Pick Your Seat

More 9 Circles of Hell Country Music

Bruce Campbell Country Reaction Gifs

When a yellow haired lady follows you out of the saloon and tries to steal your stallion

A depiction of how it would feel to see Billy Strings at the Sphere

Marshmello? Seriously?

When a hardcore country fan begrudgingly admits his favorite Shania Twain song

“Why don’t you like Warren Zeiders?”

Me: points

When you tell a hick-hop fan to kindly crawl out from under your vehicle with that saw 

How a Brantley Gilbert fan celebrates learning to read

Jack found out all the fun things they don't want you trying in a small town

Me when the singer at my funeral butchers “Go Rest High on That Mountain”

Try to say something nice about the Florida-Georgia Line guys’ solo careers 

When a chick wearing a Kane Brown shirt thinks you're flirting with her by holding the door

Never Forget!

Overly Politically Correct Country Songs: 90s Edition

Jo Dee Messina 

“Heads California, Tails California”

Randy Travis 

“Better Class of Disadvantaged”

Dwight Yoakam 

“Sexually Liberated as You”

Shania Twain 

“Any Cisgender Man of Mine”

Chris LeDoux & Garth Brooks 

“Whatcha Gonna Do With a Cowhand”

Montgomery Gentry 

“Person of Appalachian Heritage Shoes”

Mary Chapin Carpenter 

“Xe Thinks Xe’ll Keep Xer”

“Shut Up and Kiss Me (If You Consent to Doing So)”

Mark Chesnutt

“Sibling Jukebox”

Clint Black 

“Unaliving Time”

“No Time to Unalive”

“Loving Visually Impaired”

John Michael Montgomery 

“Sold (The Grundy County Sex Trafficking Incident)”

Sawyer Brown 

“Some Young CIS Women Do”

Travis Tritt 

“Deity, Have Mercy on The Working Person”

[Censored] Railroad 

“Flamboyantly Confident Womxn”

Sammy Kershaw 

“Consort of My Upscale Manufactured Home”

Trisha Yearwood 

“Economically Deprived Side of Memphis”

Alan Jackson 

“Xe’s Got the Rhythm (And I am Clinically Depressed)”

AI Illustrated Country Songs: Most Hated Country Songs Edition

Artists and song titles at the end if you can't figure these out.

Luke Bryan - Country Girl (Shake it For Me)

Johnny Cash - Chicken in Black

Shania Twain - That Don't Impress Me Much

Trace Adkins - Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

Walker Hayes - Fancy Like

Big & Rich - Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)

Brad Paisley & LL Cool J - Accidental Racist

Tim McGraw - Truck Yeah

More More Tuesday Memes: Waylon Jennings, Shania Twain, Kane Brown

The Crud Report: May 2024

Wrasslin' Country Reaction Gifs #80

When you ask an old-school country fan how every song should be written

Which surprising celebrity sang "I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying" with Toby Keith?

Bearded folk every year when the Laurel Cove Festival lineup drops

If you woke up in the middle of a hick hop festival, what would you do?

We only wanna dance, we're gonna let our hair hang down

If you're a lesser known Americana singer and released an album last Friday

When you see all your friends in the bar, then you notice a Luke Bryan song is playing

If somebody yells this at a concert, 

I'm probably at the wrong show

After seeing every other person on earth's taste in music

Pop a top again. I just got time for one more round.

When the lady who smiled at you earlier plays some Paycheck on the Touchtunes

♬

 I'm walking the floor over you 

♬

Hey you. Yeah you. The one who talked shit about George Strait.

Me when bro-country tries to come back

"Old Country Music"

 

The Worst Country Songs of 2023

 

What Your Favorite Album of 2023 Says About You

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Pony Bradshaw - North Georgia Rounder

You read a lot of Flannery O’Connor and William Faulkner and still don’t understand half the lyrics of this album. You own at bare minimum 23 flannel shirts. You will only discuss politics with your immediate group of friends around a fire pit after a few PBRs, but there could be violence at that point.

Diplo Presents Thomas Wesley: Chapter 2

You enjoy music that isn’t good.

Jason Aldean - Highway Desperado

Your political beliefs have evolved your hearing to like bad music, as long as the singer agrees with you on every possible subject. You live in a suburb and have complained on the neighborhood Facebook page about “loud booming music in cars driving by.” You own $4,000 worth of camouflage but only go hunting once a year, if that. Your wife doesn’t know about the ED yet thanks to gas station pills. 

Shania Twain - Queen of Me

Your nostalgic love of the late 90s warps your taste in unhealthy ways. You’re always quick with a “she had vocal surgery,” but never a “maybe she should rest her voice or retire” in the Facebook comments. You’re glad the Karen jokes finally died down a little. You should probably schedule a hearing test. 

Flatland Cavalry - Wandering Star

Despite the tattoos and the extensive police record, you are a born romantic. You have cried about an ASPCA commercial and punched a guy who cut you off in traffic on the same day. Your significant other is a complete normie.

SZA - SOS

You write for Rolling Stone, or various other music sites. This album came out in 2022. Tough shit if it came out in December; maybe you shouldn’t drop your lists so early. 

Note: This album is really good if you like R&B.

Luke Combs - Gettin’ Old

You’re most likely a cool, salt of the earth person who doesn’t have much interest in lyrically complex or musically adventurous songs, and that’s okay, but you still demand more than “beer girl truck.” You own $400 worth of camouflage, and are in the woods at least every Saturday of deer season. You are anywhere on the political spectrum except far left and far right. 

HARDY - The Mockingbird and the Crow

You are a relatively upstanding dude with a family and a decent job, but you still get shit-faced at every Mississippi State game and wind up having to apologize to a friend, coworker, family member, or innocent bystander. You are either the person in your group of music snobs with the worst taste, or the one in your group of bro’s with the best taste. There is no in between.