Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luke Bryan. Show all posts

Jun 21, 2024

Packing It In

Rotting Corpse Starting to Affect Honky-Tonk’s Ambiance

West Memphis, AR – A popular local drinking establishment is losing patrons and racking up Department of Health complaints at a rapid pace in recent days and the reason is particularly macabre. 

"They've got a dead body leaned up on the jukebox," said Pearl Heath of West Memphis. "I s**t you not; the owner said it was the dude's deathbed request, but they ain't got no air conditioner and it's getting pretty ripe up in there." She went on to say that the bar owner had even given the corpse whiskey, and a mannequin girlfriend.

Britches and Hoes is a popular honky-tonk that's been open since 1993 on the west side of town. Its owner Joseph D. Fee says he's in a tight spot over the whole "dead body in a business that sometimes serves food" situation. 

"At first it was just funny; we were gonna give the guy his dying wish," said Fee, eyes teary from the overpowering odor of decay. "We had a huge crowd that first night due to the novelty of the situation; we put sand in his boots and a stiff drink in his hand, and we planned to get him out of there in a day or so before the health department came calling." That was when things got even weirder. 

"Ol' boy's widow came in here and intimated to me that if I removed him from the premises, she would sue," he laughed, painfully. "She said he put that request in his will and that her lawyer would be in contact if I moved him before she said so; I think she's just trying to save money on a visitation." 

"It really don't even make no sense legally, but I'm erring on the side of anything that keeps me out of a courtroom," relayed Fee, brushing a fly off his nose. "I hope she picks his ass up soon, I'm gonna have to fumigate." 

One former Britches and Hoes patron even thinks the corpse is haunted. "I put on some good ole Luke Bryan music and I swear I saw that dead face wince." said Bart Hurlihy of Jackson, TN. Hurlihy says he has not been back due to the stench.

At press time, West Memphis police were too busy dealing with copper harvesting and off-grid pharmacists to investigate the reported stiff leaned up against a Wurlitzer.

Jun 4, 2024

AI Illustrated Country Songs: Most Hated Country Songs Edition

Artists and song titles at the end if you can't figure these out.

Luke Bryan - Country Girl (Shake it For Me)
Johnny Cash - Chicken in Black
Shania Twain - That Don't Impress Me Much
Trace Adkins - Brown Chicken, Brown Cow
Walker Hayes - Fancy Like
Big & Rich - Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)
Brad Paisley & LL Cool J - Accidental Racist
Tim McGraw - Truck Yeah

May 2, 2024

Kung Fu Panda Country Reaction Gifs

The Louvin Brothers as children

I focus on my breathing and the universal sound

When you're relaxing on the back porch with some chilled out country music and somebody drives by listening to Upchurch

When you hear your pop-country fan office-mate listening to a Haggard song

If I ever catch myself enjoying a Dan + Shay song

When I heard Randy Travis has a new song dropping tomorrow

Every single time Luke Bryan falls off a stage I will watch it

When you're at a show and let go of a fart just as the band finishes their song with the abrupt ending

When pop artists come into mainstream country music just to make music that sounds like everything else in mainstream country music

When you don't think that was a piece of gum somebody just handed you at the Billy Strings show

When they catch whoever committed murder on music row and execute them, make it

Morgan Wallen summoning the power of 9 light beers and rich guy privilege to hurl a chair off the roof of a bar at 3 am


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