The CMT Awards or Wrestlemania? A Viewer's Guide

Both shows are on Sunday night (though WM is also on Saturday). Here are some helpful points to help you decide which show to watch!

Blaxploitation Film Country Reaction Gifs

If you step on Hank Jr.'s cowboy boots

When he walks in wearing Luke Combs Crocs

If you ever see me listening to Thomas Rhett on Spotify, ask this:

🎵 There's only you and me and we just disagree 🎵

When he won't turn off the Florida-Georgia Line

When you finally hear a Dan + Shay song

What I shoulda said to Blake Shelton on Twitter

When a dude standing on the side of a bridge insults Dolly Parton

When she's up early, playing some Morgan Wallen

Days Gone By

Bubba Shot the TouchTunes

Bubba Shot the TouchTunes

©2023 Farce the Music Parody

We were all down at O’Brady’s bar

Tellin' stories if we had one

Someone fired the new TouchTunes up

The song it sure was a bad one

A sweat drop rolled down Bubba's nose

From the cringe the song was inflictin'

And all at once he jumped to his feet

Yelled “You’ve got to be shittin’!”

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Said it played a bad song that got him riled

Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Bubba ain't never been a fan

Of pop songs with twangy singin’

And he did not care for Thomas Rhett

So he let the bullets go slinging

He bought a round 'til the cops showed up

Was the toast of Beef O’Brady’s

We told him, “You know that was pretty dumb”

But our ears did appreciate it

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Said it played a bad song that got him riled

Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

When the sheriff arrived with his swat team crew

Lookin’ for our troublemaker

He shook his head and said

"Bubba boy, you was always a hater”

A reckless discharge of a gun

And putting the public in danger

Bubba hollered out danger hell

Been worse if Luke Bryan was playin’

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Said it played a bad song that got him riled

Went to his truck and grabbed his Armalite

Well, he shot the TouchTunes

Stopped it with ten shots

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Well, he gave not a single shit

As that song machine died

Wasn’t no Waylon on that list

So it’s premeditated homicide

Bubba shot the TouchTunes

Stopped it with ten shots

Bubba shot the TouchTunes last night

Elderly Country Songs: Aaron Lewis, Tyler Childers, Kelsea Ballerini, Thomas Rhett

Tyler Childers

Follow You to the Buffet

Creaker

82nd Winter

Bottles and Burials

Aaron Lewis

Am I The Only One Left

Sizzler Every Saturday Night

Kelsea Ballerini

I Quit Driving

Edema (ft The Chainsmokers)

If You Fall Down (And You Can’t Get Up)

I Hate Hippity Hop Songs

Thomas Rhett

Something to Do About My Hands

When We’re 90

Put Ice On It

Have to Pee

The Toughest Choice Ever!

 

Pop-Country Singer Shares Lovingly Scripted Holiday Family Hijinks

Superstar pop-country singer ____ recently shared some lovingly curated pre-Christmas hijinks with his household. It was highly family-friendly and positive to preclude any naysayers of said artist from finding anything worthy of “hating” on. 

In the series of videos, ____ led his family of 23 people and 2 dogs in a clearly rehearsed musical number featuring songs from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. All persons involved, including the children, were as poised and trained as Disney Channel actors and actresses, putting forth the sort of commercially acceptable filler content sites like The Boot and Taste of Country revel in this time of year, with there being little other news of note going on.

Only a Grinch, Scrooge, Satan, or “that ain’t real country” blogger could find any sort of fault in these primped, staged, and PR committee approved scenes of Yuletide glee.

The cynicism-proof videos also featured cutely choreographed dance numbers featuring ____ himself wearing an elf costume and doing whatever TikTok dance is currently in fashion. Once upon a time, the singer was a bit rougher around the edges and said things that rubbed people the wrong way from time to time, but these days he is a straight up f**king Hallmark movie.

To prove they aren’t entirely straight-laced, ____ and his beautiful wife were also seen playing naughty (wholesome and scripted) pranks on one another. In one oh-so-cute clip, ___’s wife dumped a bucket of paper snow on ___’s head as he walked out of the bathroom. He fell to the carpet in premeditated shock and silliness, just like Waylon woulda done if such technology had existed in the late 70s. 

At press time, _____ was helping his social media manager edit a video in which the singer ‘hilariously’ suggests the kids leave out White Claw and Quest bars for Santa.

Be Your Own DJ

Untrue Facts: Waylon, Thomas Rhett, Loretta, Kane Brown

Honest Billboard Country Top 20

Elderly Country Songs 3 w/Reba, Wallen, Jinks, etc.

Luke Combs "When It Rains My Knee Hurts"

Morgan Wallen "More Than My Nursing Home"

Mark Chesnutt "Old Flames Have New Graves"

Thomas Rhett "What's Your Lawrence Welk Song"

Reba "I Got Lumbago"

(turn on your radio)

George Strait "I Can Still Make Golden Corral"

Conway Twitty "I'd Just Love to Lay Down"

Cody Jinks "Cowboys and Broken Hips"

Monday Morning Memes: Vandoliers, Tyler Childers, Thomas Rhett

The Bad News Keeps Coming

This Isn't Real

 Well the first one is.

Record Sales Ain't What They Used to Be

Untrue Facts: Jason Aldean, Dolly Parton, Travis Tritt, Thomas Rhett

Just Hypothetically

Paul Cauthen Speaks His Mind

Pop-Country Cover Band Wants You To Stop Requesting Tyler Childers Songs

The lead singer of pop-country cover band Dem Broadway Boyz has just about had enough. During his 2 hour stint at a popular Nashville bar/venue, vocalist Brad Shambles has gone from amused to annoyed to enraged at your constant requests for songs not the the Boyz’s repertoire. 

He sees you there at your table with your girlfriend, Mr. Authentic Country, and despite Brad’s creative shortcomings, he knows your story. You got dragged out to drink $18 cocktails and listen to music you consider beneath you by your attractive but basic love interest, but hey, you don’t have to take it out on him. He doesn’t come to your haberdashery or horse barn or whatever and talk shit about your work.

Brad just wants to play Thomas Rhett and Cole Swindell and Russell Tenpenny.. hell, he gets them mixed up too, but anyway, just let him and his band play selections from the 50 popular songs they know in peace and chill out, dude. Zach Bryan? Do you mean Luke? And who the hell is Colter Wall? You’re just making stuff up now.

You in your vintage Waylon Jennings t-shirt sitting there all high and mighty, drinking a Pabst. What did you expect? That they were going to crank out some Highway Troubadours, or Colby Jinks, or whatever depressing stuff you listen to? Get real man, Dem Broadway Boyz are here to sell beer, Fireball, and overpriced chicken tenders. For the love of God, no they won’t play “Feathered Indians.” 

Brad leans over to his bassist during a rendition of Sam Hunt’s “Body Like a Back Road” and whispers “watch this guy, be ready to take him down” as you saunter to the side stage with a smirk on your face. 

At press time, Brad was singing lyrics read off his phone as the band worked through a poor version of “Whiskey River” after you tipped them $30 to play it. But he’s still pissed.

Differing Views on Modern Country Music