|RIP Jay Briscoe|
Feb 2, 2023
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Dec 14, 2022
You are between the ages of 14 and 19. You drive a VW Bug that has had the transmission replaced twice since you got it. You’ve asked your parents if you can just skip the rest of the school year since you’re going to have to repeat it anyway. You are dating someone ‘from another school’ who your friends have never met. Or you write for Country Universe.
You put this at #1 because you can’t show weakness when it comes to defending Carrie’s honor. She’s the best even when she puts out this uninspired collection, which you’ve only listened to twice but have left streaming overnight 5000 times. You started therapy this year after yet another Entertainer of the Year loss. Your boyfriend is terrified of you.
Beard oil, wash, conditioner, balm, nor wax has ever touched your face mane, yet it is still resplendent and makes hipsters jealous. Your favorite whiskey drink is whiskey. Whether pro or anti gun control, you own a small arsenal. You are so emotionally screwed up, sad feels like happy.
You will just as soon fistfight a republican as a democrat. You have a hunting-related tattoo. You haven’t been to church in 7 years but know the Bible better than your ‘rain or shine’ friends. You make fun of the people who complain about Tyler set-lists, but haven’t actually been to a show since he stopped including “White House Road.”
You pretend to find meaning in the title of this album. Other hipsters call you a poser. Your degree in poetry analysis hasn’t come in handy in the real world. You feel that country music is beneath you, despite half this album being more country than anything on the radio.
You are the friend everybody goes to for advice, despite your life being a raging garbage dump inferno. You have a tattoo that it takes five minutes to explain. There’s some weird family issue like your dad divorced your mom and married her hair-dresser or something, but you get along with everybody and get free hair cuts now. You didn’t know there was an unwritten rule about not drinking before 5 pm.
You are pretty basic, but also a genuinely nice person. Regardless of your gender, you installed your own catalytic converter anti-theft device. You are politically oblivious. Regardless of your gender, you own more than 5 articles of clothing with your name on them.
You are 100% for sure not a Republican, but have a lot of beliefs and habits that would get you cancelled by the left. You drive an electric vehicle which has run out of charge by the outlet mall no less than 4 times this year. You’re pretty deep, but also an Instagram influencer.