Monday Morning Memes: Vandoliers, Tyler Childers, Thomas Rhett

The Bad News Keeps Coming

This Isn't Real

 Well the first one is.

Record Sales Ain't What They Used to Be

Untrue Facts: Jason Aldean, Dolly Parton, Travis Tritt, Thomas Rhett

Just Hypothetically

Paul Cauthen Speaks His Mind

Pop-Country Cover Band Wants You To Stop Requesting Tyler Childers Songs

The lead singer of pop-country cover band Dem Broadway Boyz has just about had enough. During his 2 hour stint at a popular Nashville bar/venue, vocalist Brad Shambles has gone from amused to annoyed to enraged at your constant requests for songs not the the Boyz’s repertoire. 

He sees you there at your table with your girlfriend, Mr. Authentic Country, and despite Brad’s creative shortcomings, he knows your story. You got dragged out to drink $18 cocktails and listen to music you consider beneath you by your attractive but basic love interest, but hey, you don’t have to take it out on him. He doesn’t come to your haberdashery or horse barn or whatever and talk shit about your work.

Brad just wants to play Thomas Rhett and Cole Swindell and Russell Tenpenny.. hell, he gets them mixed up too, but anyway, just let him and his band play selections from the 50 popular songs they know in peace and chill out, dude. Zach Bryan? Do you mean Luke? And who the hell is Colter Wall? You’re just making stuff up now.

You in your vintage Waylon Jennings t-shirt sitting there all high and mighty, drinking a Pabst. What did you expect? That they were going to crank out some Highway Troubadours, or Colby Jinks, or whatever depressing stuff you listen to? Get real man, Dem Broadway Boyz are here to sell beer, Fireball, and overpriced chicken tenders. For the love of God, no they won’t play “Feathered Indians.” 

Brad leans over to his bassist during a rendition of Sam Hunt’s “Body Like a Back Road” and whispers “watch this guy, be ready to take him down” as you saunter to the side stage with a smirk on your face. 

At press time, Brad was singing lyrics read off his phone as the band worked through a poor version of “Whiskey River” after you tipped them $30 to play it. But he’s still pissed.

Differing Views on Modern Country Music

8 New Parody Album Covers ft. Luke Combs, Zach Bryan, Ronnie Dunn, etc.

Hundreds Believe Tim McGraw Nearly Killed a Guy Because This Headline Says So

On Friday morning, word began to spread of country superstar Tim McGraw beating a man nearly to death in Nashville. Though completely false, many Facebook users only read the first 8 words of the headline of this obviously fake news piece and spread it around like wildfire. They also noticed the poorly Photoshopped picture of Tim McGraw’s mug shot accompanying this article which lended credence to their belief that this entirely bullshit story must be so.

Most of the few readers who actually clicked on this story without excitedly sharing it first, only read the first sentence, which also fools unworldly folks into thinking that the following actually happened: 

Country superstar Tim McGraw has been arrested for a shocking assault after putting a real good man in the hospital on Wednesday night. McGraw told police he was just sticking up for his wife when the man, Vernon Brinks, said Faith Hill’s acting was a little dry in Yellowstone: 1883. After striking Brinks over and over, the victim suffered a broken wrist, a concussion, internal bleeding, and several external bruises. Brinks is said to have neither liked it, loved it, nor wanted any more of it and is expected to be released from the hospital this weekend. In a statement after making bail, McGraw apologized for the incident and blamed “the cowboy in me.”

Despite the previous paragraph being written in a less than journalistic quality, several persons who have continued reading started thinking that maybe this stupid and transparently satirical bit might have some veracity. 5 of them go back and share the story on Facebook with an “OMG!” Most didn’t even notice that there were 4 Tim McGraw song titles hidden in that paragraph, further giving clue that this stunning bit of news never occurred. 

In previous weeks, this very website (which features the word ‘farce’ in its title) has been barraged by thick-headed people replying as if satirical stories were the gospel. One of those people is reading this sentence now and I’m going to tell him that Garth Brooks cheated on Trisha with Kenny Chesney and he’ll believe it, because his brain has been warped and clouded by social media, politics, and the degradation of real media over the past 10-15 years. 

At press time, 1 of the 9 people who made it this far into the article also believed that Thomas Rhett is a meth-addicted serial killer because this sentence purports it to be true.

Or Am I Just Cynical?

My Heart Ain't Ready

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: April '22

 A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive. Total score below the chart.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-8) overall which is an 8 point drop from January (the previous time we did this chart). The best song is Carly Pearce/Ashley McBryde’s “Never Wanted to Be That Girl.” The worst is Walker Hayes’ “AA” (big surprise, huh?). The songs are getting dumber as summer nears, like they usually do.

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Brutally Honest Country Top 20: March '22

By Bobby Peacock

 

Hey Dude Country Reaction Gifs

When the newbie asks "Hey, do you guys like country music, like Thomas Rhett?"

When Danny says he stopped to take a piss at the Florida-Georgia Line one time

Somebody defending Walker Hayes music

Name something in country radio's main demographic but not on their airplay lists

Review Lady A's last 3 singles

When some bro asks you to the Aldean concert on a date

Still better than listening to a Dan + Shay song

Luke Bryan's latest hit be like

Monday Morning Memes: Thomas Rhett, John Prine, Jamey Johnson

The Long Awaited Follow Up to Urban Chipmunk

The original: 

Behold, the follow-up:

The Future Looks Sad

A Warning From the CDC (Country Defense Center)