smooth and easy-going as "Don't Think I Don't Think About It," but that's chump change when the lyrics are so paint-by-numbers I'm surprised the CD didn't come with a cheap plastic brush. C-

August 22: "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift

This one sounds very teen-aged, but unlike "Should've Said No," she doesn't sound like she's singing through clenched teeth so it's already a ton better. I like the little writerly details of the narrator listening to the music the other girl hates, while also listing off all the differences between the two of them. As clearly indebted as this is to a crowd under drinking age, it once again shows glimpses of that wisdom beyond her years that made her strongest songs in this era the most captivating. I also dig the production, which mixes banjo with power chords and manages to sound like a mashup of all the genres its target demographic probably listened to at the time -- country, Radio Disney, and pop punk. The "dump him, you're better off with me" narrative has been done before, but tilting it to a younger audience was a smart move if you ask me. B+

September 5: "Big Green Tractor" by Jason Aldean

This kind of innuendo can be done right -- such as Justin Moore's "Back That Thing Up," whose final verse goes out of its way to side with the innocent interpretation of all the double-entendres it builds up. It can also be done wrong, as seen earlier in my review of "Country Boy." This one is comfortably in the former camp by merit of a more laid-back production and vocal. Even wedged between the incredibly douchey "She's Country" and even worse material of his later years, I can't knock this one. After all, it's still about a low-stakes affair with the one he loves. It's not the best thing ever, and it by no means exonerates him of later misdeeds. But the fact that I can give an honest and mildly positive review of this song without saying "haha, by 'tractor' he means 'penis'" says something. B

October 3: "Small Town USA" by Justin Moore

I'll say it again: I think the people who derided "Back That Thing Up" completely missed the last verse. Unfortunately, the follow-up has no twists to it. No specificity, no narrative, just a boring list of country things. It's so generic that I'm struggling to even write this review; all I can say is that Justin Moore does have a likable twang, even if he kind of forces it a little too hard on the line "a Sunday morning that's full of grace." I think he played it way too safe after a risky debut single. While a few later songs like "How I Got to Be This Way" or "This Kind of Town" found a few flashes of originality, this one would establish a precedent of getting airplay entirely by reminding people how many "country boy" tropes you check off. Can we just skip ahead to the genuinely funny "You Look Like I Need a Drink" instead? C-

October 10: "American Ride" by Toby Keith

This is such an odd time capsule of an era when Trump was just a buffoonish businessman; the McDonald's coffee lawsuit was still somewhat in people's minds; rising gas prices weren't such a cliché; and you could still guarantee at least one decent Toby Keith single per album. As known as he was for jingoism in by now, it's obvious this song at least tries to fire shots at the left and the right alike; whether it succeeds is up to the listener. I respect that he tried not to pander (maybe it helps that this is one of the few he didn't write), and mocks worthy targets like stupid Internet stunts and unfair body standards. Furthermore, he's willing to admit pride in America in spite of its faults -- or possibly that he doesn't love it. I like the unusual melody and guitar riff, and how much fun Toby is clearly having singing lines like "the fit's gonna hit the shan." I think it's pretty obvious by now that my politics are solidly on the left. B as scattershot and slightly dated as this song is now, I at least respect that someone who's pretty much my political opposite went for South Park level "both sides" absurdism. In an era where it seems just about the only "jokes" the right can make anymore are "I identify as X" and "Biden is old," it's refreshing to look back to a time when they could at least try. B

October 24: "Gettin' You Home (The Black Dress Song)"

by Chris Young

I still want to know what Bob Kingsley had against the second verse of this song, as he always edited it out during Bob Kingsley's Country Top 40. It's a shame, because this is a very solid make-out song. Chris Young has a natural charisma, and the guitar hook immediately reminds you you're listening to a country record, albeit one with a few splashes of old-school R&B. The easygoing vibe keeps things sensual without feeling macho or TMI as he lays out the story -- it's a night on the town, and he wants to end the night having sex. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and as un-original as the concept may sound on paper, it's clear he loves the woman he's with. This is just cool and sexy in all the right ways, and I think it was a great single to break him through. A-

October 31: "Only You Can Love Me This Way" by Keith Urban

This was a point where Keith Urban started to lapse into a seemingly endless stretch of love songs -- I blame the recent marriage to Nicole Kidman -- but thankfully this is one of the least mushy. This one manages to be low-key without being catatonic, thanks to some lovely acoustic guitar fills and a warm vocal. As boring as the lyrics look when typed out -- always on my heart, always on my mind, etc. etc. -- Keith sings them with a sincerity that makes them sound so much more than that. This song is never over the top in words or sound, which is saying a lot for something with Dann Huff's name on it. (It almost got cut by Rascal Flatts, and I shudder to think what their version would have sounded like.) These kinds of songs can be boring and stale in the wrong hands, but this one manages to stay just on the right side of the line. B

November 7: "Toes" by Zac Brown Band

Country radio, make up your mind: can singers say "ass" or not? I actually heard both versions, and one local station even edited out the word themselves (oddly, they didn't touch "roll a big fat one"). Not unlike Rick Trevino's "Bobbie Ann Mason," this one is lighthearted but gets bonus points for sticking to the bit longer, so the stakes can be fleshed out without over-staying its welcome. That it's a casual, light-hearted beach song might set off a few people's "poor man's Jimmy Buffett" alarms, but I like all the little details it adds. For example: we find out he's from Georgia, smokes weed, speaks at least a little Spanish, gets hit on by a waitress, and is generous toward the locals. I also love the payoff of him getting back home again and putting his lawn chair in the driveway -- because mentally, he's still in the islands. That nylon guitar is a hell of a melodic hook, and Zac's voice is warm and friendly. There is a hell of a lot going on in this song that makes it far more than just another beach song in my book. A (uncensored), A- (censored)

November 21: "Cowboy Casanova" by Carrie Underwood

This one is a hell of an ear-worm. It's a bit grittier than almost anything she'd put out prior, and it pops every time I hear it. The lyrics are somewhat of a sex-flip of Hall & Oates' "Maneater" (to the point that "only come[s] out at night" is in both songs), warning of a male who woos women only to misuse them. Carrie sings with authority, telling the other women to avoid his temptations, because she's come out the wrong end of a relationship with him. It's authoritative country-rock; it's ear candy with a bit more attention to craft than usual; and like so many of her other songs in this stretch, it's aged way better than I remember it being. A-

November 28: "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

This is oddly solemn sounding for a booty call, but maybe that's the trick. These two are miserable and desperate, and it shows in their deliveries -- the way Hillary is always a tad off-pitch, and Charles always a bit stuffy -- combined with the strangely melancholic production against the more upbeat tempo. They could and probably will regret it, but they're both going to let tomorrow-them deal with it. I can see why this song resonated with people, to the point that it long reached saturation for me by 2010. But now that Lady Antebellum's career has cooled off, coming back to this with fresh ears reveals a song that is pretty damn good. Now if only they'd have come up with a different name to change to years later... B+