New Country Singer Doesn’t Even Use Trap Beats

An unnamed rising country singer has recently made waves with his unique approach to modern country music. Many are questioning the logic of his peculiar musical recipe in an age of TikTok dances and committee written songs. 

Eschewing modern bells and whistles like programmed trap beats and guest appearances by white rappers, the singer is instead leaning on what he calls "tradition." When asked if he'd even considered using auto-tune or wearing a plain t-shirt with a gold chain in his promo photos, he succinctly replies with "Hell no, and I never lie." 

Despite being written by less than 10 songwriters and having little similarity to the sounds of Thomas Rhett or Hardy, the performer's current single is nearing the mainstream country top 25, and he's beginning to garner slots on national tours. The singer, who doesn't even have face tattoos, says he has a simple philosophy about his music. 

"I perform and record country music," he stated plainly. "If that makes me an innovator on country radio, so be it." He went on to say that he would not be releasing any songs about a douchebag in bar picking up a girl and banging her in his suburban assault truck. Many wonder if this promising artist is shooting himself in the foot not pandering to the Chads and Karens of the world.

"He doesn't even attempt trendy dance moves on TikTok or use slang in his songs," said an anonymous Nashville music exec. "So I wonder just how much shelf life this 'novelty' music can have." He ended the thought with this warning: "I wish him the best but if he doesn't want to cut in a few more dozen writers on his next record, he's toast." 

At press time, the singer was practicing guitar instead of doing burpees. 

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 (this is fictionally about Zach Top, but it can represent others playing a comparatively timeless style of country music)

Among Others

Tuesday Morning Memes: Morgan Wallen, Kid Rock, Thomas Rhett

Parks & Recreation Country Reaction Gifs 4

People get mad at my memes about what is and isn’t country, but in truth, I

When you have to go to a pop-country concert and are waiting for something country to happen 

1. Do you like country?

2. Didn’t you love Morgan Wallen’s last album?

♫ It’s a great day to be alive ♫

When you listen to a Thomas Rhett song once

Collin Raye: I fell asleep in the yard in a hammock 

His wife:

Would you walk across the street to see a Jason Aldean concert?

How would you best describe Sam Hunt's music?

Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
Make you want to holler, "Hi-de-ho!”

When you just bought a couple of concert tickets then your phone dies

My favorite Arlo McKinley song is

A Masterpiece

 Check out Isaac Denton's awesome art. (his is the one at the top :))

Monday Morning Memes: Hank Williams, Morgan Wallen, Darius Rucker

 

Law and Order

Barbie Country Reaction Gifs

Walkin' to the south out of Roanoke

I caught a trucker out of Philly had a nice long toke

Name a word Kane Brown fans can't spell

Still not as cool as Rodney Crowell

Florida-Georgia Line, right before they broke up

Nobody wins, we both lose

When a mom hears Dan + Shay are playing at the amphitheater

Record executive interviewing Sam Hunt:

"So Mr. Hunt, you just kind of talk sing. What do you bring to the table?"

Thomas Rhett videos be like 

Just had the worst dream they're still letting Walker Hayes perform at football games 

Lori McKenna be like

Pick Your Faves!

 

Ranking Country Singers

Dan + Shay to Dress as Country Duo for Halloween

Pop duo Dan + Shay is looking for costumes for a Halloween party this weekend. They’ve already chosen the theme - country singers - but they’re now searching for the perfect homespun attire, visiting Goodwills and western wear outlets across Nashville. 

“I did a Google image search for ‘country singer’ and it came back with lots of cowboy hats and boot-cut jeans and stuff,” says Shay Mooney. “That’s so foreign to me - it’s always enlightening to see how other cultures live!” Dan Smyers tries on a huge foam cowboy hat but quickly returns it to the rack. “If they had it in a trucker hat style maybe.”

The Dan + Shay wardrobe usually includes bright colors and stripes, tailored pants, and hip casual wear. The aesthetics of country music fashion are a world away from their typical flair, but they’re digging it. “Ha, they call this a nudist suit, I believe,” laughs Thomas, holding up a rhinestone and gold beaded purple jacket. “I think old country stars like Buck Owings and Hank Wilson [sic] used to wear these… they had so much drip!”

After a couple of hours, the two have narrowed their selections down to an all black Johnny Cash-inspired ensemble or a Brooks and Dunn combo. “How did Garth have time to be in a duo and have a solo career at the same time?” asks a confused Smyers. 

Slowly coming to a consensus for the B&D garb at press time, Dan + Shay seem excited about the impact they’ll make when they step into the party as someone so different from themselves. “They won’t even recognize us in these fits.”

 Yes, this is a reboot of an old story.

Brutally Honest Country Top 20

By Bobby Peacock. 

(you can tell it's not me because I wouldn't admit a Dan + Shay song was good even if I liked it)

Here's the real thing for reference.

Country Twitter Wins September