Showing posts with label Toby Keith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Toby Keith. Show all posts

Nov 10, 2022

Idiocracy Country Reaction Gifs

Toby Keith when he hears there's been an international incident

Going on a game show with Luke Bryan fans

A pop singer agreeing to be a "country" singer on a major label

Listening to two people in the waiting room talking about their "favorite country band, Dan + Shay"

"Are you the one who posted a meme saying I'm stupid for liking Kane Brown?"

The world if Florida-Georgia Line hadn't broken up

What it feels like to hear a Walker Hayes song in public

What do you think of Keith Urban's music after 2010?

When somebody requests "Wagon Wheel"

When I'm definitely about to be a dick about somebody's bad taste in country music

What's your favorite Conway Twitty song about?

Oct 28, 2022

New 90s Country Fans Shocked to Learn About 90s Economy

“Holy sh**!” explained mullet-headed recent 90s country convert Ian Downy. “Gas was $1.50? I knew the 90s was a while ago, but that’s what I thought it cost in the 20s. Can you imagine how much cruising down backroads in a $9000 Ford Ranger cranking Little Texas you could do at that price?”

Downy is not alone in his discovery of that decade’s generally booming economy. With 90s country returning to prominence among younger music fans, a lot of those have fallen down a rabbit hole of despair comparing those times to these. 


“You could get a McDonald’s combo for two friggin’ dollars and ninety-nine cents, my brother in Christ,” said a gobsmacked Kaitlyn Mack. “It’s like ten bucks now; I blame whoever is President at this moment.” Mack perused ‘throwback’ photos of 90s prices on Instagram, mouth agape, as she proudly sported her $200 vintage Reba McEntire t-shirt she bought off eBay.


Jason Harkenson, an Uber driver from West Memphis, told us he’d initially gotten really into Patty Loveless and Clint Black before noticing the price on someone’s vintage Alan Jackson concert ticket they’d posted on Reddit. “You could get into a show for $25 back then? That’s what parking is now…” he said, Ricochet blasting in the background. “And then I stupidly kept digging and found out a person making $9 an hour could afford a pretty good apartment back then. What the absolute f**k?? I’ve got two jobs and a roommate.”


Many of the younger 90s country fans who took this depressing journey expressed sadness that they’d gone from digging “Friend in Low Places” and mullets to being despondent about the nineties including both $5/6pk beer and strong economic growth and a steady job market. 


“Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then, indeed.” lamented Harkenson.


Sep 15, 2022

I Think You Should Leave Country Reaction Gifs

Toby Keith asking who started bro-country


When a hit 'country' song has the lyrics
Ooh ooh ooh, she likes it when I
Ooh ooh ooh, I love it when we

When you both want the last large classic arrowhead Tyler Childers t-shirt at the merch booth

Mr. Farce, do you in fact own a couple of Rascal Flatts CDs?

When the restaurant is playing pop country

If you can't name at least 300 Willie Nelson songs

"Hey man, Kane Brown's new album is actually pretty good"

When somebody wearing a Walker Hayes shirt says they love country music






Feb 25, 2022

Lee Greenwood on Standby, Toby Keith Called Up to Reserve

Patriot and country singer Lee Greenwood is literally shaking with anticipation. Normally, this time of year, the singer would be in a deep off-season slumber, building up his energies for upcoming patriotic holidays, but world affairs have made things different this year. 

Late Thursday evening, an alarm went off in Greenwood’s cryogenic chamber, alerting him that a military conflict was underway that could have ramifications for the United States. His room was bathed in red, white, and blue lights, awakening him in fervor. Pumps whirred to life as Lee was pumped with vitamins and nutrients, preparing him for the potential task ahead.


Greenwood stretched, removed the tubes from his arms, and threw open the window. One sniff and his eyes lit up. “This one’s different but so familiar… there’s a ….chill… in the air.” he thought. He then walked to the front room and visually verified that his trailer packed with American flag clothing and paraphernalia was pre-loaded and hitched to his Suburban. “It’s go time,” he spoke. 


Now Mr. Greenwood has pulled a recliner into the foyer of his expansive Franklin home and simply waits. He stares up at his signed portrait of General Norman Schwartzkopf and nods. “I’ll be ready if called, Stormin’ Norman.” he whispered. Lee’s wife only shook her head and brought her husband another bottle of red Gatorade. 


At press time, Toby Keith had received the Boot Signal and was sobering up for another run of ass kicking, if needed.


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Unnecessary disclaimer: War isn't funny and I pray for the people of Ukraine, but we need a little levity in any situation. Also, patriotism isn't a bad thing with the right intentions. 

Feb 9, 2022

Top 11 Least Popular Country Music Hall of Fame Exhibits


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 11. Ten Years of Bro-Country: A Retrospective


10. Florida-Georgia Line’s first Big Johnson t-shirts from when they were toddlers


9. The “Are You Tall and Handsome Enough to be a Mainstream Country Star?” Kiosk


8. Brantley Gilbert’s used dip can and Ed Hardy wallet (w/chain)


7. The Toby Keith “Put a Boot in in a Muslim’s Ass” Game


6. Cledus T. Judd kissing booth


5. A Salute to the Bachelorettes of Broadway documentary


4. “Are You More Smarter Than Luke Bryan?” interactive game


3. A collection of sexy Lee Greenwood photos


2. Animatronic hollering Garth Brooks


1. Outlaw Country: A Scratch-n-Sniff Photo Exhibit


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