Showing posts with label Beyonce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beyonce. Show all posts

Nov 8, 2024

What Is Luke Bryan Doing in This Photo?



Maybe….


Breaking in his first pair of regular fit jeans for men


Pondering the meaning of a three syllable word someone said to him


Being outstanding in his field


Proving his country authenticity as a $12 million dollar home looms in the background


Wondering what it would be like to hunt open ground like this rather than land with a cage around it


Wishing one of the workers would come show him how to hook up this plow


Wondering if maybe he should evolve his music towards a more mature and organic sound then laughing uncontrollably after the photo was taken


Being sad that Jason Aldean hangs around Donald Trump more than him lately


Being disappointed that he didn’t bring back the neckbeard like Wallen brought back the mullet


Being thankful that Joe Rogan didn’t ask him any difficult questions


Decompressing after a hard day of reading mean comments about him online


Hiding out from the Bey Hive


Thinking about how disappointed the extended family will be when they all get unsold Mind of a Country Boy vinyl this Christmas


Hoping his testicles will finally re-descend after years of skinny jeans


Jul 2, 2024

What Your Favorite Country Summer Song Says About You


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Dierks Bentley - Somewhere on a Beach

You hated bro-country, but can make an exception on this song because Dierks is your guy. You talk yourself into Dierks being above all that because he plays bluegrass sometimes. You’ve reached the age you’re starting to get all the “I got injured by sleeping wrong” memes. 



Little Big Town - Pontoon

You’re not really a big music listener. You just like this one because you think “motorboatin’” is funny. Usually, you’re listening to various Housewives of (whatever city) podcasts and texting while you cut people off in your Maxima.



Alan Jackson - Summertime Blues

You couldn’t think of anything else, so the first one with “summer” in the title that popped into your head was your answer. Not that it’s a bad song, it’s just that “Chattahoochee” was right there. You spend most of your free time rewatching The Pacific War in Color.



Kenny Chesney - No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem

You’re fifty-two, recently divorced, and having the time of your life. You own Chesney’s entire discography but love the hits the most. You’ve seen him live 23 times and secretly think he’d love you if you could just meet him. You’ve ended friendships over “he might be gay” jokes. 



Aaron Lewis - Endless Summer

Your endless summer includes calling people gay online, drinking approximately 700 Bud heavies in your back yard, and trying to get your son into “real country music” like Aaron, Upchurch, and Buddy Brown. 



Jimmy Buffett - Margaritaville

You are a basic ass bitch. 



Beyoncé - Texas Hold ‘Em

Your endless summer includes threatening to move out of the country if Trump wins, drinking approximately 200 Titos & cranberry with the girls, and visiting multiple doctors to try to get on Ozempic even though you don’t really need it. 



Sam Hunt - Body Like a Back Road

You never received affection from your dad as a kid. You tried being an influencer but spend too much time embroiled in drama with ex-boyfriends to ever put out any content besides a couple of yoga pants thirst traps. You have a degree in something that could make you six figures a year but still work at the tanning salon in your hometown.



Travis Tritt - The Girl’s Gone Wild

Just kidding. There is no such person in the world that would name this song as a favorite anything. 



Morgan Wallen ft. FGL - Up Down

You don’t get offended by Farce the Music memes because you don’t understand them. You have never voted. You were ahead of the curve and made a low rider out of your $72K truck before your state outlawed squatting them. Your dad says if you’re not taking summer school, you gotta get a job to cover your online gambling addiction. He’s tired of covering for you, Dylan. 



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