Showing posts with label Luke Combs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Luke Combs. Show all posts

Sep 22, 2023

This Guy Rants About Country Music “Authenticity”

We’ve all seen the stories. We’ve all herd the new boring songs. Mainstream country music is evolving in front of are very eyes and I for one do not like it!

Remember the good old days when you could drive you’re girl out to the bonfire in your pick up truck and turn on the country station and not worry that there might be a serious or sad song on their? I miss those days! 

Nowadays when I drive my sidechick in my Raptor and turn on the radio, it’s Luke Combs crying about going somewhere in a fast car, or Ashly McBridde singing about her family or some shit. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Am I right?? 

And the Spotify country playlists ar just as bad. Who tf is Zach Bryan? Is that Luke’s more boring younger brother? I listened to him for 1 whole minute and he did not mention Fireball, pretty tan feet, or the summer moon even once. That ain’t country! And his songs don’t even make any cents. Keep it simple and keep the party going, Zach. Come on man!

I seen that ol’ Zach had the number one album and song in America, and I shed a tear. It feels like things are changing and I’m kinda scared because where else is there to listen to music I like but the radio? Singers are putting their flat brim caps and skinny jeans away, and getting out cowboy hats and work boots. It’s not okay. 

John Party or Chris Stapleton were the ones who started this mess. With a name like Party, John should’ve been dropping the beat and lighting crates on fire for the hotties in every song, but nooooo he’s got to have old whiney instruments. And Chris Stapleton only wrote one good song in his life and that was Thomas Rhett’s “Crash and Burn!”

I look at the tragic break up of Florida-Georgia Line and just think, who’s gonna fill there square toe boots? I see Luke Bryan losing popularity and wonder who’ll tell the country girls to shake it anymore? I here people talk about Cody Johnson and Tyler Childers and weep for the future and all the trucks that won’t have nutz and the coal that won’t be rolled. 

It’s a sad day in America when even Jason Aldean is singing about serious crap. I was going to put a hole in the drywall I’m so mad, but I’ve matured. So I’m just gonna go put on my Chase Rice album, vape some clouds, and pour out some White Claw for the better times. 

Aug 8, 2023

The Current Poop of Mainstream Country Radio: August '23

 A poop emoji is negative, a strike thru is positive, an asterisk denotes a song  where the good attributes and the bad are dead even.

The current Poop Rating of the Mediabase Top 20 is (-10) overall which is a 4 point drop from May (the previous time we did this chart). The best song (by a hair over Hailey Whiters) is Luke Combs’ monster hit cover of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car.” The worst is Parmalee's "Girl in Mine" for the second time in a row, narrowly beating out Luke Bryan’s insipid “But I Got a Beer in My Hand.” I don’t really see any particular trends besides it being summer, always a celebration of cliches on country radio. 

Chart info from Mediabase/Country Aircheck.

Jun 15, 2023

Beavis & Butthead Country Reaction Gifs

What Morgan Wallen fans think Americana is

The Monday after a music festival when you hit 40

When your friend says he's into country rap now

"Just listen to 30 seconds of this Dan + Shay song, you'll change your mind"

When Patty Loveless comes on in the shuffle

I know the new Turnpike album is on the way but

When your friend won a hundred bucks on a scratch-off ticket
and bought two 12 packs and a tanks of gas with it

I fell in to a burning ring of 

When I mention that I prefer country songs to have drum sounds performed by humans on physical drum sets

When others ask you to turn down the Whiskey Myers

 This is probably the 3rd edition of B&B CRG, but I'm not sure anymore.

May 19, 2023

Dierks Bentley Just as Surprised as You That He Has 22 #1 Hits

Country music star Dierks Bentley reported Thursday that he is just as surprised as you to find out that he has twenty-two number one country hits. The Arizona-born singer expressed outright shock that he’d reached such an impressive milestone.

“22??” he asked incredulously, “How is that even possible when it takes a year for a song to move up the chart if your name isn’t Morgan Wallen or Luke Combs?” He couched that statement with a “No offense guys; take me on tour.”

Bentley went on to attempt to name 10 of the songs that hit number one on either the Mediabase/Country Aircheck country chart. 

“Well obviously there’s “Gold” which I remember because it’s my last single, but after that it gets sketchy,” he laughed. “Okay, uh… “What Was I Thinkin’” was my first, then there were like 5 in a row that sounded alike that might’ve hit #1… does “Every Mile Down the Road I Go Alone” sound right?”

“”Sideways!” …that’s one for sure,” he went on. “Okay, being drunk somewhere popped into my head… a beach, a plane, church?, maybe at Kid Rock’s bar?” 

Bentley, 47, was unable to name another of his single releases that had topped the charts correctly, throwing out phrases like he was playing Win, Lose, or Draw. “It’s hard because, you know, either my songs are party hard uptempo songs or mid tempo songs about driving somewhere, it’s difficult to keep up, honestly,” admitted Bentley.

At press time, Dierks was lamenting not being a trend-chaser and was considering a few bass drops and curse words on his next record. 

May 3, 2023

Really Dumb Country Reviews: May '23

(Real Apple Music Reviews)

Warren Zeiders - 717 Tapes

Tyler Hubbard - s/t

Diplo - Thomas Wesley Chapter 2
*Diplo is an alleged abuser and r*pist

Luke Combs - Gettin' Old

HARDY - The Mockingbird & The Crow
*Wrong, country and metal have been fused many times before*

Morgan Wallen - One Thing at a Time

*This one's so dumb I've used it twice


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