Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts

Jul 1, 2022

Luke Bryan Has a Loose Grip on the English Language


Pop-Country Singer Praying Interviewer Won’t Ask Any Political Questions

A sweat bead forms at the widow’s peak of a famous pop-country singer as he fidgets in his chair. It’s the first in-person interview with someone who isn’t Bobby Bones he’s done in a while. The crooner’s handler politely asked the host to avoid a few potential land mines in the discussion, but the singer sees some shiftiness in the questioner’s eyes. 

He says a quick prayer in his head that there won’t be any questions about abortion, guns, the infield shift, Donald Trump, Morbius, LGBT rights, or any other hot button topics. Amen. 


After a brief warm greeting and small talk, the interview begins. Deep breath. 


“What do you think about the trans…” (OH GOD) “…ition from the party hearty days of bro-country to the more muted sound of your music these days?” he asks. (WHEW!) 


He’s got this one. He can flash those pearly whites and rest his fingers on his scruffy chin and knock that answer out with vague aplomb and goofy charm. No worries so far.


“You once toured with Morgan Wallen as your opener. Care to discuss when he said…” (OH SHIT) “that he considers you a role model and kind of a mentor?” is the follow up question.


The sweat bead has now split the singer’s eyes and rolled to the tip of his nose. He wipes it off with the sleeve of his $95 plain white t-shirt. Softball question, thank God. Media training prepared him for this, how to be humble and full of praise. Oh, and mention how much Morgan Wallen has grown since the incide…. NOOOOOOOO. Don’t even think about opening that door! Just keep it short and graceful.


“Now let’s get a little personal” says the interviewer. “Do you think a woman should have the right to choose…” (OH SHIT OH DAMN OH F@4% HELP ME MARY AND JOSEPH!) “what restaurant you’re going to on a date?” he asks.


There’s an audible massive exhale, like an NFL lineman stood on one of those camping mattresses with the valve open or something. He looks at his watch. 14 minutes and 35 seconds of the allotted 15 have expired. He’s made it. No controversies, no cancellations, no major missteps. He feels his heart rate settle.


“One last question: boxers or briefs….”


Jun 23, 2022

The Empire Strikes Back Country Reaction Gifs

 The day I turned on country radio and they were playing a song about shaking ass for the catfish

Say Walker Hayes is country or fall into the abyss

When an Upchurch fan asks you out

Waiting on country radio to play a Waylon song

Dustin Lynch: "party mode party mode party mode"
Me:

Be careful when you catch yourself tapping your foot to a FGL song

Aldean sings a high note


Jun 9, 2022

Better Call Saul Country Reaction Gifs

When "Rednecks, White Socks, and 
Blue Ribbon Beer" comes on

When you find out your boyfriend is secretly a Walker Hayes fan

If you haven't seen Lucero live...

What do you think of the new Ian Noe album?

When the car next to you is playing 49 Winchester

How did the hick-hop festival go?

Me after the show when nobody is talking to the sound guy

When "There Stands the Glass" comes on but it turns out it's just that f**king Sam Hunt song again

Carrie Underwood's new album is out tomorrow

When he hits on you with "I got Luke Bryan tickets"

Jun 2, 2022

The Simpsons Country Reaction Gifs 3

 When a friend you haven't seen in a while comes to the party and he digs Tyler Childers too

My favorite Kid Rock song:

Me reading the comments when I post the dumbest fake news ever about Luke Bryan and his fans think it's real

When you can't even get away from Walker Hayes on the sports talk station

When you come to the office picnic and they're playing FGL

Ain't no point in getting out of bed if you ain't living the dream

From me to the song "Willin'":

When the DJ accidentally plays a country song made before 2009 and the listeners get pissed

A view inside the head of a Kane Brown fan

How to know if your trip to 
Laurel Cove Music Festival went well

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